The fear of going insane

[swilow]

I used to struggle in turning a difficult trip around. I would be loving it and then suddenly "the fear"! I felt powerless to stop it. One night, I was on 2ce and dexamp, a silly combination to be honest, and by myself. The trip went bad, I was getting scared and really lost in it. I just started meditating on the idea that I was safe and simply scared and the idea of fear became something abstract and meaningless, and after a while the deepest euphoria took hold and the trip turned into an incredibly rewarding one. I've never had a panic attack while tripping since. I know how to reverse one now, and I seemed to have derealised that notion of fear. I think its important to try and work through it rather than benzo through it, once you conquer something it often stays conquered.

My mates dropped in after and dosed up too and one guy really lost it which was spooky and intense but I just observed with that deep euphoria and was able to comfort him and eventually he was deep in joy too. A pleasing night although there were multiple concerning incidents regarding my friend, which broke my friendship with him but anyway.

 

[Chris Timothy]

We're all mad and ecologically self-destructive already. The bigger madness is not feeling this awareness creep under your skin.