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Social The Longest Sexual Drought You’ve Suffered Since You Lost Your Virginity - and how it made you feel.

Atomic_Decay

Atomic_Decay

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 1, 2021
Messages
1,221
Why did you stop having sex and how bad was it? Or do you see some positives in not getting any for an extended period?
 
I didn’t have sex from February 2020 - August 2020, which was actually due to agoraphobia resulting from tarantulas and large wolf spiders, centipedes and other venomous insects I encountered regularly outside.

After losing my job due to COVID, I had no $$ saved for a new place. My brother offered me my own place to stay on his several acres of property. So I was living in a tiny hamlet of 143 people in very rural New Mexico on a farm. The closest real town was 65 miles away and with the windy hills, plus the deer, elk and javelinas (pig-peckery things with tusks) that would run in the road, the drive took nearly 1.5 hours each way. There was a Walmart in the town, so I bought groceries in large quantities to avoid having to make the drive more than twice a month.

There were 2 seasons where I was staying; freeze your ass off cold and sweat your boobs off heat. But within my little place, my brother had installed a jacuzzi tub, so I spent many enjoyable hours there.

Once it turned hot, I despised going outside due to the tarantulas, centipedes and other stinging insects that were all over. I hate large, robust-bodied spiders especially, so I stayed inside 24/7 and I avoided leaving, except when absolutely necessary. I basically lived as an agoraphobe, getting everything I needed from Amazon, hanging in the jacuzzi, watching Amazon prime and taking Russian lessons online for fun.

I know people who haven’t experienced it would find it hard to believe, but when it gets very hot in the Southwest, rains come most afternoons, called Monsoons. Unfortunately, when the rains cool down things, male tarantulas begin a migration in a quest to mate with females, who live nearly their entire lives in burrows. The females live 15-25 years and the males usually live just 6-8 years because they are exposed and cruising around during this time. There’s an insect called a Tarantula Hawk that was responsible for a good portion of male tarantula deaths, with the insect stinging and paralyzing the spider, then using the spider to deposit + store its eggs, that later feed on the tarantula until they are ready to fly. Seeing these stunned spiders and bits of spiders outside was awful. And the sting of the tarantula hawk, a large orange + black flying monster, is said to be one of the most painful things one can experience. I couldn’t go outside without seeing them, and 2 small tarantulas (2” leg span) even got inside the building I was living in. The centipedes were ridiculously oversized, at 7” plus, and the particular genus living with me in that area has a nasty reputation.

One thing that was cool was going outside at night (while my older brother kept an eye out for nearby tarantulas) with a black light, and checking out scorpions. I found an awesome specimen of a scorpion one night in my little kitchenette area and I tried to pick it up by its front pinchers. I learned in fractions of a second what a scorpion sting was like, and it was unlike any other envenomation I’d ever experienced. I’d truly believed that scorpions had no ability to sting overhead, because I was used to the mechanics of stingrays, who apply their barbed tale downward, but not overhead. I was left with finger, hand, arm, shoulder and boob numbness that lasted nearly 10 months.

Shortly afterward, I bought a home in San Diego, where I’d lived my entire life and I got to leave the place that turned me into an agoraphobic. I’m glad to have been stung by the scorpion; it was an amazing experience and I have great regard for these insects now. These days I only see raccoons, skunks and opposums around my house, plus dozens of waterfowl at the lake, just 1/8 of mile from my home, and all are loved.

Not long after moving home, I had a 3-some that killed my dry spell but wasn’t at all satisfying. I talk to neither party now. Then I began talking to someone here on Bluelight around May or June of 2021. We’ve been seeing each other for a few months; he lives about a 2.5 hour drive from me. We even spent Thanksgiving together. So dry spell is officially over. I love my darvocet21.
 
Nas47 said:
2-3 years may be.Years ago.Dont bother me at all,cause i have been on H that time and was too busy to search for a money for the next fix.
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In retrospect would you say you generally preferred H to sex? Would certain kinds of sex (say in context of a loving relationship) have been more preferable than H than others.

For many years I only wanted sex within a relationship but because of my drinking and drug-taking I could not get a relationship going so often didn’t have sex for stretches of a year or more. I would frequently buy my coke from hookers and pimps though and as a solid customer for drugs they’d often offer sexual extras or a full-on party but I just had zero interest in sex like that. When into drugs my libido just disappeared, although I still enjoyed a good massage after a bender. . It became a bit different though when I switched from coke to meth.~
 
Atomic_Decay said:
In retrospect would you say you generally preferred H to sex? Would certain kinds of sex (say in context of a loving relationship) have been more preferable than H than others.

For many years I only wanted sex within a relationship but because of my drinking and drug-taking I could not get a relationship going so often didn’t have sex for stretches of a year or more. I would frequently buy my coke from hookers and pimps though and as a solid customer for drugs they’d often offer sexual extras or a full-on party but I just had zero interest in sex like that. When into drugs my libido just disappeared, although I still enjoyed a good massage after a bender. . It became a bit different though when I switched from coke to meth.~
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Its not about preferences.First being on opies your libido goes down.Secondly being a street junkie(at that time i was homeless for a while) is a fulltime job -always on search for money.No time for anything.Thats why i did not finished university after 3 years studying archeology.Now on most antisexual substance-buprenorphine.Three months-only two times have sex.This stuff lowers your libido like nothing else....and before that i was pretty sexual.
 
I am still in my longest dry spell-- 8 years. I'm OK with it but not thrilled about it, either. During the first half of this period I had a heavy opioid habit which totally killed my libido, so it only feels like it's been 4 years.

I'm a serial monogamist. 5, 6, 7 year relationships have been my pattern. When I'm with a woman I love, I'm extremely sexual. When I'm alone, not so much.

One night stands are rare for me. If there's no emotional attachment, I may as well just jerk off. Which I do now and then.
 
jasperkent said:
I am still in my longest dry spell-- 8 years. I'm OK with it but not thrilled about it, either. During the first half of this period I had a heavy opioid habit which totally killed my libido, so it only feels like it's been 4 years.

I'm a serial monogamist. 5, 6, 7 year relationships have been my pattern. When I'm with a woman I love, I'm extremely sexual. When I'm alone, not so much.

One night stands are rare for me. If there's no emotional attachment, I may as well just jerk off. Which I do now and then.
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I'm the same - I cannot imagine being so intimate with someone you didn't know, let alone didn't LOVE. Evidently this is 20th century thinking and with the way things are going, Bluelight is going to end up sponsored by Tinder, Grindr & match.com :cool:
 
Feretile said:
I'm the same - I cannot imagine being so intimate with someone you didn't know, let alone didn't LOVE. Evidently this is 20th century thinking and with the way things are going, Bluelight is going to end up sponsored by Tinder, Grindr & match.com :cool:
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As I’ve gotten older I’ve had more and more one night stands and interactions with casual meets or sex workers. It’s kind of inversely proportional to my failed attempts at long term monogomous loving relationships. Since they have all failed spectacularly seemingly due to my mental health problems - or possibly just my personality - I’ve periodically assuaged my deep loneliness wherever I could find company for a while.

However, in ALL those short-time interactions I’ve had to be in a headspace where if I did not actually love that person I acted towards them entirely as if I did for the time that we were together. That is to say respectfully, considerate of their enjoyment of the time together, and generously. No matter how enjoyable the first experience though, I tend not to try and have a second or third experience with the same person as I fear it will become an emotional attachment and my emotional attachments always end in tears and recrimination for someone.
 

Happiness Makes Up in Height For What It Lacks in Length.

I'm not worried if I am alone. I like relationships but I also like to be alone. Since all of my close friends are ladies, it's not like I don't meet people but I've had friends for 30 years... it seems more durable. I'm not dependent on anyone else for my own happiness. I have a home, warmth, food, security and hope; it's enough.​

 
December 2016 was the last possibility bc I recd my dx then and just didn’t know it would affect me so profoundly much less after having radical surgery. And when guys come on to me nothing now makes me feel more cheap and dirty and gross especially the last one you said let’s fuck with your no boobs.


I used to think that once I lost my vehicle lost all my money my belongings that people wouldn’t want anything from me anymore. I found out that as long as I’m breathing someone has power over you even if it’s a hospice nurse. If you wanted to get into skull Fuckery then it doesn’t even matter if you’re alive. Yes I’m a bit jaded.
 
The last 18 years, believe it or not.

Between 2003 and 2005, I had four bad relationships. Two cheated on me, and two were just plain psycho... especially the last one. She stalked me for months after I broke up with her. I swore off dating indefinitely and said that it would take a very special woman to make me consider dating again.

I've had a couple of opportunities for casual sex with female friends, but I've never been the hookup/one-night stand kind of guy. I've only done it couple of times when I was much younger and found it to be rather unfulfilling and awkward.
 
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