Firstly, I want to thank all of you for your input and thoughts. I made that initial post in a moment of fear and desperation, and you all took the time and effort to contribute, and I owe you all many thanks for that. Seeing as that was my first post on these forums (despite being a lurker for years), it truly means a lot to read these responses. I feel it necessary to provide some clarification/background: I am 29 years old, I have lived my own life and have functioned on my own as a person who enjoys and relies on opiates to get me through life for quite awhile now. My parents/family don't know much about this.
So to cut to the chase, I basically ended up moving in with them temporarily while I figured out what to do next in my life. As previously stated, they found the PST stuff, and had a talk about it with me. I very much appreciate @eurphoricnod's comments on this - giving me logical advice on how to deal with a sticky situation. For an update, they talked to me and I played everything down, resulting in a stalemate where they are concerned for me yet accepted my side of the story, saying that the tea is simply a homemade "medicine" that helps me on a day-to-day basis and that they shouldn't go crazy worrying about me, as I have sustained myself for quite some time and I am very much a grown man who is "ok" and am just doing something that seems confusing and scary to them based on what they have read on the internet. @euphoricnod specifically - you brought up a really good point in that I truly am not sure whether I want to stop doing opiates. I always read about how it takes "hitting rock bottom" to quit, or more accurately that you truly HAVE to WANT to quit in order to do so. I'm at a crossroads there because I love opiates and they mean the world to me (if I'm being honest), but I also feel like maybe this is the point where I have an opportunity to step away from them, and if I don't accept this "deal", it might not be there in the future.
Here's my thought process with drugs: do them, love them, get everything you can from them, but at some point you have to stop. Is this that point? Honestly, I can't possibly imagine ever NOT being immensely attracted to opiates. But again, I'm 29 and I feel like maybe if I cut it off right now, I can say "that's that" and get away from them (as much as is possible for any human being with a predisposition to use). I'm a resourceful person and know that if properly motivated I can keep the opiate train running, but the wheels have been getting squeaky and the ride bumpy. For what it's worth, I have never EVER come out in the open about my addiction and said "I quit" or come clean and explained to everyone the extent of my habits. That is why I'm very cautious in regards to approaching this - I don't want to fail in trying to quit and bring a ton of attention to this. Once again, I truly appreciate everyone taking the time to reply to this, I'm not sure how it will end up but I'm glad I brought it up on here. Thanks again guys, and good luck to everyone else as we navigate these weird waters.
PS - I wrote all of that pretty quickly, but I want to individually thank BlueSaffron, Smoky, and Herbavore for their input. I got a lot more input than I expected for this and without being sappy I just want you to know I read all of your replies and took them all to heart, so thank you!
Will,
First, thanks for posting your story. Second, you sound exactly like me 7 years ago, I was 29, had legit chronic pain, but I also loved the opiates that were prescribed to me. Now im 36, lost the ages of 3-9, in my daughters life.
Take the deal man, I know how you feel currently, but trust me, being clean feels so much better. If you're the man you say you are, tell the parents the truth. I know its hard, but you don't want to go down this path. Save yourself 7 years and I hope you find your way. Make no doubt, if left alone, opiates will steal everything you have. All it needs is time. Read this before you cross the red line:
I destroy homes, I tear families apart, I take your children, and that's just the start.
I'm more costly than diamonds, more precious than gold, the sorrow I bring is asight to behold.
If you need me, remember I'm easily found, I live all around you - in schoolsand in town
I live with the rich, I live with the poor, I live down the street, and maybenext door.
My power is awesome, try me you'll see, But if you do, you may never breakfree.
Just try me once and I might let you go, But try me twice, and I'll own yoursoul.
When I possess you, you'll steal and you'll lie, You do what you have to justto get high.
The crimes you'll commit for my narcotic charms Will be worth the pleasureyou'll feel in your arms.
You'll lie to your mother, you'll steal from your dad, when you see theirtears, you should feel sad.
But you'll forget your morals and how you were raised, I'll be your conscience,I'll teach you my ways.
I take kids from parents, and parents from kids, I turn people from God, andseparate friends.
I'll take everything from you, your looks and your pride, I'll be with youalways, right by your side.
You'll give up everything - your family, your home, your friends, your money,then you'll be alone.
I'll take and take, till you have nothing more to give, when I'm finished withyou, you'll be lucky to live.
If you try me be warned - this is no game, If given the chance, I'll drive youinsane.
I'll ravish your body, I'll control your mind, I'll own you completely, yoursoul will be mine.
You won't be able to lie in your bed, the voices you'll hear, from inside yourhead.
The sweats, the shakes, the pain your body will feel, I want you to know, theseare all gifts from me.
But then it's too late, and you'll know in your heart, that you are mine, andwe shall not part.
You'll regret that you tried me, they always do, but you came to me, not I toyou.
You knew this would happen, many times you were told, but you challenged mypower, and chose to be bold.
You could have said no, and just walked away, If you could live that day over,now what would you say?
I'll be your master, you will be my slave, I'll even go with you, when you goto your grave.
Now that you have met me, what will you do? Will you try me or not? It's all upto you.
I can bring you more misery than words can tell,Come take my hand, let melead you to HELL.
