I just about think I've decided to end my life, by heroin overdose.
I've been a long time junkie and mental pasient, with schizophrenia. Life doesn't seem to bring me any good feelings, it's just meaningless pain. I've been single and lonely my entire life, and girls don't seem to like me, I guess because of my genetics, lack of money, everything. So my #1 "meaning of life" seems unattainable. For some reason, the idea of not having to live, gives me great relief.
I'll give it time over the winter, as I'm going to be in a drug rehab facility. To see what I feel like when next year comes.
If family and friends really care about me, I guess they'd rather see me "happy and dead" than alive and miserable. So. The only reason I'm still alive today, is that I haven't been able to procure enough good heroin and pills, to "execute the execution" my preferred way.
I'm not asking for sympathy or any reactions to this post, I just wanted to write down my thoughts.