^ that's right.
I think a lot of opiate addicts (past and present) wish they'd never sought it out and learned to enjoy it (whether it's smack, codeine, oxy, opium or whatever ignited their taste in the first place - because it's not something you can undo, or un-learn.
Im one of those people - i feel like the decade of addiction i lived in before i ever tried to quit really wired my brain into seeing opiate addiction as normal, and being not-addicted for a long time meant
unstable, depressed, anxious, irritable.
The process of getting off opiates is a long hard road with a huge amount of pain, suffering and effort that could be way better spent achieving something more constructive with your life. Basically, it's like pandora's box - and for me, the mental health shit that my habit (and various dramas that using it, and trying to detox off it) caused, were worse than the shitty things that i was originally self-medicating to deal with when i first became a dependent user.
There are a lot of bullshit myths about heroin/opiates - but one that i think is true is the idea that people who dabble will almost inevitably fall into addicted use. Sadly, i think that one is actually true for a lot of people i know both on bluelight and IRL.
I love to debunk drug myths, especially ones that demonise drugs, but sadly it's been my experience that most people i've known who enjoy the occasional opiate buzz end up succumbing after a rough break-up, the death of a loved one or some other stress or trauma.
And it's certainly true that once you've been addicted, this "call" becomes louder, more demanding and a hell of a lot more convincing.
I'm really happy to read your update - thank you for posting it! I hope you keep it up.
This subject makes me think of the Nick Cave lyric from the Birthday Party song
Pleasure Avalanche;
"Don't turn over that rock / you will like what you will find!"
Choose life!
