Joey
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Dec 22, 2015
- Messages
- 6,801
I'm hoping to compile some experiences in rehabs. I'm doing this so that I can write about those experiences in a following harm reduction based thread for anyone in NSADD to be read and get some insight into what it's actually like going there. I can share some of my own, and together with your submissions, I'll be able to make a draft. I'd like to know you're takeaways, both good and bad. What worked for you and what didn't. Was it helpful? was it worth it?
The inpatient rehab programs I've been in were all in Ontario, Canada. They were all subsidized OHIP beds (free). My experiences with them were all very similar. I screwed up the first two, which happened in succesion in 2011, I was drinking on my weekends and I decided to leave because there was no longer any point being there. I told the guys I was oin with what I'd ben doing in a meeting later that night... within a few nights anyway. This was a long time ago.
I just remember being really miserable. Especially in program #2. The first program was inpatient or outpatient depending what you wanted, it was a course on addictions and taught about things like PAWS and had a more contemperary scientific view of addictions. It was a good program, but didn't do much for anyones personal issues because of the format. The second program I went to was more the traditional rehab. The standard rehab program for this area anyway. 3 hots and a cot. Groups in house, chores, mandatory AA/NA meetings. I was assigned a counselor who I saw on a regular basis. At least once a week mandatory and often times more then that because that's what you're supposed to do is talk to staff about what going on with you. About working through your issues. I was also required to write a journal each night, which once a week I was to submit to my counselor to read over. I was required to write my biography and present it to the group. It was something we all did, and that was actually a really great experience most nights. These stories brought the group closer almost every story read.
The other in house groups were sometimes led by a staff member, and sometimes the groups were self-led, so we'd all take turns running groups similar to how we all take turns cooking dinner every night. The enthusiasm is often there, but there's very little in way of actual recovery programming when we (the "addicts") are the ones conducting the train to our own bright path. Sometimes these groups were great in their own right. Sometimes they were literally recovery hangman, and the word of the day is relapse, because "relapse is a part of recovery". I agree it can be, but man is that ever funny to me now in a really cynical way. Out of everyone I knew there for that time I was in, I don't know of a single person who didn't relapse. The fact is, treatment or not, the majority of people with an addiction will relapse at some point. Sometimes once, sometimes not at all, sometimes over and over again for years. The majority of people will and do struggle to some degree.
One of my problems with the majojrity of rehab programming like this, al all the rehabs which followed for me is the abstinence only, overreliance on 12 steps programming because the house has little or none, not medically staffed whatsoever, no little to no resources available to deal with peoples mental health or any of their issues, barely have it together for actual addictions treatment, and then you are also taught that you need to deal with your "core issues". They aren't equipped to deal with any of them themselves, like to have programming available or accessible to start a process professionally, but it is of the utmost importance that was deal with our core issues. It is, and I can say this with certainty - that although I cannot claim I had no good experiences, got no value out of, no help, the place sucked, etc... I have my issues with these rehabs but they actually were extemely helpful for me for awhile. I never left one of these places feeling like I'd truly been able to deal with my issues. I did, at least programs 3-5 got the most out of them that I could.
I threw myself into it the best I could and went to all their meetings, every group, made sure my space was perfect (bed made everything clean etc its a rule), got a sponsor, did steps, I quit smoking for 7 months which started my 4th stay, I went to the gym in my spare time (did NOT become a meathead... see my tips later), worked on my music and recorded a demo one stay, got into transitional housing phase at one point and started going to college upgrading my English (got a 60 in gr.12) to go to university for journalism. I got a phone call from my dad which changed my plans to stay in transitional and go to school, went home instead. Should've stayed I suppose. Plan totally blew.
My experience in rehab overall is both positive and negative. I've definitely gotten some help there and had periods of sobriety which I have not beaten on my own. My longest period sober was 10 months in 2014-2015 and I quit smoking for 7 months in there as well. My biggest issue with these rehabs is admittedly within myself, they're not the type of place that is equipped to deal with the issues I do have with mental health and traumatic experiences in my life. The places with are able to handle concurrent disorders and trauma like this are far and few, often cost a boatload of cash to get into, and nowadays some cases not even running at all. For what they are, the typical rehab bed in Ontario, the experience is worthwhile and they save lives. The system is strapped though, waitlists are long especially now in COVID, the programming which is available is limited, even more in COVID since everything's online, and honestly I can't think of anyone, except maybe one person, who didn't relapse. Many died.
I don't think that the chances of getting clean are really that much better in these rehabs than it is otherwise. It's better than nothing, but the programmings antiquated, underfunded, not medical (addiction/substance use disorder is a medical, psychiatric issue), and what you get out of it is pretty much entirely what you put into it. That's all fine, but what isn't is these places don't have too much to offer for the issue they are supposed to be designed to address, the addiction and everything which comes with that. They promote on dealing with core issues, and have no core foundation to even begin dealing with that with you together for even the most basic stuff. A lot of staff in these places are actually just interns doing their work placement to get their sociak work degrees. The rest of the staff are social workers at best, professionally. They do often have a lot of experience with addiction themselves which is a really good thing. They do the best they can with what they've got. I hope to get some help again someday, but I'm determined to go somewhere I can get treatment and help that's rooted in contemporary medical science and what's right for treating a group of people with addictions. I've always left these places feeling I'd fallen short and I'd eventually crumble under the pressure. My expectations are very much adjusted now to a hard reduction stance and wanting to deal with my "core issues" in a real way. It's going to be an ongoing thing for the rest of my life most likely, even if I don't remain using I'll always have my head to keep in check.
My advice to anyone going to rehab is to really look into what the place you're going to has to offer. If you have any choice of where to go whatsoever, take some time to ask questions and figure out what your goals really are, what you want, is this program going to be a good fit, or workable? Are you ready? These are institutions which are meant to save lives, so it should be that serious for you as well. When looking into rehabs, you want something that will be suitable to what you need in a recovery and what you expect. Sometimes there's isn't much choice where to go for a lot of reasons, mainly financial and geographic, so if you're in the situation where you just need to make the best of it, then make the best of it. These programs are just stepping stones to a whole lifetime of work if you are to keep it up. That can mean all kinds of things, depending who you are and what you want to stick to after the inpatient rehab. Keep your expectations in check and treat this as the investment that it is.
The system itself is really strapped and hijacked by 12 steps, and then there's a whole world of private and luxury rehabs I don't have experience with which are apparently a whole racket of their own. There are some good facilities out there, all different kinds, and I think they're mostly well-intentioned but then there are places which are complete occultist scams like the Church of Scientology's Narconon. Watch out for places that are too much just in it for the money or are literally the fucking occult.
The inpatient rehab programs I've been in were all in Ontario, Canada. They were all subsidized OHIP beds (free). My experiences with them were all very similar. I screwed up the first two, which happened in succesion in 2011, I was drinking on my weekends and I decided to leave because there was no longer any point being there. I told the guys I was oin with what I'd ben doing in a meeting later that night... within a few nights anyway. This was a long time ago.
I just remember being really miserable. Especially in program #2. The first program was inpatient or outpatient depending what you wanted, it was a course on addictions and taught about things like PAWS and had a more contemperary scientific view of addictions. It was a good program, but didn't do much for anyones personal issues because of the format. The second program I went to was more the traditional rehab. The standard rehab program for this area anyway. 3 hots and a cot. Groups in house, chores, mandatory AA/NA meetings. I was assigned a counselor who I saw on a regular basis. At least once a week mandatory and often times more then that because that's what you're supposed to do is talk to staff about what going on with you. About working through your issues. I was also required to write a journal each night, which once a week I was to submit to my counselor to read over. I was required to write my biography and present it to the group. It was something we all did, and that was actually a really great experience most nights. These stories brought the group closer almost every story read.
The other in house groups were sometimes led by a staff member, and sometimes the groups were self-led, so we'd all take turns running groups similar to how we all take turns cooking dinner every night. The enthusiasm is often there, but there's very little in way of actual recovery programming when we (the "addicts") are the ones conducting the train to our own bright path. Sometimes these groups were great in their own right. Sometimes they were literally recovery hangman, and the word of the day is relapse, because "relapse is a part of recovery". I agree it can be, but man is that ever funny to me now in a really cynical way. Out of everyone I knew there for that time I was in, I don't know of a single person who didn't relapse. The fact is, treatment or not, the majority of people with an addiction will relapse at some point. Sometimes once, sometimes not at all, sometimes over and over again for years. The majority of people will and do struggle to some degree.
One of my problems with the majojrity of rehab programming like this, al all the rehabs which followed for me is the abstinence only, overreliance on 12 steps programming because the house has little or none, not medically staffed whatsoever, no little to no resources available to deal with peoples mental health or any of their issues, barely have it together for actual addictions treatment, and then you are also taught that you need to deal with your "core issues". They aren't equipped to deal with any of them themselves, like to have programming available or accessible to start a process professionally, but it is of the utmost importance that was deal with our core issues. It is, and I can say this with certainty - that although I cannot claim I had no good experiences, got no value out of, no help, the place sucked, etc... I have my issues with these rehabs but they actually were extemely helpful for me for awhile. I never left one of these places feeling like I'd truly been able to deal with my issues. I did, at least programs 3-5 got the most out of them that I could.
I threw myself into it the best I could and went to all their meetings, every group, made sure my space was perfect (bed made everything clean etc its a rule), got a sponsor, did steps, I quit smoking for 7 months which started my 4th stay, I went to the gym in my spare time (did NOT become a meathead... see my tips later), worked on my music and recorded a demo one stay, got into transitional housing phase at one point and started going to college upgrading my English (got a 60 in gr.12) to go to university for journalism. I got a phone call from my dad which changed my plans to stay in transitional and go to school, went home instead. Should've stayed I suppose. Plan totally blew.
My experience in rehab overall is both positive and negative. I've definitely gotten some help there and had periods of sobriety which I have not beaten on my own. My longest period sober was 10 months in 2014-2015 and I quit smoking for 7 months in there as well. My biggest issue with these rehabs is admittedly within myself, they're not the type of place that is equipped to deal with the issues I do have with mental health and traumatic experiences in my life. The places with are able to handle concurrent disorders and trauma like this are far and few, often cost a boatload of cash to get into, and nowadays some cases not even running at all. For what they are, the typical rehab bed in Ontario, the experience is worthwhile and they save lives. The system is strapped though, waitlists are long especially now in COVID, the programming which is available is limited, even more in COVID since everything's online, and honestly I can't think of anyone, except maybe one person, who didn't relapse. Many died.
I don't think that the chances of getting clean are really that much better in these rehabs than it is otherwise. It's better than nothing, but the programmings antiquated, underfunded, not medical (addiction/substance use disorder is a medical, psychiatric issue), and what you get out of it is pretty much entirely what you put into it. That's all fine, but what isn't is these places don't have too much to offer for the issue they are supposed to be designed to address, the addiction and everything which comes with that. They promote on dealing with core issues, and have no core foundation to even begin dealing with that with you together for even the most basic stuff. A lot of staff in these places are actually just interns doing their work placement to get their sociak work degrees. The rest of the staff are social workers at best, professionally. They do often have a lot of experience with addiction themselves which is a really good thing. They do the best they can with what they've got. I hope to get some help again someday, but I'm determined to go somewhere I can get treatment and help that's rooted in contemporary medical science and what's right for treating a group of people with addictions. I've always left these places feeling I'd fallen short and I'd eventually crumble under the pressure. My expectations are very much adjusted now to a hard reduction stance and wanting to deal with my "core issues" in a real way. It's going to be an ongoing thing for the rest of my life most likely, even if I don't remain using I'll always have my head to keep in check.
My advice to anyone going to rehab is to really look into what the place you're going to has to offer. If you have any choice of where to go whatsoever, take some time to ask questions and figure out what your goals really are, what you want, is this program going to be a good fit, or workable? Are you ready? These are institutions which are meant to save lives, so it should be that serious for you as well. When looking into rehabs, you want something that will be suitable to what you need in a recovery and what you expect. Sometimes there's isn't much choice where to go for a lot of reasons, mainly financial and geographic, so if you're in the situation where you just need to make the best of it, then make the best of it. These programs are just stepping stones to a whole lifetime of work if you are to keep it up. That can mean all kinds of things, depending who you are and what you want to stick to after the inpatient rehab. Keep your expectations in check and treat this as the investment that it is.
The system itself is really strapped and hijacked by 12 steps, and then there's a whole world of private and luxury rehabs I don't have experience with which are apparently a whole racket of their own. There are some good facilities out there, all different kinds, and I think they're mostly well-intentioned but then there are places which are complete occultist scams like the Church of Scientology's Narconon. Watch out for places that are too much just in it for the money or are literally the fucking occult.
