KUSHKUSHBABY
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Jun 1, 2018
- Messages
- 2
Here I am, at death's door once more. I'm one dose from finishing another subutex taper. I'm down to about .5 mg. I'll take my last dose 24 hours from now. I tried to cold turkey off of 16 mgs......MAJOR DISASTER!! Tried to cut it in half and go from 8 mgs.....MAJOR DISASTER!!!! Then tried 1mg......again, MAJOR DISASTER!! So I went from 1 mg to .5 mg. Then the pieces were just too small to break and not enough to even dissolve for longer than 5 seconds. I can't fail this time. I can't go back to the clinic. My wife is furious, so over my addiction. I have a week to get better. Next Monday, I need to be able to function. At least feel good enough to fake it. I've never quit anything outside of jail. I was heroin from the age of 16-26 years old. Anytime I had any sobriety was due to jail/prison. I never wanted to quit, until I caught my Trafficking Heroin felony at 26 years old. One of my "best friends" wore a wire on me. Anyways, I was released when I 29 years old. I completed 6 months of parole and moved 1500 miles from where I lived my entire life. I met my wife and things were great after 6 months. Then I got bored. MY DUMBASS HAD MULTIPLE YEARS CLEAN AND DECIDED I WOULD GO TO A SUBOXONE CLINIC. Went steady and dosed 16 mgs for about an year. So here I am. Feeling dumb, but most of all scared!! If I don't beat this NOW, my wife will leave. I'll be forced to go back to where I am from. And I know what will happen after that. I want to be clean. I love my life now, aside from subutex. How can I make this time different? How can I beat it and make it through the worst of the physical withdrawals? I need help.
(sorry I'm new to forums. well, posting on forums. I hope this all makes sense and I haven't violated any rules.)
(sorry I'm new to forums. well, posting on forums. I hope this all makes sense and I haven't violated any rules.)