suicide - the only escape?

[I.V.User]

hmmm....

Sounds like you need to stop using substances for escape and get back to reality for a while. If you seriously don't think there will be anything to look forward to you need a good beating. Nothings better than physical pain to reming you how good life is. Anyhow, that's the addiction telling you that, and it would be the addiction which makes you so down. So get over your self-indulgent whinging and straighten yourself out.
Kittyinthedark is a prime example of how this can be achieved with great success.
As for the psychedelic therapy you wont find a greater champion for the use and benefits of psychedelics than myself, but I could not ever condone using them as a form of mental therapy in troubled times.

Except maybe DMT.....
...maybe.

 

[essex boy]

^hmmm... has that been tried on you ? a good beating ?

have you heard of the saying "walking a mile in someone elses shoes" ?

sure everyone hates a whiner. i dont think that is the case here, the poster is reaching out, wanting to go on.

give them a break.

or better still, give yourself a break. from your own self righteous b.s.

 

[*=Regulator=*]

I guarantee you, that if you smoke less weed and before you take your benzos do a good hour or so of high intensity exercise, your life will improve.

As for the weed increasing your anxiety, yes, sometimes for no apparent reason this will happen. I used to smoke 3 times a day to relax but now even smelling weed makes my heart thump. It's happened to others I know as well. If a drug stops being enjoyable, then as hard as it may be, cut back on your use. It took me a long time to admit to myself that I had to stop smoking all the time because I was in love with the culture and it became a part of who I was. Admitting that I had to stop was in effect, killing off a part of my life. However, all I was doing was killing off a part of my life that made me feel like shit, which I realised after the 'fog' lifted.

It's easy to get into a vicious circle where you think that you have to take drugs to feel better when it's the drugs themselves that are making you feel like shit. I've learnt this the hard way and have several serious addictions (benzos included) that I now have to deal with. I'm not sure what your daily benzo intake is but if it is low enough that you can taper or kick, do so for at least a few weeks, stop smoking weed for the same period and exercise every day, then see how you feel. If you don't feel 10 times better I'll cease to dish out advice . If you can't stop taking the drugs, go to rehab or addiction counselling. Just trust me on the exercise thing. The 'runner's high' is no myth.

 

[knight_marshall]

everyone seems to be ignoring the most obvious point... if you die, you won't be set free... you won't be anything. rather than experiencing relief, you will cease to experience. if you believe that at the end of life consciousness is gone, death can only be a waste of possibility. if you believe in an organised religion, chances are 9/10 that you believe killing yourself is wrong.

the important thing is, you haven't thought through exactly what you want... you are not going insane... you are insane. it's ok, we all are. we wan't an end to global warming and tv's, cars, air-conditioning. we wan't world peace, and to be the best in the world. we want and easy, rewarding life. the trick is to not hate yourself for what you are doing, but aknowledge that each action effects your future, and start directing those actions. drugs can be as good as they can bad, and so can friends.

at this point in your life, there is four times the opportunities that you've missed left, you've not a single girl you've ruined everything with, and you have learnt a few of the important lessons of drug use. goddamn man, i'm 24 and only just realised i've got that far! (i'm so gonna live to 125)

i guess what i really want to say is... don't stress out or you're gonna be so absorbed in yourself that the world will walk right by you, and five years from now nothing will have changed.

 

[CrazyDiamond0107]

I really appreciate everyone's replies. it really helps to know there are people out there who understand, and who sympathize with me.

I'm day 3 without benzos, I can't even listen to music as the headaches get too intense. I'm just sitting here reading these forums. I smoked some green yesterday and found it just made me more stressed. This is probably just my withdrawals from my pills though.

 

[stellablue]

I have found that weed does make me more stressed when I was withdrawling from benzo's. I wished I could tell you that this is going to get easier, but I am afraid that would be a lie. I really think going off benzo's cold turkey isn't a good idea at all. I think weaning is a way better solution. Just MO.

 

[SteeleyJ]

Psychedellics are not a good choice.....taking strong psychedellic drugs when you are suicidal is imo dangerous . Theres a good chance the trip will be horrible....or you might decide on a whim to go out and do what you're thinking about.

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I suggest councelling....and if marijuana makes you happy then go ahead. Remember though marijuana has the possibility of making people depressed when they aren't high.

And yes taper off the benzos......cold turkey will be horrible in your current mindstate.

 

[wesmdow]

fuck man, you know what your problem is!!!!

DUDE GET OFF THE FUCKING BENZOS!!!!

i didnt read the whole thread, and i hope a lot of other people tell you the same!

ive been addicted twice, each time it was exactly like you described it. i have horrbile anxiety and i can best speak my mind on benzos.

ativan is my favorite, theraputically.

the withdrawals are beyond hellish, and the rebound anxiety is much worse than it was before you started.

you WILL go back to normal, but the longer you stay in your benzo hole, the deeper it gets and the harder it gets to come out.

get a job.

 

[CrazyDiamond0107]

Here's my scheduele:

For 3 days I take 2mg ativan a day

then I take a two day break

Been on this regiment for about half a year.

Is this high dosage? How long will my withdrawals last?

 

[stellablue]

^

DUDE GET OFF THE FUCKING BENZOS!!!!

LOL!

I think in a distance you should see to gets off the benzo's, but I am not going to advise going off them cold turkey. That is a mistake if you are already feeling suicidal. I am by no means an expert, but since my father committed suicide when I was 15 (a month to the day of my sweet sixteen.). I know that it is a VERY serious thought. Even if it is a thought you need to try and evaluate where you are and why. Try to get as much outside support as possible. I also think that you need to soul search and think on the good things and what other good things make you smile. Even if the only thing you smile at is a sunset or a bird singing. Go find a sun set or commence to bird watching. Do what you need to do to love something inside your self. Find the beauty in life then you will began to love yourself. It is a slow process, but can be as rewarding as life. Loving it is the key for me. When I am miserable with me or my life for whatever reason I just love the simply things. Sometimes making life more simply you can try and mask the circumstances until you can handle them. I definitely think stopping your benzo's will be the way to go. I honestly think you need to respect the fact that you shouldn't put yourself in a situation that you can't get out of. That might be a depression that would be deadly in itself mentally. (at least when I was detoxing.) So find some strength and take it thing by thing. Simplify it and try to love again without being high. Do you understand what I am saying? Damn, I know it is a hard thing to imagine, not being on benzo's. I couldn't imagine it either until I was 6 months clean. Starting to feel again is so beautiful. You can even sense when your happy without taking a pill. I promise.

 

[staypuft]

Here's my scheduele:

For 3 days I take 2mg ativan a day

then I take a two day break

Been on this regiment for about half a year.

Is this high dosage? How long will my withdrawals last?

you'll be fine if you stop cold turkey

you might get heavier anxiety and some insomnia for a couple of days, but nothing too serious

 

[Neurotix]

You're useless. What the hell are you talking about? Benzodiazepine habituation has caused you to want to kill yourself? I've withdrawn several times throughout my life and I can say that, although it's without any... single... doubt, the most absolutely soul destroying experience I've ever gone through, I'm still alive.

Guess what?

Life's tough, kid, and I know you're annoyed because you've never had a girlfriend, and I know that your psychiatrist or best 'friend' don't "understand", and here's a tip: if they're talking shit about you, guess what? Find some confidence and eat it. Then leave them and find some other people to make friends with.

Weed causes paranoia and anxiety you idiot, so why're you smoking it if you're feeling paranoid and anxious constantly? Mm? Fucking hell...

Lay off the weed.

Stay on the 'libido reducing' drugs, even though you don't need a libido to survive, unless you have a girlfriend, which you don't. But that's fucking fine because you've got the rest of your bloody LIFE to find someone to fuck.

Don't talk about suicide. Only when you've tasted true hell will you find something. It's called the will to live. I found that during a hellish benzodiazepine withdrawal where I could've died, it being cold turkey an' all.

Stop your moaning and improve your life. If you want personal development then send KERRIGAN a PM regarding literature and websites that'll help you get things done and also get laid.

Benzodiazepine withdrawal is worse than death. Suicide isn't easy, I'm not saying it's simply to run that blade right across your own throat and choke to death on your blood. I'm saying that it's pointless; you're alive, so live. You can die when you're ready (THAT'S USUALLY IN THE FUTURE) and carry on for now.

-Neurotix

Take care you crazy kids! %)

Oh, and lovely cliché with "cruel world". Heh... get a life, more benzo's, and the ability to motivate and focus your own energies on more positive things other than suicide. It's really rather simple.

 

[staypuft]

^^^dude...relax...

 

[yummy22]

Being an asshole isn't going to help him neurotix.

STFU

 

[stellablue]

Lets stay on topic please.....


lets try and be more sensitive to everyone's feelings, and more mindful of peoples needs.

 

[Neurotix]

yummy22: Posts such as

STFU

aren't going to help him.

And I speak from the heart and say whatever I think the person should hear. It seems to me as though you're all gathering around this guy as though he's some kind of basket case. He's not; he's just some guy with drug issues, social issues and is toying with the idea of suicide.

S'got no will t'live y'know wha'm sayin'?

If I were actin' like that I'd expect one o' me mates to knock me into me senses... aye I'm a drug addict, aye life's tough and all, but why commit suicide because you're a lil' bit paranoid an' yer psychiatrist won't give you benzo's?

Benzo' withdrawal is how it is, alright? Y'gotta take it y'know? I think it's kinda like how ye've had it too easy for so long y'gotta suffer for a bit an' it keeps everythin' all balanced. Mebbe I'm wrong, who cares?

I jus' post what I think an' I'm not gonna pander around someone 'cause they mention suicide: I'm gonna give 'em exactly what I'm thinkin' and they're gonna read it an' hopefully understand what the fuck they're doin'.

Oh an' Stella Blue are y' single or what?

 

[stellablue]

Oh an' Stella Blue are y' single or what?

LOL!!!!
I am engaged and running off with a BLer named Kerrigan, but you are sweet.

As for you CrazyDiamond0107, please give us an update on how your feeling. Was kinda worried about you. Would love to hear from you here in this thread or via PM.

 

[cupcakez]

You ok? good job at trying to get off the benzo's. I understand the wanting to die, and can't offer any advice other than take one day at a time, and try to hang in there.

and please dont do acid/shrooms. they may fix some things, but it could be disasterous as well. Ive gotten suicidal the last few times and it was very unpleasant (and im never doing them again).

 

[CrazyDiamond0107]

Just hanging in there, I plan to finish up this last bag of green and then quit for awhile. As for benzos, I'm thinking maybe I can get to 1 pill every other day. For the ciggs, I don't know what I want to do.

Tomorrow I'm seeing my psychiatrist, and I'm going to ask him to prescribe me Paxil, as its helped my mother alot with her social anxiety disorder. I'm hoping maybe it can help me too!

I don't know if I should tell him about my benzo problem though. Would he cancel my prescription? That wouldn't help anything.

 

[acidapples]

hang in there! i think everyone's had these feelings, but we're all still here because secretly not many are actually done living. i would definitely say get off benzos/weed and don't do any psychedellics until you're stable! i know one thing that has helped me is finding a new social circle/academic interest/sport/etc, all of which are great distractions. hearts!