The MA heroin thread

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I hear this alot but willing to take a chance; I am having a good time on my subs but it's only been 4 month sand I already dropped my dosage significantly. I am hoping to ride out 8MG for the next week or so to see how this goes; if not, I'll back to my 12MG and be happy. I am in no rush to get back to that HORRIBLE life I was once living. '

everyone plays this drug game different; sure, we all have a lot in common, but everyone has a different plan/way to treat the disease. its funny when you think/read of all the things people have to say. addiction, such a whacky disease. and I was one who was never about calling it a disease but the more I read/see what others have to say/think, the more I think of it as a certain type of disease that hits everyone differently.
 
I can't even watch shows like Intervention anymore. I see some addict shooting up, the needle turning red from hitting a vein, and going into the vein...gahhh!! I should go watch some classic Nickelodeon instead. :p I reason with myself that I can shoot up another day. That's why I was able to take the other half of my sub tonight. Now I just have to make sure I do the same thing again tomorrow. Then the day after, I'll do the same thing. That's one thing about Narcotics Anonymous that works for me: one day at a time. At best, I can only seem to control myself to only using once a week. I'd like to change that.
 
Nocturne83 said:
I can't even watch shows like Intervention anymore. I see some addict shooting up, the needle turning red from hitting a vein, and going into the vein...gahhh!! I should go watch some classic Nickelodeon instead. :p I reason with myself that I can shoot up another day. That's why I was able to take the other half of my sub tonight. Now I just have to make sure I do the same thing again tomorrow. Then the day after, I'll do the same thing. That's one thing about Narcotics Anonymous that works for me: one day at a time. At best, I can only seem to control myself to only using once a week. I'd like to change that.
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there are many times it crosses my mind that I am now in full control and could easily use once a week. but then realize thats just the sick addict in me. that once a week will become twice a week. then its 3 times a week. then 2. and soon enough it's twice a day. I went down that road a few times now. i truly feel you need to stay away from the drug if you truly want to get off the drug.

in my last 4 months of sobriety I havent seen dope once; I did see a few perc 30s but those were never something I'd think would work so it didnt cross my mind much. but I would be scared if each and every day I saw dope or even once a week I got to see "my guy". then that old me comes back and life is down and out again.
 
Yeah if you actually want to stay sober... there is no such thing as "using once in a while".
 
exactly. and thats why I dont do it. I realize thats the junkie in me just wanting/finding a way to get myself that drug. that drug had me by the balls for so long. just sitting in my car w/ the music pumping and me pumping my arm day after day. just thinking it was normal to always be sitting in a dunkin donuts parking lot and then to run into the bathroom. same goes for walgreens, cvs, stop and shop, etc. but i am SURE i was not the only junkie blasting in those 1 man stalls. at times id get sloppy and shoot while i would drive. or just shoot while in traffic or sitting in the car or even right at my desk at work kinda hiding my arm under it. how fucking SICK is all that? its so weird how i "thinik" i see the world clear now and think of my past and just say WOW.
 
BostonBrownTown said:
exactly. and thats why I dont do it. I realize thats the junkie in me just wanting/finding a way to get myself that drug. that drug had me by the balls for so long. just sitting in my car w/ the music pumping and me pumping my arm day after day. just thinking it was normal to always be sitting in a dunkin donuts parking lot and then to run into the bathroom. same goes for walgreens, cvs, stop and shop, etc. but i am SURE i was not the only junkie blasting in those 1 man stalls. at times id get sloppy and shoot while i would drive. or just shoot while in traffic or sitting in the car or even right at my desk at work kinda hiding my arm under it. how fucking SICK is all that? its so weird how i "thinik" i see the world clear now and think of my past and just say WOW.
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HAHAHAHA....damn I got flashbacks reading your post...been there in McDonalds, Dunkin Donuts, and the Bus Terminal a bunch of times. Used to have to take two buses to go cop and I was usually sick as a dog so I promised myself when I got to the terminal to transfer I would hit up the bathroom...tried while in a car but most times I would miss so I stopped that shit quick...don't know why but I guess with all the windows you're afraid someone's just gonna walk up and spot you....
 
BostonBrownTown said:
there are many times it crosses my mind that I am now in full control and could easily use once a week. but then realize thats just the sick addict in me. that once a week will become twice a week. then its 3 times a week. then 2. and soon enough it's twice a day. I went down that road a few times now. i truly feel you need to stay away from the drug if you truly want to get off the drug.

in my last 4 months of sobriety I havent seen dope once; I did see a few perc 30s but those were never something I'd think would work so it didnt cross my mind much. but I would be scared if each and every day I saw dope or even once a week I got to see "my guy". then that old me comes back and life is down and out again.
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I feel like suboxone gives you a false sense of confidence in that respect. Since I got off of it it's become abundantly clear that there's no way I could 'control' my drug use if I were to pick up again, but when I was on sub it took away my cravings enough to think that I wouldn't fiend for it much if I used a few times a month or something.
 
I just hate the fact that if one is maintaining on buprenorphine then your not really allowing your brain to start producing it's own endogenous opiates/endorphins. Don't get me wrong, if subs allow you to get some stability back in your life then by all means keep it in your "recovery toolbox" (haha how corny am I) and continue to work on keeping on track.

On another note, it's almost time for us to have a new MA thread, hah. When I first started posting in this thread like a year and a half ago it was pretty dead and I honestly didn't think it would last and I was just happy to see it existed just for the reason that it proved there were other members around me, but I was proved wrong and we kept it going strong with solid posts (most of the time haha). I've never really thought of it like this, but my posts in this thread have logged the emotional/ physical ups and downs of my past year and a half.
 
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Effect said:
I just hate the fact that if one is maintaining on buprenorphine then your not really allowing your brain to start producing it's own endogenous opiates/endorphins. Don't get me wrong, if subs allow you to get some stability back in your life then by all means keep it in your "recovery toolbox" (haha how corny am I) and continue to work on keeping on track.

On another note, it's almost time for us to have a new MA thread, hah. When I first started posting in this thread like a year and a half ago it was pretty dead and I honestly didn't think it would last and I was just happy to see it existed just for the reason that it proved there were other members around me, but I was proved wrong and we kept it going strong with solid posts (most of the time haha). I've never really thought of it like this, but my posts in this thread have logged the emotional/ physical ups and downs of my past year and a half.
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Thank you, sir. it's exactly why I am sticking w/ my subs. it gave me a new fucking meaning to life. I am a human fucking being. I wont overdraft my account day after day.... oh, which leads me to a funny story. anyway, I am in the middle of a bankruptcy claim, which is funny cuz I NEVER had as much money as I do now. but anyway, I owe about 70k between medical and credit. alot of the credit came from cash advances for dope.

anyway, I had to get my billing statements from my bank over the past year. so me and the lawyer are adding it all up. and MY OVERDRACT FEE's were $3000+. Imagine that? I was OVER DRAFTING every 3 days basically. I paid what most people pay to go on vacation to exotic places just in charges in order to get fronted money to buy dope. tell me that is not fucking insane? when I saw that it blew my mind.

anyway, GO BOSTON!!

btw, Effect, where do you live again? I always see Northshore, which is me.. but I wonder where? I am Saugus/Lynn line.
 
Damn credit cash advances are bad news for a dope addict. I actually ran up like 2k using it to western union myself money. Didn't realize it counts towards the credit cash limit...but I started using cash advances when I noticed it was no better and just took extra time. The interest on cash advances is brutal, like 25-30% apr

How'd you get so many overdrafts? Did your bank just let you withdraw money that wasn't there and then charge o/d fees? I thought it had to be a debit expense to overdraft.
 
Oh man, if i had all the overdraft fees ive accumulated over the years i could probably buy half a kilo of raw lol. Sooo much of it. Also a lot of times i could depost a check and wd the funds immediately while it cleared, so needless to say i did that a looooot.
 
As Effect mentioned, we are nearing the end of this thread. If anyone has any ideas for the title of the next one we'd be happy to hear them.
 
Johnny blue said:
As Effect mentioned, we are nearing the end of this thread. If anyone has any ideas for the title of the next one we'd be happy to hear them.
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let's legit call it Boston Brown Town - nothing to do w/ me; although, that is my name. but it's Boston and we are talking about dope. I think it would be pretty cool, ha.

I never knew it was called brown town until I met a new dealer and he said it. from that down on I've been calling it brown town which each and every purchase I made. my friends and I started it as a joke and now it's become a normal thing to say when scoring/picking up, etc.

BTW- reason I am filing bankruptcy is because I would just take cash advances or buy TV's, laptops, whatever and trade for dope. I'd give a fucking new iPad away for a gram or so of dope. imagine? 400 machine for 100 bag. realize the kid was doing my a favor cuz he barely wanted the iPad anyway cuz he was a junkie too. its just nuts w/ what I would do.

I remember ALWAYS TELLING HIM that when he needs gas to call me and let me know. wherever he'd go I'd show up and put the gas on my credit card and then pay the rest from there. isnt that a sick idea? same thing goes for anything he wanted to buy at the mall. i also paid for his monthly phone bill just so I could get more dope. ANY BILL HE NEEDED TO BE PAID BY CARD I DID IT FOR HIM. he didnt have ANY CREDIT so I just used ALL MY CREDIT to buy drugs. they were FREE kinda but at the same time I also gave him ALL OF MY REAL MONEY!

let's move this to Boston Brown Town vs. Massachusetts dopes!
 
BostonBrownTown said:
Thank you, sir. it's exactly why I am sticking w/ my subs. it gave me a new fucking meaning to life. I am a human fucking being. I wont overdraft my account day after day.... oh, which leads me to a funny story. anyway, I am in the middle of a bankruptcy claim, which is funny cuz I NEVER had as much money as I do now. but anyway, I owe about 70k between medical and credit. alot of the credit came from cash advances for dope.

anyway, I had to get my billing statements from my bank over the past year. so me and the lawyer are adding it all up. and MY OVERDRACT FEE's were $3000+. Imagine that? I was OVER DRAFTING every 3 days basically. I paid what most people pay to go on vacation to exotic places just in charges in order to get fronted money to buy dope. tell me that is not fucking insane? when I saw that it blew my mind.

anyway, GO BOSTON!!

btw, Effect, where do you live again? I always see Northshore, which is me.. but I wonder where? I am Saugus/Lynn line.
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I'm right by you man, that's craZy. Lynnfield, Saugus, Lynn area. WALNUT ST yeeeee..... I've probably driven past your work multiple times. I'll have to pay more attention to what tattoo shops I drive by when I'm in Lynn haha
 
I must be the only person from Western MA here on MHT...anyone else from my area: Springfield, Holyoke, Chicopee, Westfield, Wilbraham...I guess the Pioneer Valley???
 
Effect said:
I'm right by you man, that's craZy. Lynnfield, Saugus, Lynn area. WALNUT ST yeeeee..... I've probably driven past your work multiple times. I'll have to pay more attention to what tattoo shops I drive by when I'm in Lynn haha
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dude, swing in one day and ask for <snip> and say youre Effect.. would be cool to put the face w/ the name. hell, we may even know each other considering what we both do/have did and where we are. each one of those spots you mentioned I am there daily. been living in Peabody, making a move to Saugus soon, but I am from Revere and just TRIED to get in a Lynn/Saugus line apartment building but got SHUT DOWN once they ran my background check.

what do you do for work?
 
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