Hi,
Thanks for responding. Yes, I did post before, but felt pretty jumped on. If you recall back to what was said, perhaps you might understand that?
I’ve known addicts in the past (and I’m not saying I’m not as I know I’ve developed some pretty high dependence at this point), and I feel like most of the people here give off a drug counselor vibe. A close relative of mine went through treatment and it just reminds me so much of his addiction counselor who was a no bullshit, no excuses, don’t want to hear it, too bad so sad kind of guy. Just not what I’m used to from the world I come from and I very much acknowledge my privilege. I’ve never wound up in “trouble” and so I’ve never had anyone come down hard on me for something like this.
I do have a script that will be ready in a little less than a week. After a super complicated surgery, I had to taper down very fast. I was medicated on really high doses (120mg a day) for almost a month and then they just dropped my script back to what I was pre-surgery. I couldn’t make that jump, but foolishly never talked to anyone about it (in retrospect that was really dumb and a really prideful thing to do). I just kept telling myself I’d keep making giant cuts week by week despite still having ongoing complications and exacerbated pain.
I don’t use opiates to lie back and catch some r&r. I use it so I can enjoy my life more by doing 100 demands in a day as opposed to 10. It has given me the ability to live a fairly normal life.
I’ve had these pills for a few days and I’m scared out of my mind to take anything. I know you’d say I should be. I’ve science experimented the shit out of them, but at a certain point, I need to make a decision as to whether it’s worth the risk or whether I need to dispose of the substance. I’ve read a lot of literature on fent and one thing that gives me the greatest pause is how quickly it may get processed by the body requiring redosing. If that’s the case, it a) may not do that much for my pain condition, and b) would send my tolerance through the roof if I kept redosing. It also makes me nervous that true hospitals and clinics don’t use oral fent so there’s no good way to ascertain what kind of dose I’d be taking without having the benefit of conversion charts, etc.
Ideally, I’d want to wind up just below my current OC dose. I’d have absolutely no way to guarantee that I wouldn’t be knocked out (even if not lethal) by the first experimental dose and no good way to know what constitutes small enough increments of redosing to try to build up to a good amount.
This ended up being so much longer than I had intended so if you stuck with me, thank you. I really DO appreciate any help or insight that anyone is willing to offer, and would appreciate additional patience with me as I’m new and learning the culture. I know it’s a lot to ask, but receiving the benefit of the doubt would be amazing. I’m a super straight shooter.
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