suddenly asexual girlfriend?

[park]

Heres the backstory first,
I'm 21 and she is 20 right now.

I met my girlfriend online in late 2012. It was long distance. San Diego to LA.
She is extremely insecure and needy, it got to the point where I broke up with her on our 1 year anniversary. I never told her why I left. I just said you deserve better. She ended up going on tumblr 5 or 6 months after we broke up trying to get my attention, ended up posting nude pics, claiming to have sex, be a nymph, etc. (After I uploaded a picture of me and this girl I ended up dating just a simple picture) (also this girl I was dating, was absolutely amazing, we were compatible with everything all my friends liked her, she was the best to put it in simple terms) my ex ( V) ended up tagging her stuff making it so I could see. And saying she still loves me. I do love her. And it hurt me to see that. We talked about us. I ended up breaking up with that amazing girl.
We ended up getting back together with V (it bothered me for a little while her claiming to be having sex, she told me it was all lies.) I did my best to tell myself we werent together at the time it shouldn't matter. And it shouldn't right?
I told my parents who I was still living with at the time about what V was claiming to do. They told me not to talk to V, its for the best if you don't.

I ended up moving to LA. Transfering my job, leaving. Things were going great. Healthy sex life. Doing things together, etc.

I went to a concert with my cousin in 2014 and saw this girl who I know liked me (who I dont like at all) who V hated. The girl asked me for a picture cos we used to be friends. I agreed to take the picture with her. I didn't tell V what had happened, a mistake I know. The girl I took the picture with emailed me the picture. I left it on my email. One day V is on my phone and sees it and says I'm cheating on her. And bam we break up. I gave up after a few weeks of trying to get V back. I'm thinking to myself I moved up here, left everything behind for this girl. And she dumped me. I told V I'm giving up. And she starts to talk to me. We get back together. But she does not believe that I only took a picture with this girl. That girl liked the same music, the style I liked that, Ill admitnto that but I didn't like it. V wouldn't have it, she thinks I had sex with that girl that she is my dream girl, when in all actuality shes not. I love V, so its just stupid in my opinion that she would think that, but I can see why she thinks that.

Now after that incident this is a year later.
We start to have sex less. We only have sex at my house, where we have privacy, since she lives with her parents. I work full time and she does not drive. So I only see her twice a week on my days off. And we would go to my house and have sex. It got to a point where she said is that all we are going to do is have sex at your house. I see her less and I want to have sex, im a guy. I told her I was sorry. She doesn't want to be treated only as a piece of meat.
We go out, I'm the only one who pays for things. She doesn't ever help with gas or stuff. And I'm fine with that because we were having sex and I make twice as much as her.

We start arguing more, and the arguements last longer. I feel like she doesn't care about me anymore, and she says its all about me. How can I claim she doesnt care for me when she got back with me after everything.
I love this girl, she makes me happy when we go out and do stuff together. It just feels like home.
So I don't say anything in response to her saying that.
I know that its because we aren't having sex as often. Shes always on her social media. She cant put her phone down. I feel as if she cares more about that. She adds almost everyone who adds her on facebook. While I have less than 100 people on it.

To start to sum it up.
We fight and it lasts a week and we don't talk during it. When we talk again, she claims she doesnt want sex because she figured out shes asexual. We go 3 months of bickering and arguing. I do my best to lessen the severity of it. We finally have sex, she orgasms after about 15mins and I still have not. A minute or so passes and she says she doesnt feel good and shes sorry. So we stop.
Its june 2015, we've had sex 3 times this year. I have not came from any of those times we had sex. She has, then she felt sick she says.
We joke around and play wrestle. And I make sexual jokes. And she makes sure to throw the fact that shes asexual in it. And it seems that she makes it a known fact that she is. Even on facebook. It makes me sad because we went from having sex, to her not wanting to.
May 29th was the last time we had sex. It was okay, even though I did not cum. I feel closer to her, more of a connection.

It has gotten to the point where I am starting to feel ashamed of myself for wanting to have sex. Because she makes it known she doesn't want to.
She told me that she was horny a week or so ago and has been for a few days. The next day I saw her and she did not want to engage in anything sexual. I constantly let her know Iove her, shes special to me, I randomly buy her gifts. I never get anything in return, ever and Im used to it.

I told her maybe we should just not have sex and she got upset because she said asexual means she hardly has sex drive and not that she doesn't want it. But I am at the point where I feel ashamed for thinking of her in a sexual way. Or to even masturbate. Because of the way she is and how she constantly tells me.

To make things worse
I also have no friends since I moved, or have my family to talk to or be around.

An I wrong for wanting to have sex with ny girlfriend but I also feel bad for wanting to and it eats at me. I've thought of breaking up with her but I feel as if that is wrong to break up with her because of sex. But its also not soley for sex, I feel as if she loves me but is no longer attracted to me. I've tried to talk to her about it and it ended up with an argument and her saying I'm making her feel bad cos she is asexual.


And I broke down and cried the other night asking myself did I ruin my life for moving for this girl. I had friends, family, an amazing girlfriend at the time who everyone loved. And who now is married.

 

[Mysterie]

can you live with having a girlfriend, who won't enjoy/or want to have sex with you?

if not, break up.

don't worry about having had a nice girlfriend in the past, thats over, no time machine to bring you back.

making lots of mistakes in our lives is a good thing because then we learn alot.

were you soulmates? its a romantic notion thats not grounded in reality. intense bonds and connections can be formed with many people and theres like 8 billion on the planet.

theres lots of great women out there, and i'm sure you can find another

 

[Clitnhawk]

Doubt it'll get better. A loving relationship should have so much bullshit. Yes, there are challenges - but this is major issues and you're both kids.

I've been married for years, in my 40s / wife is 30 - and a few hours ago - I was massaging her nice butt in her sleep, its sore from working / walking. So is part sexual and part healing. We avg. having sex 2~3 times a week. She likes being sexy, she likes that I find her attractive (vise versa). This woman, V is making you feel like a turd... She feels like a turd, and is ashamed of her sexuality. She's not A-sexual. She is shamed-sexual. An Asexual person has NO SEX DRIVE. I've only meet two in my life. They aren't grossed out by it, they don't miss it, they don't desire it... they don't masturbate, they don't want or NEED an intimate relationship with another human being, on and on... get it? ie: IMHO, V is fucking you over. Apparently, your friends and family saw her problems, that you couldn't because of your infatuation with her.

Get a piece of paper. make a line down the center. Left is PROS / Right is CONS.
the question: What if I move back home with friend and family.


You're young... more mistakes coming your way as you learn about life.

It took one decision to screw up royally. It'll take another go back to where you started and repair the damage. Laugh it off, learn from your mistakes. You've lost this battle, get over the embarrassment... Sticking around to prove otherwise just makes it worse.

Cut your losses and dump this woman (You will, hopefully today - maybe next year) change your phone number, cut-off all social contacts with her. If she tries to make contact via, some of your friends - tell them in advance "if she contacts you, tell her to FUCK OFF and block her. And don't tell me she talked to you. I don't want to know, don't care". And don't spend a month or 3 moving out. Make arrangements with your job (if you can). Only tell your parents and tell them to NOT TELL OTHERS.

After you see her one last time for fighting-not-sex time at your place and she leaves. Pack all your stuff in boxes, ship it home or put it in a rental truck. Don't do any social networking updates on status or photos.
Then go pick her up as usual, but go "out for dinner. Your hungry". Stop a local joint within walking distance from her parents. Get your food. dump her ass. It ain't working out. You want a REAL girlfriend... don't bother calling you again. She can play these games with someone else. Leave. When you get to your car and leave, delete her contact/block her number. Go home, hook your car to the rental truck or whatever (maybe you can put everything you need into your car? And simply sell off your furniture). If she left any of her things at your place, put it in a box and mail it to her. (like that same day, before you saw her - so she gets it in a day).

Why? Lets say she changes her tune, begs for you to stay - cries her eyes out. You forgiver her and giver her another chance. At this point, its likely she'll attempt to get pregnant. Stop taking her birth control pills, poke holes in the condom, etc.
Then you're stuck with her for another 18 years! Messing with your life in meeting a woman you could actually love.

Compare what you have today, to what you had before you left home...

Good luck.

(Change in edit, first list - I typed in a completely wrong word. "worse" was changed to "better".)

 

[Mrs.Grey]

I read this at first and said awe lawd some high school drama. I stopped my self, your feeling are involved. First off give her the benefit of the doubt. Say she is a sexual. Do you really, long term, want all this drama with no benefit for yourself. She can't show you sexual love period FOREVER! Second off, what I think is going on is, V flipped the script!!! You were dating other girls, had a life. Now you only wanna chase behind V. Worry about what going on with her. She has you crying over your own sexuality! This is game being played to its finest! Please in the future. Loving someone makes you feel good about who you are, if not, its not real love.

 

[Clitnhawk]

I would like to add: You did NOT screw up your life royally. You're 21, you are a child compared to a 30yr old and especially a 40yr old. Your brain doesn't reach full maturity until you are about 25 years old.
Hence the phrase "I'd love to KNOW what I know today when I was 20" - something like that.

You made a bad choice, easy to fix today. You have your 20s to date and learn about women and people. Don't consider anyone as a life partner until you're 25. Don't marry anyone until you have had a relationship with them for 2 years... don't have kids until you have been married for 2 years. It'll create a stable bond between the both of you... and you KNOW that you are both happy and will have a healthy home for your kid(s).

 

[park]

I ended it with her.
But I still want to talk to her. I truly care for her, and want the best for her. But I also know that I cannot talk to her and that is for the best.
Why must feelings be so hard.

 

[PriestTheyCalledHim]

Does she use opiates? Or is she on certain medications? Those can apparently make people stop wanting or having sex.

Have you ever talked to her about this?

 

[park]

We talked about it and said, she's apparently always found sex disgusting (yet still wants it, but rarely). She didnt want it in her previous relationships.
She doesnt like kissing with tongue, or me going down on her.

She is also on anti depressants and the pill.

 

[park]

She just messaged me this:

wow okay good luck with moving or or whatever you're planning on doing. nice to know you're trying hard to keep the person you claimed you loved

I honestly can't even believe you

thanks for breaking my heart for the last time. you never really cared anyway.

you are so quick to disappear yet it takes you half a year to realize what you've actually done. have fun with your new girlfriends I'm sure you'll appreciate them more than you ever acted like you did for me

nothing that ever happened between us changed you at all and you have no fucking idea how much that hurts me.

please don't fucking go.

no you know what

I won't stop you from doing what you want

it's obviously got nothing to do with me anymore and it hasn't for a while

you arent even gonna stay to see how things go. you just want to fucking leave

and that says everything

so why the fuck am I still crying over you

if you couldn't care less

and you know what

I have always wanted you to find your happiness.

I just wish it was with me

good luck. and I'm sorry I wasn't enough.

I wish I could be

 

[park]

Idk what to do. I love her and it hurts to get that message.
She then blocked me, so I cannot respond if I wanted.

We would have sex once every 3 months.
I would feel rejected by her emotionally and physically abd I told her, she told me it was just me feeling that way. I told her I just wanted to feel loved by her. That was a constant arguement.


Idk if I'm doing the right thing here.

 

[MissVL]

Bottom line:
Would you be able to remain in a sexless relationship for the rest of your life? Mentally, emotionally and physically?
If not then I think you have made the right decision.

 

[crzydiamond]

You are doing the right thing. In your heart you know it. Put yourself first, put your happiness first. Stop sacrificing your life for someone else....

Of course you are going to have feelings, breakups are like grieving...you just have to allow yourself to go through the process

If you didn't close this door, you'd never give another the opportunity to open

When you start second guessing yourself, stop for a moment and ask yourself this "what option/outcome will make me happy/content"? Then go with it. Stay strong and don't let her manipulate you with messages like the one you posted. That one had manipulation written in giant flashing letters all over it...

 

[park]

You are doing the right thing. In your heart you know it. Put yourself first, put your happiness first. Stop sacrificing your life for someone else....

Of course you are going to have feelings, breakups are like grieving...you just have to allow yourself to go through the process

If you didn't close this door, you'd never give another the opportunity to open

When you start second guessing yourself, stop for a moment and ask yourself this "what option/outcome will make me happy/content"? Then go with it. Stay strong and don't let her manipulate you with messages like the one you posted. That one had manipulation written in giant flashing letters all over it...

I don't have any support, I have no friends, my family back home already told me I can't move back, its such a huge inconvenience for them, theres no room.
I literally go to work, and home. I'm also very socially awkward so its difficult to meet people.

 

[Clitnhawk]

You may not have room with your parents, but you have family and old friends there. You have to re-connect with them. Transfer your job, if you can... somehow.

Being socially awkward is a part of life when you're young... and you are young. You have to make an effort to find people like you to hang out... are you in a major city, there are thousands of people to hang out with, or in a dinky little town with a population of 4 digits or less?

You have to make an effort to find friends... going back, finding a place to live is a start. Re-connect with your friends back home - see if you can crash at a place until you can find room-mates... or check the want-ads for a room-mate.

I saw what you posted... she's all over the place, fucking with your mind... she's either fucking with you, or is insane.

She talks about breaking her heart, you with your NEW girlfriend (really? oh yeah, you don't), stay, leave, how much she loves you and you don't, etc.

You're in pain dude... I get that, been there. But *IT WILL PASS*. You barely saw her twice a week... and it sucked... and she's laying the guilt trip on you. She'll eventually unblock you and send you more messages... so do yourself a favor, block her now on FB, twitter, phone - whatever.

If you let her back into your life, she will not change. You already talked to her about it. She is disgusted by sex.

Lets check it off:
1 - is jealous of you with your not-existent girl friends.
2 - won't give you sex... once every 3 months for people in their 20s? Dude, many couples in their 20s are fucking 3-5 times a day! A good fuck session with my wife may take 4-5 hours with a sore dick and pussy that takes a day or so to heal.
3 - she doesn't like oral sex.
4 - she doesn't like kissing.
5 - She never liked it... and most likely never will.
6 - makes you feel like a turd for trying...
7 - makes ZERO effort to get help.

So what are the positives? A blow up sex doll, lube and your hand will be better. There are free porn sites, with pics and videos of whatever turns you on.


You're doing the right thing... move on.

You get back with her, she's going to jump your bones and fuck your brains out for a week or so... until she gets pregnant.
And if you thought you were getting little sex now...