Beat Narrative
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Mar 19, 2011
- Messages
- 306
so, I am an alcoholic and substance dependent. I am 34 I have maintained a stable life and currently travelling the world indefinitely. I drink from the moment I wake up and continue until I fall asleep, I am lucky and also cursed that whilst I get wasted on the exterior I appear relatively sober. I know I need to stop but its hard while travelling, everyday seems like a holiday. I have have made attempts to stop, been to AA but it seemed to me like each person was trying to out do the next with stories of woe, I know I should have perservered and found the meeting that resonated with me. I almost wish I did something to shame myself into sobriety. When I mention to people my concerns about drinking it is trivialised, I have not hit rock bottom, I have been travelling for six months and intend to travel for another 18 months. Its gotten to the point I need to drink to feel functional. I know this is not a story of woe, but my mother drank herself to death by 38 and I feel i am on the same course . I guess i am wondering if anyone can relate and successfully addressed the problem. Please don't think i am some over privileged asshole feeling sorry for myself, left Melbourne purely to escape what was looking like a meth problem was on the cards, the money I am travelling with is money from my mothers estate. I have just polished off a bottle of vodka, my hotel room looks like a scene from leaving Las Vegas. Anyway, writing in a public forum is cathartic , anyone who bothered to read this thanks and i hope anyone suffering drinking or other substance abuse issues, stay safe and if u ever need to chat pm me, it can hopefully be mutually beneficial