I do not find benzodiazepines recreational as drugs per se, despite my using them PRN since 2001, having instantly developed a psychological dependence following my first ever use of the drugs. Having developed serious neurotic pathologies from my obsession with drugs and electronic club music during the 90's, which by the end of the decade saw me using cannabis daily, a behaviour that did not help a head already delicate from Ecstasy and speed use most weekends. When my head finally blowed up at the end of the 2001 Summer, a mad couple of months that started going downhill from the 2nd week in Aug with my breaking up with my partner of 3 years (the end of my first serious relationship living with a girl), which was followed 2 weeks later by my colleague and I finding out, while pilled up, that our very close friend (another colleague of ours) had gone to work that day and had a massive heart attack leading to a cardiac arrest, killing him within minutes.
Alone in my folks rural house on my own for the first time in years after they had gone to Italy on holiday, the final straw (as I tried to bucket bong my way back to sanity) was fucking 9/11, which I do not mind admitting felt like the end of the world, even to a Brit. I thought WW3 had started, with me, in my early 20's, believing I would get drafted!
After a particularly messy sesh in my old flat with my ex GF, us making friends quite quickly due to the death of our friend, I was told by another friend, a young gay lad with similar anxiety issues, that his problems were over thanks to his older boyfriend, who had a repeat Rx for nitrazepam. 'Take 2 of these (10mg)' he said. 'They are perfect for pill and stimulant hangovers as they take all the discomfort away' which they did, the rest being history.
Aside from the profound sensation of a BZD taking effect while in a high anxiety state or panic attack, I do not consider their effects otherwise 'recreational'. Temazepam is possibly the closest I feel BZD's get to generating an actual high but they are so weak relative to most other drugs of this type (being only half as strong as diazepam, I would need at least 40mg to get me going). Midazolam is pretty mad as well, but while I find alprazolam hard hitting I only use them occasionally, preferring long acting drugs such as diazepam or clonazepam. But that is all they do for me really, they pack a good punch but nothing 'recreational' beyond the anxiolytic value. My perfect dose is 2mg, the = of a proper 'Xanax' bar and strong enough to give me the lick without inducing sleep.
I was HEAVILY addicted to my prescribed benzos so now Im taking it easy with my doses.
