ChapelPerilous
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2012
- Messages
- 4
Greetings, bluelighters!
I've been a pretty chronic bake head for over ten years now, which obviously means smoking is an important part of my life. For me, it lifts the veil, allowing deep insight into both personal matters and universal philosophical concerns. Perhaps these insights aren't any greater than those I have sober, but any extra perspective at least casts doubt over the validity of sober conclusions and at best allows a far richer and more dynamic understanding of things. It's also given me a wonderful appreciation of music and art in general, and has been endless fun socially with my friends.
Five years ago I happened to be in California the same time as 4/20. I ended up having a few too many edibles after smoking a fairly ludicrous amount of very high quality green (never a good idea to forget to remember how many edibles one has had
)and after an hour or so of the most incredible high imaginable, all experienced wandering through a misty redwood forest, I started to have an enormous panic attack. I'd never had one before, and I'd never had anything but positive experiences from a very heavy five year drug taking spree including countless psychedelics. I got stuck on a terrifying paranoid loop for what seemed like forever, with this spinning sensation coming up in circles from my feet up to my head and then circling down again.
Since this experience I've been completely unable to deal with edibles - they instantly trigger a panic attack - and for a while I couldn't smoke either. One day I sat down with my bong and decided I was going to observe every step of the transition from smoking to paranoia, and by doing that I managed to work through it all and eventually released myself from the imprints I made in California. (Edibles are still a no-no, I tried a couple of times to do a similar thing but they're just too strong and I have to resort to aborting the attempts with benzos.)
A few years on from all that and the problem I've been facing for a while is this. I can smoke, and am usually without paranoia and I generally enjoy myself, but I often experience a big reduction in my ability to function and am unable even to read. This didn't use to be the case, and I find it very frustrating. I also start to experience withdrawal after only 30 minutes and I need to smoke more. My main concern, however, is the next day: I feel irritable, fly off into rages really quickly, and feel like energy is draining from my body and I can feel it draining out down my arms and legs and congealing in my fingers and toes before dissipating quite uncomfortably. I have researched this feeling - like nothing has meaning and all my life force is being sucked out of me, usually with a headache and feelings of vertigo and like I'm not really 'here' and a total inability to function, stuttering and stammering every time I try to talk to anyone and being unable to understand simple things - and found nothing about it anywhere on the internet.
I always thought cannabis was supposed to be the safe one, but it messes me up considerably these days. I tried piracetam for a while and that helped a bit but then I got major crashes from the piracetam too which just added to the suffering I was already experiencing. The only time I completely nullified the next day troubles and found an ability to function while stoned again and just enjoy the high was when I was on SSRIs.
So my question is this. Has anyone else experienced what I always do the day after smoking, and has anyone got any ideas about why SSRIs eradicated all of these problems? Is it all anxiety/depression based, or could there be something else to it? I should also add that over the last few years my acid trips have been frequently plagued by paranoia whereas before the aforementioned 4/20 day I could take 7 hits and keep my cool, and MDMA just gives me headaches and memory loss and makes me want to sit in a corner by myself. I obviously get that drugs have probably run their course for me, but I'd like to know what exactly it is that has happened.
Thanks, sorry this was a long post!
Note: I abstained for about six months recently and felt back to normal, with my usual anxiety and depression issues which I manage with meditation, qigong and exercise. I felt very much alive and kicking and had a real zest for life most days, so before anyone says this is a medical emergency and I'm in serious danger please know that I am not, and anyone who just says that will not be helping me in any way. I'm only looking for people who have experienced something similar to me who may understand it better and be able to offer some advice. Thank you.
I've been a pretty chronic bake head for over ten years now, which obviously means smoking is an important part of my life. For me, it lifts the veil, allowing deep insight into both personal matters and universal philosophical concerns. Perhaps these insights aren't any greater than those I have sober, but any extra perspective at least casts doubt over the validity of sober conclusions and at best allows a far richer and more dynamic understanding of things. It's also given me a wonderful appreciation of music and art in general, and has been endless fun socially with my friends.
Five years ago I happened to be in California the same time as 4/20. I ended up having a few too many edibles after smoking a fairly ludicrous amount of very high quality green (never a good idea to forget to remember how many edibles one has had
)and after an hour or so of the most incredible high imaginable, all experienced wandering through a misty redwood forest, I started to have an enormous panic attack. I'd never had one before, and I'd never had anything but positive experiences from a very heavy five year drug taking spree including countless psychedelics. I got stuck on a terrifying paranoid loop for what seemed like forever, with this spinning sensation coming up in circles from my feet up to my head and then circling down again.Since this experience I've been completely unable to deal with edibles - they instantly trigger a panic attack - and for a while I couldn't smoke either. One day I sat down with my bong and decided I was going to observe every step of the transition from smoking to paranoia, and by doing that I managed to work through it all and eventually released myself from the imprints I made in California. (Edibles are still a no-no, I tried a couple of times to do a similar thing but they're just too strong and I have to resort to aborting the attempts with benzos.)
A few years on from all that and the problem I've been facing for a while is this. I can smoke, and am usually without paranoia and I generally enjoy myself, but I often experience a big reduction in my ability to function and am unable even to read. This didn't use to be the case, and I find it very frustrating. I also start to experience withdrawal after only 30 minutes and I need to smoke more. My main concern, however, is the next day: I feel irritable, fly off into rages really quickly, and feel like energy is draining from my body and I can feel it draining out down my arms and legs and congealing in my fingers and toes before dissipating quite uncomfortably. I have researched this feeling - like nothing has meaning and all my life force is being sucked out of me, usually with a headache and feelings of vertigo and like I'm not really 'here' and a total inability to function, stuttering and stammering every time I try to talk to anyone and being unable to understand simple things - and found nothing about it anywhere on the internet.
I always thought cannabis was supposed to be the safe one, but it messes me up considerably these days. I tried piracetam for a while and that helped a bit but then I got major crashes from the piracetam too which just added to the suffering I was already experiencing. The only time I completely nullified the next day troubles and found an ability to function while stoned again and just enjoy the high was when I was on SSRIs.
So my question is this. Has anyone else experienced what I always do the day after smoking, and has anyone got any ideas about why SSRIs eradicated all of these problems? Is it all anxiety/depression based, or could there be something else to it? I should also add that over the last few years my acid trips have been frequently plagued by paranoia whereas before the aforementioned 4/20 day I could take 7 hits and keep my cool, and MDMA just gives me headaches and memory loss and makes me want to sit in a corner by myself. I obviously get that drugs have probably run their course for me, but I'd like to know what exactly it is that has happened.
Thanks, sorry this was a long post!
Note: I abstained for about six months recently and felt back to normal, with my usual anxiety and depression issues which I manage with meditation, qigong and exercise. I felt very much alive and kicking and had a real zest for life most days, so before anyone says this is a medical emergency and I'm in serious danger please know that I am not, and anyone who just says that will not be helping me in any way. I'm only looking for people who have experienced something similar to me who may understand it better and be able to offer some advice. Thank you.
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