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Recovery The 2024 Recovery Thread

lecroute said:
For short periods in my life I wanted to be normal, too. Have up on that. Now I'm embracing who I am.

Take things with calm, it makes it easier. And never forget to see the beauty in many things, and the funny side in others.
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really Normal ???

got 2 go Fa now.
 
Freezing, scatterbrained, weak (couldn't even open a soda without putting an effort)
Think I'm getting a cold.
Guy who said he would build something for me never messaged back and isn't receiving messages at the moment.
People working too slow, making me wait and get stuck in MY work so I spend a whole day doing nothing but thinking about stuff that's no drama, really but seems a big deal when you have nothing else to occupy your mind with.
Like thinking about getting a cold.
 
I just had one of those scary deja vu's and it is freaking me out.

. . . like a time travel or something.

It was like this already happened before and now I am back again. It's so real this time.

Oh well. It happens it happens. Pun intended.
 
kiely said:
I just had one of those scary deja vu's and it is freaking me out.

. . . like a time travel or something.

It was like this already happened before and now I am back again. It's so real this time.

Oh well. It happens it happens. Pun intended.
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Yea I was having Deja vu all weekend too … during the crazy solar storm weekend
*yea it really does feel like time travel kind of doesn’t it
 
in beginning of the year i quit using amphetamine, then also the benzos for a while (actually just because i ran out of my stuff and haven't yet found ways to get it in another country i moved to). but now i find myself using tons of amphetamine, benzos and also kratom every fucking day, having horrible tolerance

today is a weekday, don't have to work so there's less excuse to use amphetamine, did it only a little, but craving it right now again. feels like i can't live a single fucking day without speed.

i came to using kratom every day for about several weeks, then quit and used it only occasionaly, but this week i used it each day. drinking it right now

even though life cirsumstances are much better now than in the past (hell i don't even know how i was able to survive in the past), it's not getting much easier

my BPD shit, anxiety, OCD and procrastination keep hitting randomly. and to cope with these, and stress and workload and living daily life, i need drugs, that's my excuse. that i NEED them, or my life will break apart. i need to use because otherwise it'll be worse, to get work done or i'll be fired from job, to appear positive and avoid emotional breakdowns and anxiety or i'll upset the person i love and my relationships will be lost. i need speed to wake up and work, need benzos to sleep

some small random thing upsets me, like feeling not being good enough or other person doing something that my BPD dislikes? alright now i can't focus on anything except suffering or procrastination and will skip night's sleep, unless i use.. or even if i use.

life feels like a constant crisis

it's crazy how much money i'm spending on this shit (1g of speed is >100$), how i'm risking my life and still magically avoiding being caught by law (i'm not in US btw, any drugs=prison here), how i ended up consuming tons and relying on so many substances just to cope with living, and how stupid it all is
 
Hey everyone I am doing reall well! I’m almost 3yrs clean now from my doc heroin and crystal meth! I honestly didn’t think I would make it. After my 3rd relapse in 2022 it finally woke me up. I spent nearly a month in hospital due to three very serious potentially fatal infections in my spine. I had a pic line placed for hefty antibiotics for 8wks. I was not allowed to go home with a picc line due to my drug history so I was transferred to a literal nursing home for the next 2 months. That really sucked. They said because of my drug history that I was too high risk to send home with a picc line. They legally had to keep me in a care setting. Insurance only covered so many days in a hospital but covered long term care in a nursing home.
I hated it, I was literally the youngest patient there. I was on there physical rehab floor. I played LOTS of BINGO lol! However my time there gave me a HUGE wake up call because if I kept using I very well could end up a permanent resident and I most certainly DID NOT want to live there permantly! When I got home I found out someone I use to use with was found dead in a park bathroom from an OD! I’ve lost a lot of my teeth which really sucks and I have permanent scars all over both of my upper arms where I kept injecting heroin.
I also made the decision to get off my opioid pain meds,that was really tough decision to make but I know myself and know I’d misuse them. I do indulge in snorting coke occasionally but not often enough for it to become an issue. I have slowly started to rebuild my life and have an amazing partner now. Thank s for reading!
 
Prettyboy12 said:
Hey everyone I am doing reall well! I’m almost 3yrs clean now from my doc heroin and crystal meth! I honestly didn’t think I would make it. After my 3rd relapse in 2022 it finally woke me up. I spent nearly a month in hospital due to three very serious potentially fatal infections in my spine. I had a pic line placed for hefty antibiotics for 8wks. I was not allowed to go home with a picc line due to my drug history so I was transferred to a literal nursing home for the next 2 months. That really sucked. They said because of my drug history that I was too high risk to send home with a picc line. They legally had to keep me in a care setting. Insurance only covered so many days in a hospital but covered long term care in a nursing home.
I hated it, I was literally the youngest patient there. I was on there physical rehab floor. I played LOTS of BINGO lol! However my time there gave me a HUGE wake up call because if I kept using I very well could end up a permanent resident and I most certainly DID NOT want to live there permantly! When I got home I found out someone I use to use with was found dead in a park bathroom from an OD! I’ve lost a lot of my teeth which really sucks and I have permanent scars all over both of my upper arms where I kept injecting heroin.
I also made the decision to get off my opioid pain meds,that was really tough decision to make but I know myself and know I’d misuse them. I do indulge in snorting coke occasionally but not often enough for it to become an issue. I have slowly started to rebuild my life and have an amazing partner now. Thank s for reading!
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Wow that’s great, thanks for sharing
Many blessings to you 💜
 
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