The Suicide Support Thread

[severely etarded]

^ dude that's awesome to hear! I've heard sub withdrawal is pretty harsh. keep going!

 

[Maya]

Yay CH you can do it!!!

 

[bunnymunro]

Shimazu, I can so relate to where you are coming from. Like you, I am used to earning top dollar, but 2013 found me working for chickenfeed while expecting my normal high paying job to resume.
I continued to go through my savings, on speed and ice, mainly expecting to restart any week. It didn't occur.
Rent overdue, bills and debt accumulated, plus iv meth habit escalating. I even started dealing and therefore associated with some fairly dodgy characters to keep my habit rolling, an activity which, if I was busted would preclude me from ever restarting my top dollar job.I must admit, if I have ever considered ultimate options, that was the time.
My brother hung himself a bit over a year ago and I spose I have been on and off meth since then. However after seeing the the amazing things that he achieved throughout his life, and the things that I know he could be doing today if he hadn't taken that option, prevents me from considering that as a feasible option.

Fortunately, I recently started back on the big dollars and will have my debts repaid. Now I just need to prevent myself from falling into the same trap when this bit of casual work runs out, as I have little doubt that I will pick up the needle again, but hopefully not where I left off.

Shiraz, I think a solution may be to look for alternative activities, the last time I went through anything like this, I discovered geocaching, your $85 could be an investment in a gps to get you started though a smart phone will do. If you don't know what it is, then just consider all the other things you haven't heard of, may enjoy and you'd be ripping yourself off without even learning about them.
All the best.
bunnymunro

 

[Captain.Heroin]

Thanks guys

For the first time in a while I haven't been suicidally depressed coming off of it

I still feel the kicks (severe insomnia pre-dating use; might not go away )

 

[shimazu]

Shimazu, I can so relate to where you are coming from. Like you, I am used to earning top dollar, but 2013 found me working for chickenfeed while expecting my normal high paying job to resume.
I continued to go through my savings, on speed and ice, mainly expecting to restart any week. It didn't occur.
Rent overdue, bills and debt accumulated, plus iv meth habit escalating. I even started dealing and therefore associated with some fairly dodgy characters to keep my habit rolling, an activity which, if I was busted would preclude me from ever restarting my top dollar job.I must admit, if I have ever considered ultimate options, that was the time.
My brother hung himself a bit over a year ago and I spose I have been on and off meth since then. However after seeing the the amazing things that he achieved throughout his life, and the things that I know he could be doing today if he hadn't taken that option, prevents me from considering that as a feasible option.

Fortunately, I recently started back on the big dollars and will have my debts repaid. Now I just need to prevent myself from falling into the same trap when this bit of casual work runs out, as I have little doubt that I will pick up the needle again, but hopefully not where I left off.

Shiraz, I think a solution may be to look for alternative activities, the last time I went through anything like this, I discovered geocaching, your $85 could be an investment in a gps to get you started though a smart phone will do. If you don't know what it is, then just consider all the other things you haven't heard of, may enjoy and you'd be ripping yourself off without even learning about them.
All the best.
bunnymunro

thanks for that man, not gonna lie I have a habit of saying things when im high that I dont really mean and then an equally obnoxious habit of just blatantly admitting to that after the fact. I can see why this would turn people off and the only things I truly mean are mostly selfish things tbh. stuff like getting high, going about ways to acquire money to get high, materialistic things I own, all of that sort of stuff I generally dont lie about.

Its just like intangible things I tell people Ill do that I just say "fuck it" and move on. My reasoning is usually that Im actually doing them a favor really and dont owe them much of anything so thats how I rationalize why I fail to help people with things I easily could. I dont ask people for help more often than not so that might be why I can convince myself of that so easily

or maybe im just a little bit too up front about the fact that I like to take drugs. All kinds, uppers or downers or in betweens like I seriously just like to keep myself a little off to say the least. Personally, I just like to view it as a challenge to myself to experience things that are out of the norm and see how I react to them. And if the only thing holding me back from doing so is me holding myself back from bigger and better things, you know what man, im just not too concerned with that right now. Im not a deadbeat, I just dont do anything besides get fucked up. And I can deal with that because I brought it on myself, but it starts by not bitching about it on the internet.

 

[bunnymunro]

Shimazu, I like talking to you because I say shit that I should be listening to myself :-(
And my current words of wisdom to both of us at this point is that today and yesterday do not exist anymore. All we have is tomorrow.
We can make our own future. Ah = hang on the juice gets here tomorrow... Make that 'all we have is a day or two after tomorrow cos may as well write tomorrow off

 

[shimazu]

yeah Idk man I just have to save some money up in order to do some things Ive been planning on and wind up spending the money on drugs because I get impatient.

Thats my problem, bluelight doesnt really help that it just gives me somethig to do after that happens. Im a completely different person when im sober (now) than most of the time, for better or worse.

Idk man, I dont really believe in mental health issues but i guess you could say im kind of weird. Blah blah blah cry me a river though really no offense but I feel kind of lame for even going on about this stuff online

im fuckin 21 years old time to make somethin happen or just fuckin die like theres no middle ground here lol

 

[Doomed2pain]

Feeling particularly suicidal today, probably for a number of reasons. I cannot stop thinking about it, then of course I start thinking of ways to do it etc I promised 2 people that I trust that I would stop attempting suicide, but when you can't get something out of your head and then the thought patterns develop a life of their own and it is impossible to make them go away or hide from them. I'm sick of waking up disappointed that I'm still alive and then comes to storm of irrational thoughts which lead to disturbing behaviour. I can't keep putting my friends through this, I often wish I had no friends or family then I can die without hurting anyone. Sorry for the rant just in a state

 

[Cuhpcakes]

My brother called me a bitch, no argument there.

Death sounds so attractive, can't be any worst than this.

 

[TryingToGetBetter]

My brother called me a bitch, no argument there.

Death sounds so attractive, can't be any worst than this.

You're going through withdrawal of multiple drugs. I know death sounds attractive, the thought's crossed my mind. I know you're stronger than that, though, you've already proven that to me. I'm not going to give the typical "don't take the easy way out" lines, I'd rather just tell you that you are important to me and to a lot of people here. You're going to make a difference one way or another in somebody's life whether from your experience in addiction, or for something completely unrelated. Stick around for a while, you'll see

Your brother called you a bitch? Fuck it. Tell him to live with it and move on. You're strong cakes!!! Too strong girl!

 

[TryingToGetBetter]

Feeling particularly suicidal today, probably for a number of reasons. I cannot stop thinking about it, then of course I start thinking of ways to do it etc I promised 2 people that I trust that I would stop attempting suicide, but when you can't get something out of your head and then the thought patterns develop a life of their own and it is impossible to make them go away or hide from them. I'm sick of waking up disappointed that I'm still alive and then comes to storm of irrational thoughts which lead to disturbing behaviour. I can't keep putting my friends through this, I often wish I had no friends or family then I can die without hurting anyone. Sorry for the rant just in a state

Doomed, I'm sorry you're having those thoughts running through your head. I can relate to those thoughts... wishing I had no friends or family so that I could escape from the difficulties of life without hurting anyone. I've also been on the other side, where I felt that killing myself would somehow "show them" (them meaning friends and/or family). Why are you so sad? Can you tell us what the cause of your pain and depression are? I wish I could take the hurt away from you, I sincerely do. Please continue talking to us, and I will help you in any way that I can. You are loved, please start to love yourself. You deserve to be happy, I don't give a shit what you've done in the past, move forward in a positive manner with a positive mindset, you DESERVE it.

 

[Doomed2pain]

I was involved in a rta and I developed a chronic pain condition called complex regional pain syndrome. I'm in excruciating agony 24/7 and on strongest pain meds known to man and I'm at stage 4 where it starts affecting organ systems and I have it in all 4 limbs now . No cure, degenerative, will shorten my life and amputation of limbs will more than likely be involved also. Then the mental health started about 6 weeks after my accident. Been diagnosed with severe PTSD severe adjustment disorder panic disorder with agoraphobia depressive psychosis and now borderline personality disorder or emotionally unstable personality disorder. Spent a lot of time in hospital this year, I'm still not on the right meds and very unstable. I can't cope with the emotional and physical agony anymore, I lost all of my friends, my dream of opening a tattoo parlour has been squashed, I can no longer do mma (was north uk women's semi pro champion for 3 years in a row) I had to stop my degree during my second year once the crps spread into my right arm and hand, I just wasn't well enough to keep up with the work, I still do tattoo designs and custom paintings portraits etc for people, I was in a band, that had to stop. Most days I'm bed bound and don't have any quality of life anymore, if I were an animal I'd have been put to sleep 4 years ago. Head is just fucked at the minute, can't sleep, I've self harmed and I've got to See my useless shrink tomorrow who has done nothing for me in the 2 years that she has been my consultant. Something happened over the summer that destroyed my family but I'm not allowed to talk about it to anyone. I pray for death. Starting intensive therapy next year but there could be a 6 months waiting list. I just hope I can make it until then. Sorry for such a long rambling post. Does that info help any? Thanks for the reply btw

 

[TryingToGetBetter]

Words can't express how I felt when reading your response. I want to tell you how sorry I am for all the bullshit you are having to deal with, but that just doesn't quite say it, does it? I can't take away your pain, I won't act like I am the answer to these horrible things that have come into and taken over your life... but, what I can do is simply be here for you. If you want me to be, if you're looking for someone to simply listen, I will. Please utilize me as a personal outlet. Private message me if you'd like about certain things, I'll do everything I can to be a source of love for you.

You have my prayers, you have my love, you have my full attention.

 

[kalico]

i feel very happy but i still want to OD and die idk whats up with that

 

[Doomed2pain]

Plans are whirring around my head and next weekend I will be alone for a week, I'm becoming more and more out of touch with reality and if that happens I will carry out my plans. I'm scared, dejected and going insane. Nothing I try makes it stop.

 

[Allein]

Thanks guys

For the first time in a while I haven't been suicidally depressed coming off of it

I still feel the kicks (severe insomnia pre-dating use; might not go away )

That is great news Captain, and a brave one as I've hear Subs WD takes a while to come one but hits hard when it does.

As often is the case mental attitude seems to be the clincher, if you really want it beat then the fight is just that and I have every confidence you will make it out the other end.

I had a number of tries to come off a very abusive benzo habit with little success in the end I was in a mind set set where I truly despised the stuff and the large quantities of alcohol I downed daily with it. I drew up a taper and a day where the drink would end.

That was 3 years ago, in that time I've slipped up once on booze and most of that bottle was flushed, I can take the odd Benzo but rarely and I don't abuse them, I simply do not want that life anymore and I hope it stays that way.

 

[mal3volent]

Just wondering how to know how seriously to take someones suicide threats? Its my mom, only thing shes really ever been diagnosed with is depression but i've been almost certain for years its something more than that. She is prescribed medication but has never gone more than a few months without stopping then finally starting back on again. Anyways she loves having all the attention on her and will make a great big scene and show her ass pretty often. She has told me in one of her calm moods not to worry that she would never do such a thing but yet repeats it later on. Shes had three major back surgeries and has been on painkillers, muscle relaxers, and will occasionally guilt me out of some of my anxiety meds. She got the doc to give her valium a few weeks after her last surgery and she was looney as all hell for weeks couldnt remember her name half the time, would go to sleep standing up, spill food all over herself, etc. pretty sure i got my mental issues from her but i myself have never vocalized any suicidal thought ive had even though ive had many. I wouldnt want to put my family through that.

 

[Doomed2pain]

My thoughts on the matter are always believe they are actually real and not empty threats just in case, to be safe. If you brushed one off you'd feel extremely guilty if it ended up being for real. That's my method to the madness anyway. Every single one of my attempts have been genuine and not "cries for help" etc

Better safe than sorry

 

[mrflowers00]

i never asked to live it's bullshit when people say "oh but you have so much to live for" i never wanted any of this in the first place

 

[Captain.Heroin]

My thoughts on the matter are always believe they are actually real and not empty threats just in case, to be safe. If you brushed one off you'd feel extremely guilty if it ended up being for real. That's my method to the madness anyway. Every single one of my attempts have been genuine and not "cries for help" etc

Better safe than sorry

I think that's a safe way to think.

I am feeling a bit better. Much guys