Damn I am not doing so well. Hanging on though I suppose. By that thread. IDK what to do, I'm so anxious about the future, and if it's worth hanging on. I have some plans tomorrow...Such a tough decision. Trying to work out how I'm going to avoid this social event I don't want to go to but my dad is insisting. And the way I have in mind to avoid it is not good. I need to find a better way for sure. damn
I need to figure this out. massive hydrocodone overdose is not the right way I believe. Been clean 9 days and counting. IDK what to do right now...
First, congrats on being clean for 9+ days!!!
That's amazing.
Second, I wouldn't worry about the future man, nor the past. Insomuch as we are only living in the present, only the present is real. Of course things from the past are unforgettable, some of the things from the past change our lives, and it isn't unwise to plan for having a good future.
However, for myself, I noticed all I can do is live in the present moment and make change at my own pace. I can't think in terms of the past or future anymore, as it distracts me from actually getting stuff done in the present.
Not even choosing to, but being forced to let go of all the things I was holding onto (resentment, trauma, depression, etc) was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. I honestly believe recently (about a week ago), I just decided to not let anxiety or panic or depression or PTSD control my life anymore. I made a few changes (not many) to what I was doing in life, and ended up a much happier person despite the fact I'm still working on my depression/social anxiety/PTSD.
I just realize to take every day one day at a time, but beyond that, for each hour, minute, second, just to live in the present and not think of a future or past. There's no fast forward, rewind, or pause buttons to life. We're all passing through time together; we all share the same fate that there is no time machine.
I'm now accustomed to letting go of things that recently happened that were negative, as soon as possible, and not only in order to choose happiness in the present, but because dwelling on the past only made me more depressed. It
is good to talk about what's bothering you, and I highly suggest everyone do that. But after you get it off your chest, put it on the back burner of your mind, and allow real life to continue as is. That can be hard to do, but it's an important step in making a better life for yourself. I realize now my PTSD symptoms were much worse when I would allow myself to become upset by thinking about the past. Some flashbacks I experience aren't controllable of course, but still, I was complacent with a severely depressed mindset, 24/7, 365 days of the year, for 9 years.
We all deserve happiness. Just know that it is fleeting in this life, and that you have to change/adapt to continually be a satiated/happy person. It's important to remember that it's OK to be stuck in a "bad part" of life for the time being. I'm sure (myself included specifically on this one) many of us think back to the "good old days" when things were better/easier for us, when we didn't have as many problems (possibly), etc. All you have to remember is that there are better days ahead for all of us too. Sometimes all it takes is a very small change, and before you know it, things are better again. It does take effort on our parts to get this change. I know (I'm specifically talking about myself here - I'm sure it's not like this for everyone here) at one point, I was so complacent with existing in a state that resembled death more than life that I had given up on so many of my dreams and aspirations and goals in life. I wasn't interested in making new friends, dating/relationships/sex, having a real life, doing new and fun things, etc. and I'm sure that's because I was withdrawing from the real world as hard as I possibly could on a mental level to avoid dealing with anxiety/depression/PTSD.
I'm sure not everyone will agree with me here on this, but I also realized that you can accept suffering as an inevitability in this life, and to not let it ruin your state of happiness. What I mean by that is like, even though some bad things happened to me this year (and many more bad things the years before that), I still went out and had a
great time tonight. Even though I had to take my anxiety medication and I don't even feel that I'm on a high enough dosage, I still toughed it out and I'm
very glad that I just accepted how I was feeling in each and every moment today.
There's a reason why we get upset, depressed, anxious; it's so that we can face our issues head on, and let the emotions pass through you, instead of trying to hold it all in like a dam with ever-increasing cracks. It can actually feel good to cry to express sadness when you are that upset, as long as you can accept what's going on. It can feel good to let out any emotion you're feeling, as long as it's in a safe way (meaning if you're angry, don't hurt anyone including yourself and others, etc.). I'm very fortunate to have found creative ways of channeling my frustrations in life. I am a very creative person and I am sure looking back on everything I have gone through one day, I'll realize that I did a lot to keep it together the best I could.
When I used to suppress all my emotions, and not deal with things at all, and not talk about what was really bothering me, and didn't trust the people who I should have trusted the most, nothing went well in my life. And certainly nothing changed because I wasn't making changes there. It took me
so long to realize you can't let
anything ruin your happiness, because you're entitled to it, and it's the sole reason why we are here: to love ourselves and one another, and to form connections with these people.
But yeah, I went on a long ramble about how I've been making small changes in my life over this last week. I don't know if any of this really expresses how anyone
else here feels, but I'd be interested to know.
Much
everyone!
