METHOXETAMINE - The Yin And Yang of All Things
Two days ago and yesterday I had a dual session with Methoxetamine of which I'm reporting now. The report may be a bit boring as essentially I got the same message again, just further realized and worked out. I tell you that for many it will be worth the long read and I hope it will be as big an Aha moment for you as it was for me.
The day before yesterday my best friend decided out of the blue to want to get a full session with methoxetamine, and I happily obliged to take him.
I wanted to weigh and my milligram scales went apeshit. My brand new ones, same thing. I noticed my friends Android phone was 2 foot away from the scales. He put it 3 yards away and the scales worked perfectly, That blew my mind.
He took 30mg sublingually, I 40. For both it was a very rough ride to experience the initial retreat of consciousness from the body. As always, the second 30mg dose was a lot less violent on the body, consciousness had parted mostly with it, and a lot more active on the mind. Up until that point he found it physically very strong but mentally seemingly underwhelming.
I asked him whether he felt part of him was sober, yet part felt like he had sloshed down 20 grams of shrooms with 2 liters of vodka and he agreed to that assessment, especially the vodka part. He had visuals of combat throughout time, men fighting each other and him having the sense of "I dont want to have part in that anymore." He told me "I feel theres an issue I'm trying to get out in the open, and if I take more, it will finally come to light.
We then took 20mg. This slid us both into a shallow hole. The deep dark void and visuals inside it which could be approached and manipulated from all angles. He said "dark caverns" and I could completely relate.
I asked him whether he wanted to take more to plunge deeper in the hole. He chose 30mg, I chose 20. I weighed the doses on Rizla rolling papers and went to take the scales away. He blew for some reason, sending my dose and his flying on the carpet. He was all apologies but I cared not and started to weight doses again. My rolling paper was empty, his had still 20mg on it. He said "This is meant to be, I'm going with the 20." I was like "dont be apologetic, if you want 30 you get 30." buit he insisted he got the signal that it was meant to be and the 20 that survived was what was meant to be. I told him to always heed those hunches, they happen a lot in MXE sessions and are crucial for success. I weighed myself a fresh 20 and dropped.
I put out the candles again, he lay down in darkness, and I slumped in my chair. We were already in the hole, so we went deeper from the start.
I went to an especially pleasant Divine place. I sensed a cosmic Unity and started oracling. My friend got evermore silent and I got the message from my intuition to stop talking and let him experience the Hole for the first time. Occasionally I couldsnt help but whisper "deeper, deeper deeper.." and deeper we went.
The time his GF would come approached so I offered to make pizza. He agreed so I said, with Holish brazenness: "Brother Tuna and Brother Grain have given their lives to offer us this meal, so in the name of Jesus lets enjoy this pizza!" He asked me what I meant, I said: "All living things are One and the Same. The salmon offers us himself as our meal, at another time he'll be tripping and we're his pizza topping and I'm at total peace with that."
I watched the clock. CRAP! 15 minutes left till his GF came! I offered: "we can put on the lights and practice our sobriety skills or keep the lights out and let her in a dark house with us Holing on." Lights on it was.
I looked at my friend in the light. His eyes were spread open as far as can be in an expression of shocked awe. "Are you OK?" "I dont know, I guess but.. I descended into Hell, into my own Purgatory and was consumed there. I need fresh air". We went in the garden and he held on to the wall, completely overwhelmed, trying to catch his bearings. "Oooohh.." he went several times rubbing his face, and we went inside again in case his oooh should become a nocturnal AAAAAARGHHH
"How are you feeling?" "I cant say, overwhelmed" "Is there music in your head?" "Yes." "Venom?" (satanic metal) "No, Neal Morse." (Christian Prog Rock) My intuition told me things were ok but that he could do with a supplement. I went and returned with two tabs of Haldol in my hand. "One mg or two, have some, its on the house!" He looked at me. "Does my condition concern you medically?" I reassured him. "Not at all, you show no signs of psychosis, you are just WAY overbombed and this may help you make sense of things. It won't tuck under the process if its important, trust me." He took a mg of Haldol and nibbled some on his pizza.
My doorbell went off. His GF "Don't worry, I'm sober enough to handle her. Are you OK with it?" He was.
I briefed her at the door and she entered.She found her hubbie there, eyes wide, totally overwhelmed and inbetween sentences.
We chatted some and at once the boil burst. He slapped his hands to his face and started crying, harder and harder. For some strange reason his crying sounded almost like his laughter. He got on his knees on my livingroom, bent over the couch seat, forearms arms, fingers entangled in oldfashioned Christian prayer pose.
(..)
Out came the full extent of a psychological crisis he had been repressing for many months, the details of which being too personal to share. It involved a discrepancy between how he feels his life should be and what he makes from it, and feeling alienated from Jesus because of it.
His GF and I tagteamed on helping him get through it, she having had psychological training professionally helped a lot.
He asked near the end of it, for my assessment before going home. I told him almost casually: "You do not appear to be in an anxiety spiral and you show no signs of a psychotic break, this is merely a psychological crisis which you are handling quite well. You need to sleep for as long as you need tonight, no alarm clock, but right now you're good to go for transport. Please dont slap me or anything but after you're gone I'm going to boost and enter the Hole again." "He said: "Are you sure? You do NOT want a thing like I had happen to you alone." "It won't. You're talking to the Prince of the Kingdom of Sand!" (The realm I often go when Holing) and this worked for both of us.
We said goodbye in a powerful hug and parted ways.
I took 2 more 30mg increments which had me hole out exquisitely, but its a long post already and this is not important right now.
The other day he returned to get his car and we spent part of an afternoon debriefing. I chuckled: Wow you went Supersaiyan on us there, good to see you do that like you did, the Gangnam elevator of spirituality opened wide for you!" He agreed. I joked to my friend who of shrooms always takes the high dose: "Who's the hardhead now bitch?!" he laughed and said he had a reputation to uphold next time we dosed. Jokingly of course, we're about as macho as a head of lettuce. After he left I still felt partly inebriated so almost matter-of-factly I did my groceries and when home knocked back 40mg before eating dinner.
This 40mg with me still in residual effect resulted in me ending up in a shallow hole. I had almost casually dosed and I felt like I was holing like an alcoholic drinks, not for any reason in particular, just cause its there. Two 30mg doses came and went and I started working on my issues, but still in an aloof detached state. A fourth 30mg came and this was the one.
As I came up I complained and stated "This Hole is about as compelling as bad dubstep. Medic!" The hole deepened and I felt a presence. "You called Asante?" (insert real first name instead of Asante) a line of thought formulated and something was placed on my head. The "thing" attached to my skull and started te send probes in it to my brain. "Don't worry Asante, we have the best equipment. It's alive, its a life form well adept at fixing you up." I was completely cool with it and let the trilobite shaped medical lifeform probe my brain, I felt the probes and what not, occasionally I was told "OK, you'll feel this one." and something was done that I felt in my head. The creature detached and was taken off my head. "We usually do this subconsciously but it was needed for the moment to do it with you aware of things." "Umm are you symbolic?" "Not completely or this would be futile." "Oh by the way, who are you anyways?" "You know that answer, thats why you are so assured. There can only be one answer: We are You. OK, You're good to go. We'll pop in every now and then in future Holes for maintenance. Carry on, we're done here, you're all fixed up."
And so I did. I holed intensely and suddenly got caught up in a dialogue with a line of thought that spoke in a soothing, slow, enticing voice. It begant to tell me about the nature of all things, and as he told I began experiencing it. "All is One, and One is God. And God is Youuu." "Ego inflation?" "No. All things alive and anorganic are all One, and they are each the central point of the entire Universe, which is God, which is Youuu. Every point is the very center. All is One, One is Youuu." I began to feel it and soared higher and higher. "Who are you?" "The only answer that can be, I am Youuu." "Why are you telling me this?" "It is time for you to know. Time for your mind to be blown. Its equisite to blow your mind over and over and over again through Eternity. This is the path you chose and that is how it will be, for there is nothing but Youuu. All is One. Thou Art That. Every single thing is the center piece of everything. Every single thing is completely special."
"But I'm Asante, this being." "Asante, you ARE Being. Being is all there is. Duality is Illusion." "If all things are One, and Duality is an illusion, is Duality an absence of Being or a weakening of it?" "Being is all there is and Duality is a guise it comes in. When a Particle appears in the quantum field an antiparticle emerges, you remember?" "I do." "Every thing, every thought, every desire has its antiparticle, its exact opposite. Every Yang has its Yin. They will move together, merge and Oneness is restored. It is the nature of all things, thoughts and desires. All that Duality split apart merges into One."
"What of my Death?" "Life and Death are Duality, they are illusion. The weak force. By birth, Asante and Anti Asante split in two. In death, they will meet. It is not a Demon waiting for you. That what was split shall be made whole into One. Every thought, every hope and desire shall be quenched into completeness so that it will cease to exist as Duality. The Duality that is You will be quences until it ceases to exist. What was apart shall be One. All is One, and that One are Youuu."
"So I need not fear Death?" "Your fear of Death shall be quenced and fulfilled by an equal and opposite peace of Death, and what was apart shall be One again. You are not anilhilated but merged into completeness and fulfillment. For some lives it happens subconsciously, for others consciously, it depends on the nature of your Duality. All that is you and all that is, is that One."
"What of the Devil, Good and Evil?" "All of it is duality and it is illusion. A God of Good and a Devil of Evil merge into the One. Good and Evil merge into One that is both in equal measure."
"Is Love the essence of All?" "Being is the essence of all. For love to exist it must Be. Love has an antiforce, hate. It is duality. All there truly is is One, and One is Being.
I was gobsmacked!
"Is this Enlightenment?" "Asante, at this point in time, you are by some definition Enlightened. But soon it will fade, as is the nature of things, and it will be fine that way. I will get to remind you, forever and all Eternity. I am Youuu. All that there is is Youuu, the One that is All Things and the All Things that are One. Being."
"So there is no reason to fear?" "There is reason to fear, because it is part of the Duality. But all fear shall be quenced and merged with its complete opposite until it ceases to exist as a Duality."
I saw the whole picture. I swear, at that point in time I did.
"Asante, I'm going to leave the Hole open for as long as you need it, so that there will be no reason to boost. But you are free to take a booster dose. What you decide is Right."
"You mean, I am predestined to do the Right thing?"
"Asante, there is only Youuu. In Duality, both sides are One, the Being. Both sides are equally Right." "But do I get to choose or am I predestined?" "You are the Being, and a part of Duality that creates some Duality out of the One. You are free to chose and you create what you chose, but what you create is Duality, both sides are right and both will be merged again into One. I will leave the Hole open for as long as you need it. Choose as you wish. I will remain in the background, in case you have more questions to ask, but as questions are Duality, the answer to most of them will be the exact same thing."
"I wanted answers and instead you gave me Everything."
"The One cannot be fully known by the Duality, therefore you in your Dual state will never have absolute certainty that this is true. I have given you Everything and I have given you Nothing, so there is no need to thank me. Asante, I wish you well; until we split again."
I holed on, and occasionally asked questions that were answered. I took a bit of my best friends homegrown weed, smoked it and went to bed.
In bed I had the most beautiful, most colorful and crystal clear visuals of my entire 19 years of tripping. After hours I drifted off to sleep.
I awoke this morning 12 hours after my last dose I closed my eyes. I saw a grid of hexagons that turned into bubbles. A peaceful reggae song welcomed me. I realized I was still in the hole, just mitigated. This caused no alarm, I realized I mustve still needed it.
Blissfully I make brekkie and started writing this report. While writing my Windows ceased shut and my computer froze. I went for a morning walk and decided en route I had shared too much of my best friend's journey, and that if given the chance I would take out the more personal parts of his journey.
I really should turn my computer off when I hole, I have a history of computers seizing up or even breaking down for good on the morning after particularly deep Holes. If I was superstitious enough to fully entertain the thought I'd say Deep Holing screws with the equipment just like my friends Android phone did with my scales
I returned to a still frozen computer and pressed CTRL C, then turned it off with the power switch. I booted twice to get it going again, then opened OpenOffice and pressed CTRL V. Nothing happened, but I returned to the website and the cookie had saved my post. I corrected my privacy mistake, continued writing in OpenOffice and then posted it to my beloved forum.
So, here it is.
Its been 16 hours since my last dose and while I still feel residual effects from 300mg in 2 days, I also feel I'm still faintly in the Hole. It for sure helped me write this. I'm not bothered at all by it, its a blessing. When I'm done with it it will close, like promised.
Thank you for reading this huge post, and to the TL;DR people I will say: In your own time, it will all come to you.
God bless you all.
Love and Light.