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The Sad Thread (Anti-Snoo)
- Thread starter Mugz
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Tangerine Dream
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Oct 29, 2005
- Messages
- 3,858
Other than all the big shit going on... Eating and drinking silly amounts of total rubbish, not helped by smoking lots, then waking up and feeling hungover/unhealthy/guilty. Then doing the same thing again a couple of nights later.
I need some MDPV I think, that stops me smoking, drinking and eating too much. I think a doctor would recommend the same thing if I asked.
I need some MDPV I think, that stops me smoking, drinking and eating too much. I think a doctor would recommend the same thing if I asked.
Acid4Blood
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Oct 14, 2001
- Messages
- 4,169
Much love Shambles & Marmalade. 
That really is sad. Sad that you can't be yourself around your boyfriend. He's also helping you destroy your health. Sounds like a great boyfriend you have there. 8)
CCF said:
That really is sad. Sad that you can't be yourself around your boyfriend. He's also helping you destroy your health. Sounds like a great boyfriend you have there. 8)
Shambles
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Oct 16, 2006
- Messages
- 52,286
Exactly the case. Lotta shit bottled, add in a bottle or two and presto here comes another sky is falling in post from me. Just acutely aware I may have caused a lil worry for one or two peeps cos got a couple PMs that really made me think I needed to say that I really am a lot better than I sounded t'other night.
Am aware I've been away for quite a while now. Days just keep slipping by. Need to get back to posting though. Will do. Soon. Promise
Tangerine Dream
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Oct 29, 2005
- Messages
- 3,858
Ah right, makes sense. Glad you are better than you sounded the other night, for sure.
And I'll hold you to that promise at the end of your post! Take care in the mean time and I hope you continue to improve
And I'll hold you to that promise at the end of your post! Take care in the mean time and I hope you continue to improve
mydrugbuddy
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Feb 14, 2011
- Messages
- 11,721
Much love Shambles & Marmalade.
That really is sad. Sad that you can't be yourself around your boyfriend. He's also helping you destroy your health. Sounds like a great boyfriend you have there. 8)
especially if its he who cause the black eyes and bruised neck. If so you need to get away from him.
cherrycolouredfunk
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Sep 19, 2006
- Messages
- 11,774
On this day 12 years ago, nearly 3000 people were killed in the 9/11 attacks. It is also a memorable day for me, as it is this day that I landed back in London on a plane from New York, where I had been working in New Jersey for summer. I got back to the UK just hours before the attacks. I had only been standing on top of the World Trade a week before. I still cannot watch the footage without welling up and thinking of all the families who have been left behind.
How can you even begin to imagine what must have been going through these people's minds before deciding to jump, and as they were falling. The news reporter actually hugs a woman he's giving an interview to. Though, people are dying every day in War across the world, and goodness knows how many people have been killed in Syria so far, this is still awful viewing, and that's also another discussion for another time.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=titNIkNc9e8
How can you even begin to imagine what must have been going through these people's minds before deciding to jump, and as they were falling. The news reporter actually hugs a woman he's giving an interview to. Though, people are dying every day in War across the world, and goodness knows how many people have been killed in Syria so far, this is still awful viewing, and that's also another discussion for another time.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=titNIkNc9e8
cherrycolouredfunk
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Sep 19, 2006
- Messages
- 11,774
So, that's me, as of today, back on the MARAC high at risk register - linking my social services agencies i'm linked in with to the police. Any call from this address flags up as a red , and they get here super fast. I've been on it before, and FUCK do they get here fast. Armed police last time in a past relationship, though there was weapons involved.
Why is it though, that i'm sat crying as I feel like i've betrayed him by doing it. One call out, and i've no say so if I give a statement or not, he'll be taken, that;s usually the dealio anyway, it's only as I was getting feisty and kicking up a fuss when they were here on the weekend that they agreed to leave me here, I nearly got arrested as I kept saying 'I will NOT talk to you until they took me away from the nosy bitch and her obese son downstairs who feed off my life as they've not got one of their own' I was told to calm down and there was no way I was sleeping in a cell or womens refuge, and I knew he'd kick of MORE than me if they nicked him. It's be a twist up arrest for sure.
I refused to report it to the police when they turned up the other night, but I can talk to my drug worker about it, and she says she wants me straight on MARAC. I know, I just won't fucking talk to the police!
mydrugbuddy
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Feb 14, 2011
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- 11,721
Sorry i wasnt really thinking or aware of might happen. I didnt mean reporting him to the police (even indirectly through social serices taking matters out of your control and intotheir own hands). Thats a whole different ball game. I meant just leaving him, but i know thats far easier said than done I know. And if seeking support could lead to all that youve said above i can see the predicament you're in.
I was meaning seeking support for your state of mind. But i can see its a very complicated and difficult situation.
I was meaning seeking support for your state of mind. But i can see its a very complicated and difficult situation.
cherrycolouredfunk
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Sep 19, 2006
- Messages
- 11,774
^ No no no, it wasn't as a result of what you said!!
It a result of me talking to my drug support worker, i've finally got myself a good one as I had a clash with my last one, and have been on the waiting list for a new one, and met her today for the first time.
I know you were just meaning well and offering me support here
He's not been reported to the police. Measures have just been put in place for my future safety. Yeah, it is a messy and complicated situation, a one that until you've lived it people find very hard to see why the person who's the victim can't just up and leave, but it often runs a lot deeper than just being able to up and go.
I've been without a drug support worker for a while, which is actually against protocol when it comes to my script. I had a huge falling out with my last one, as she made it difficult for me to maintain a script whilst I started a new job. It was like she didn't want me to work or something! I had some harsh words with her, well, I did, she listened!! Needless to say, i've got a bit of a temper that tends to get me into trouble.
It a result of me talking to my drug support worker, i've finally got myself a good one as I had a clash with my last one, and have been on the waiting list for a new one, and met her today for the first time.
I know you were just meaning well and offering me support here
He's not been reported to the police. Measures have just been put in place for my future safety. Yeah, it is a messy and complicated situation, a one that until you've lived it people find very hard to see why the person who's the victim can't just up and leave, but it often runs a lot deeper than just being able to up and go.
I've been without a drug support worker for a while, which is actually against protocol when it comes to my script. I had a huge falling out with my last one, as she made it difficult for me to maintain a script whilst I started a new job. It was like she didn't want me to work or something! I had some harsh words with her, well, I did, she listened!! Needless to say, i've got a bit of a temper that tends to get me into trouble.
NightsEpiphany
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Feb 13, 2013
- Messages
- 2,366
shucks i really hope ol' marmzzz is ok and not suffering. Pets all happy as well ....
Still unhappy about pc. Im sure the internet has had a refreshing break but the world now suffers my presence and is about to suffer some more.. a lot more. Mwhahahaha cough.
Mind you i bumped into a woman that looked like marion faithful yesterday at library.. oh how we laughed about mars bars n that.
THeres a Ricky tic party on this month.. its fancy dress 60s. im going as a mars bar.
http://ultimateclassicrock.com/mick-jagger-mars-bar-snack-gruesome-rock-legends/
http://www.rickytick.com/
assassins welcome.
Still unhappy about pc. Im sure the internet has had a refreshing break but the world now suffers my presence and is about to suffer some more.. a lot more. Mwhahahaha cough.
Mind you i bumped into a woman that looked like marion faithful yesterday at library.. oh how we laughed about mars bars n that.
THeres a Ricky tic party on this month.. its fancy dress 60s. im going as a mars bar.
http://ultimateclassicrock.com/mick-jagger-mars-bar-snack-gruesome-rock-legends/
http://www.rickytick.com/
assassins welcome.
xTalK
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Mar 19, 2013
- Messages
- 208
Reminder of Cornishman and similar BL deaths always saddens me and worries me a lot alongside the death. Question a lot if one day I'm going to be having to write up a thread for my own close friends due to their own struggles and battles with certain drugs.
And with that comes to just over a year since I met Mugz , meeting lots of BLrs tomorrow and originally I planned to just be partying in your name - made my own version of K Cider. But a sober reminder of all the EADDers and BLrs over the years.
And with that comes to just over a year since I met Mugz
, meeting lots of BLrs tomorrow and originally I planned to just be partying in your name - made my own version of K Cider. But a sober reminder of all the EADDers and BLrs over the years.I know a guy who's misanthropic-as-fuck, but has the biggest heart. He's really lovely when you break the ice, and he'd do anything for a friend. He just keeps it all undercover. It's not easy to love him, but I really do.
He's been diagnosed bipolar; same as his abusive mother, whom he and his siblings hated. He's had a few episodes recently, and he's fallen into depression, relapsing on alcohol. He also does heroin.
He's so skinny but he'll take a bottle of bourbon home, drink it with a handful of benzos and pass out. Occasiionally he has tracks.
Where to start? He's going to die. He feels ill every day and vomits blood all the time.
Ever known someone like this?
He's been diagnosed bipolar; same as his abusive mother, whom he and his siblings hated. He's had a few episodes recently, and he's fallen into depression, relapsing on alcohol. He also does heroin.
He's so skinny but he'll take a bottle of bourbon home, drink it with a handful of benzos and pass out. Occasiionally he has tracks.
Where to start? He's going to die. He feels ill every day and vomits blood all the time.
Ever known someone like this?
mydrugbuddy
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Feb 14, 2011
- Messages
- 11,721
try to persuade him to get proffesional help if hes not doing so already ?
He is, and I'm pretty sure it'll pay off if he sticks with it. That's a big 'if' though.
Trouble is that he would never have sought any assistance had he not more-or-less wrecked the fragile world he'd built around himself, so there doesn't seem to be much incentive to try and turn things around. And when I say he's difficult to love, I mean really difficult. Impossible for most people to relate to, and on occasion pretty twisted and hateful. Sometimes it's real, sometimes a put-on, sometimes a mixture of both. It's all pretty understandable when you get to know him, but he's wary of people to the point where he pushes them away, plays headgames and shit. Even I have to stop myself from punching him sometimes. There's a weird kind of purity and honesty to it all though, and you know exactly where you are with him at all times. Which is pretty rare, all told.
There's an awful lot of emotional wreckage to untangle, and it doesn't really help that he can't even seem to take his own feelings seriously. Seems to hate himself while making it appear the exact opposite. Denies being depressed while being the most depressed person I have ever met. And sometimes a grinning, manic, destuctive, demonic idiot. A total fuck-up from head to toe, basically. :D
I don't know; there's only so much you can do with a person like that before they start to eat you up. The kind of unconditional support he needs is so demanding that it burns people out, and it's not as if it's rewarding in any way other than being a part of this charming, witty, charismatic, loving but also stone-crazy guy's protracted death trip. And he has a gift for sabotaging any close relationship anyhow.
Sad to watch, but what can you do without jumping in the fire yourself?
Trouble is that he would never have sought any assistance had he not more-or-less wrecked the fragile world he'd built around himself, so there doesn't seem to be much incentive to try and turn things around. And when I say he's difficult to love, I mean really difficult. Impossible for most people to relate to, and on occasion pretty twisted and hateful. Sometimes it's real, sometimes a put-on, sometimes a mixture of both. It's all pretty understandable when you get to know him, but he's wary of people to the point where he pushes them away, plays headgames and shit. Even I have to stop myself from punching him sometimes. There's a weird kind of purity and honesty to it all though, and you know exactly where you are with him at all times. Which is pretty rare, all told.
There's an awful lot of emotional wreckage to untangle, and it doesn't really help that he can't even seem to take his own feelings seriously. Seems to hate himself while making it appear the exact opposite. Denies being depressed while being the most depressed person I have ever met. And sometimes a grinning, manic, destuctive, demonic idiot. A total fuck-up from head to toe, basically. :D
I don't know; there's only so much you can do with a person like that before they start to eat you up. The kind of unconditional support he needs is so demanding that it burns people out, and it's not as if it's rewarding in any way other than being a part of this charming, witty, charismatic, loving but also stone-crazy guy's protracted death trip. And he has a gift for sabotaging any close relationship anyhow.
Sad to watch, but what can you do without jumping in the fire yourself?
Bodda
Ex-Bluelighter
- Joined
- Aug 22, 2013
- Messages
- 1,835
I usually avoid this thread but today & tomorrow are going to be shitty days more than usual.
This time last year I was running my arse off at "Mrs Farmaz" kids birthday, it's her 7th birthday today & sadly she aint where she should be to celebrate it as some of you are aware.
Though me & Mrs Farmaz split I still love her kid like she was my own & the injustice that has been served on that kid still makes me wanna go mad on the social services of that country.
It would have been about this time 1 year ago I was serving cake to 12 kids & being all "grown up" & thinking I had the world at my feet & was just about to turn a corner, sadly it didn't happen.
Det som engang var, jeg elsker deg
This time last year I was running my arse off at "Mrs Farmaz" kids birthday, it's her 7th birthday today & sadly she aint where she should be to celebrate it as some of you are aware.
Though me & Mrs Farmaz split I still love her kid like she was my own & the injustice that has been served on that kid still makes me wanna go mad on the social services of that country.
It would have been about this time 1 year ago I was serving cake to 12 kids & being all "grown up" & thinking I had the world at my feet & was just about to turn a corner, sadly it didn't happen.
Det som engang var, jeg elsker deg
pinkpapaver
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Nov 27, 2010
- Messages
- 3,967
Much love Shambles & Marmalade.
That really is sad. Sad that you can't be yourself around your boyfriend. He's also helping you destroy your health. Sounds like a great boyfriend you have there. 8)
Tis right. I'm not feeling sad at all, so here's some cheer for everyone
Sammy G, he needs to eat good dinners if he's skinny to help soak up the bourbon, and get outside with nature whenever he can, a walk round a cemetery, moaning like Morrissey or something.
You're probably right, aye.
The nearest cemetery to him is the very same one Mozza wrote the song about as it happens!
maxalfie
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Feb 5, 2011
- Messages
- 7,086
I'm sad to have read about the loss of Cornishman,another man passes away at far too young an age.
This year has been a bad year for losses on EADD unfortunately.
I'm sure though we could have lost more people if they didn't have the information available to them on Bluelight.
It may not appear like it at times like this but I'm sure the harm reduction message of Bluelight will have saved us the loss of even more folk.
This year has been a bad year for losses on EADD unfortunately.
I'm sure though we could have lost more people if they didn't have the information available to them on Bluelight.
It may not appear like it at times like this but I'm sure the harm reduction message of Bluelight will have saved us the loss of even more folk.
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