Subs to oxy

[blythe5050]

Hi all I am new member to this site I’ll call myself Allen as my alias, thank you for allowing me to be part of the community. although this site always given me great info I can never find anywhere else I have never commented and I felt like it was time!
Quick background. I’m a full blow oxy addict who also is in a suboxone outpatient program. I had been doing really well with the subs but covid-19 and losing my job, new house, wife etc just got too stressful.
My tolerance for oxy is obviously not what it once was 4 years ago when I met my dealer for the first time, but I still just love it. I do a thing where I go on binges. I’ll do up to 8-9 30mg oxys a day along with my Valium I’m prescribed and recently added 30mg ir adderall to the mix just to dull the stress and the adderall gives me some euphoria , I used to just need 3 oxys to get that euphoric feeling without needing other meds to help get there. I usually pick up 30 30mg oxys, 15-20 extra stronger 10mg Valium and 5 addies. That’s like my 4-5 day thing and around $1200, plus my drive time to Oakland from the north bay which is 2 hours plus round trip . The price now for legit oxys is insane. I’m paying 40 dollars per at times before stuff tightened up I was paying 22 per and obviously it’s not sustainable. Worst is NOBODY in my family, even my wife know I’m on suboxone in the first place or that I have this nasty habit on the side. I hold down a job, am pretty good at acting normal like all is good but it gets so EXHAUSTING just pretending I’m all good. I’ll sometimes get in bad moods etc from knowing I’m about to run out of oxy and I need to start the process of slowly getting on subs and then going back down. it’s just inevitable someone will find out.. this is the first time I HAVE EVER been able to write this to people so that feels good, but I guess I’m just looking to start a discussion and see if others might be in similar situations or can commiserate?

I am the same been on here for years just for info, never commented . I have extreme bak pain i dont have a large addiction but i must have something to keep from getting WD which is quite uncomfortable nose runs, legs irritable, and for some reason constant urination, cant sleep more than two hours. I'll sit there for as long as i can toloerate this situation till i give up and take a tramadol 50 mg's. I want to be off everything but its impossible as my back pain is intolerable. No one knows i go and get oxys. So connect says he has to slow up so gave me subs. I had bup before, it worked and i was able to save half my tram script by using bup but i got them from a connect from out of state. Unable to get more. So i was back to trams again they didnt help. Now im taking the sub it work amazingly for me. Just cut a sub 8mg in half and whala pain was gone. I think i'll stick to this as long as connect can supply. I do agree this crappie habit is expensive. Wish i could just get the doc to give them to me but he has no idea i take anything but trams. I make sure im clean before blood tests. Its crazy always in the back of ur mind worried if u have anything or if the doc will stop tram script what will u do. Vicious cycle to live in in secret.

 

[Sky God]

I'm doing the same but from methadone to fent. Started years ago with oxy and like you no-one that knows me(besides drug dealers and the clinic folk) knows anything. I wouldn't be able to afford real oxy's now. They used to be cheaper but now mostly fent and triple the price. The pandemic is keeping my family away so i don't have to be sneaky and that is making it worse. I can handle visiting people for a couple weeks and keeping my methadone in my luggage but the fent has a bigger hold on me then oxy or heroin even did. It's like the crack of opiates so try not to go there. I started thinking of it yesterday and now been up since 4 am waiting on my dealer to wake. It defiantly sucks keeping all this secret. I was with a guy for 2 years and he had no clue but i hated it. My family are all proud i quit drinking years ago so i kinda don't want to say hey i'm on a oxy/heroin/methadone/fent 6year binge. I highly doubt they would talk to me again.

How do you think your wife would handle it? Divorce territory or just kicked to the couch? Don't touch heroin/fent because it seems to be impossible to get away from

 

[blythe5050]

Right it’s crazy messed up she doesn’t know. When we met I had just started trying roxis for fun then it became more serious as we did. Like as our relationship progressed and we got married I still was gradually getting more addicted. I’ve blamed it on withdrawal from psych meds she knew I was on etc. you know addicts make up good stories sometimes. Yes I guess my question was really more of is anyone else going through shit like this which obviously is yes and I just wanted to come clean to anybody anonymous that wouldn’t judge

Anyone judging doesnt need to be on here, im guessing most come in

I'm doing the same but from methadone to fent. Started years ago with oxy and like you no-one that knows me(besides drug dealers and the clinic folk) knows anything. I wouldn't be able to afford real oxy's now. They used to be cheaper but now mostly fent and triple the price. The pandemic is keeping my family away so i don't have to be sneaky and that is making it worse. I can handle visiting people for a couple weeks and keeping my methadone in my luggage but the fent has a bigger hold on me then oxy or heroin even did. It's like the crack of opiates so try not to go there. I started thinking of it yesterday and now been up since 4 am waiting on my dealer to wake. It defiantly sucks keeping all this secret. I was with a guy for 2 years and he had no clue but i hated it. My family are all proud i quit drinking years ago so i kinda don't want to say hey i'm on a oxy/heroin/methadone/fent 6year binge. I highly doubt they would talk to me again.

How do you think your wife would handle it? Divorce territory or just kicked to the couch? Don't touch heroin/fent because it seems to be impossible to get away from

here because they are using in secret or looking for info they cant ask others for fear of judgment.

 

[blythe5050]

I'm doing the same but from methadone to fent. Started years ago with oxy and like you no-one that knows me(besides drug dealers and the clinic folk) knows anything. I wouldn't be able to afford real oxy's now. They used to be cheaper but now mostly fent and triple the price. The pandemic is keeping my family away so i don't have to be sneaky and that is making it worse. I can handle visiting people for a couple weeks and keeping my methadone in my luggage but the fent has a bigger hold on me then oxy or heroin even did. It's like the crack of opiates so try not to go there. I started thinking of it yesterday and now been up since 4 am waiting on my dealer to wake. It defiantly sucks keeping all this secret. I was with a guy for 2 years and he had no clue but i hated it. My family are all proud i quit drinking years ago so i kinda don't want to say hey i'm on a oxy/heroin/methadone/fent 6year binge. I highly doubt they would talk to me again.

How do you think your wife would handle it? Divorce territory or just kicked to the couch? Don't touch heroin/fent because it seems to be impossible to get away from

Geez its freeing to actually say something to someone about my secret life lol, my family would disown me but i have to have something or ill be a disabled heap of nothing. Its really wild to see so many keeping the same secret.

 

[Sky God]

@blythe5050 I often wonder how my mom don't know just by phone calls. I turn into quite the chatty cathy on Fent and mom must think i do a lot of baking with foil and chain smoke cigarettes lol. Who wold have thought a woman that birthed me would be so clueless :D. I'm supposed to go on vacation for a month for my brothers wedding this summer but with the pandemic it may be postponed. I never thought i would be grateful for covid. I'm grabbing a ball of fent today and will lose a carry for my methadone but a week without dope and i will get it back. Some deterrence there.

I'm actually amazed i have kept it a secret for so long. Sometimes i just want to tell her but for the first time in my life she actually likes me and i don't want to mess that up.

 

[Oxyonthemind87]

I'm doing the same but from methadone to fent. Started years ago with oxy and like you no-one that knows me(besides drug dealers and the clinic folk) knows anything. I wouldn't be able to afford real oxy's now. They used to be cheaper but now mostly fent and triple the price. The pandemic is keeping my family away so i don't have to be sneaky and that is making it worse. I can handle visiting people for a couple weeks and keeping my methadone in my luggage but the fent has a bigger hold on me then oxy or heroin even did. It's like the crack of opiates so try not to go there. I started thinking of it yesterday and now been up since 4 am waiting on my dealer to wake. It defiantly sucks keeping all this secret. I was with a guy for 2 years and he had no clue but i hated it. My family are all proud i quit drinking years ago so i kinda don't want to say hey i'm on a oxy/heroin/methadone/fent 6year binge. I highly doubt they would talk to me again.

How do you think your wife would handle it? Divorce territory or just kicked to the couch? Don't touch heroin/fent because it seems to be impossible to get away from

Hey thanks for sharing your story! It’s nice to hear others as you always feel like you’re the only one, so again thank you for sharing. I come from a family of addictive personalities, shit even binging on the same food for weeks bc it just triggers something in my brain. Anyways, my wife has actually found a picture I erased on my phone once of a couple pills o had a picture of that were obviously taken in our bathroom and I had to fabricate this story that I got them from a friend and just tried a couple, end of story she got pissed but in her head it was just me trying a couple pills and having no idea what opioids are/do etc. if she knew I spent 1200 bucks a week when I’m in that “ mind state” I would be toast. Which is fair. So many times I had to say “ hey sweetie just going for a hike”
But really I’m driving down to the city and buying rx pills. Luckily I haven’t gotten fakes as much as people may think. I test all my shit for at least fentanyl before I use, only once when I reached out to a backup dealer did I get some weird Mexican shit. but I’m also on subs maintenance and will titrate that down if I know im getting some blues. I think the effects have worn off due to the suboxone occupying my receptors even after days off. Im
Sure in the past I was saved by having some in my system to counter me taking 500mg of oxy/ bunch of benzodiazepines etc. I figured I’d at least od bad enough by now. I def get to the nodding point which is basically od’ing.... sorry long reply. I suffer from extreme depression/ anxiety, ocd and this always just slowed me down/ made me feel normal and happy for a time being so that’s how that addiction evolved. I remember reading 4 years ago on this forum that messing with oxy would catch up but I always had that “ no I’ll be fine” attitude. I’m starting a new breakthrough at home ketamine program for depression/anxiety/ocd/and hopefully it’ll kind of reset my mind to not seek drugs. Sorry for rambling would love to chat more. And yes she would divorce me, I would be more trying to seek help if it were her in this position bc I understand that addiction is not 100% a choice it just happens slowly and takes hold. Take care!

 

[Oxyonthemind87]

I'm doing the same but from methadone to fent. Started years ago with oxy and like you no-one that knows me(besides drug dealers and the clinic folk) knows anything. I wouldn't be able to afford real oxy's now. They used to be cheaper but now mostly fent and triple the price. The pandemic is keeping my family away so i don't have to be sneaky and that is making it worse. I can handle visiting people for a couple weeks and keeping my methadone in my luggage but the fent has a bigger hold on me then oxy or heroin even did. It's like the crack of opiates so try not to go there. I started thinking of it yesterday and now been up since 4 am waiting on my dealer to wake. It defiantly sucks keeping all this secret. I was with a guy for 2 years and he had no clue but i hated it. My family are all proud i quit drinking years ago so i kinda don't want to say hey i'm on a oxy/heroin/methadone/fent 6year binge. I highly doubt they would talk to me again.

How do you think your wife would handle it? Divorce territory or just kicked to the couch? Don't touch heroin/fent because it seems to be impossible to get away from

Hey thanks for sharing your story! It’s nice to hear others as you always feel like you’re the only one, so again thank you for sharing. I come from a family of addictive personalities, shit even binging on the same food for weeks bc it just triggers something in my brain. Anyways, my wife has actually found a picture I erased on my phone once of a couple pills o had a picture of that were obviously taken in our bathroom and I had to fabricate this story that I got them from a friend and just tried a couple, end of story she got pissed but in her head it was just me trying a couple pills and having no idea what opioids are/do etc. if she knew I spent 1200 bucks a week when I’m in that “ mind state” I would be toast. Which is fair. So many times I had to say “ hey sweetie just going for a hike”
But really I’m driving down to the city and buying rx pills. Luckily I haven’t gotten fakes as much as people may think. I test all my shit for at least fentanyl before I use, only once when I reached out to a backup dealer did I get some weird Mexican shit. but I’m also on subs maintenance and will titrate that down if I know im getting some blues. I think the effects have worn off due to the suboxone occupying my receptors even after days off. Im
Sure in the past I was saved by having some in my system to counter me taking 500mg of oxy/ bunch of benzodiazepines etc. I figured I’d at least od bad enough by now. I def get to the nodding point which is basically od’ing.... sorry long reply. I suffer from extreme depression/ anxiety, ocd and this always just slowed me down/ made me feel normal and happy for a time being so that’s how that addiction evolved. I remember reading 4 years ago on this forum that messing with oxy would catch up but I always had that “ no I’ll be fine” attitude. I’m starting a new breakthrough at home ketamine program for depression/anxiety/ocd/and hopefully it’ll kind of reset my mind to not seek drugs. Sorry for rambling would love to chat more. And yes she would divorce me, I would be more trying to seek help if it were her in this position bc I understand that addiction is not 100% a choice it just happens slowly and takes hold. The care

 

[Sky God]

Hey thanks for sharing your story! It’s nice to hear others as you always feel like you’re the only one, so again thank you for sharing. I come from a family of addictive personalities, shit even binging on the same food for weeks bc it just triggers something in my brain. Anyways, my wife has actually found a picture I erased on my phone once of a couple pills o had a picture of that were obviously taken in our bathroom and I had to fabricate this story that I got them from a friend and just tried a couple, end of story she got pissed but in her head it was just me trying a couple pills and having no idea what opioids are/do etc. if she knew I spent 1200 bucks a week when I’m in that “ mind state” I would be toast. Which is fair. So many times I had to say “ hey sweetie just going for a hike”
But really I’m driving down to the city and buying rx pills. Luckily I haven’t gotten fakes as much as people may think. I test all my shit for at least fentanyl before I use, only once when I reached out to a backup dealer did I get some weird Mexican shit. but I’m also on subs maintenance and will titrate that down if I know im getting some blues. I think the effects have worn off due to the suboxone occupying my receptors even after days off. Im
Sure in the past I was saved by having some in my system to counter me taking 500mg of oxy/ bunch of benzodiazepines etc. I figured I’d at least od bad enough by now. I def get to the nodding point which is basically od’ing.... sorry long reply. I suffer from extreme depression/ anxiety, ocd and this always just slowed me down/ made me feel normal and happy for a time being so that’s how that addiction evolved. I remember reading 4 years ago on this forum that messing with oxy would catch up but I always had that “ no I’ll be fine” attitude. I’m starting a new breakthrough at home ketamine program for depression/anxiety/ocd/and hopefully it’ll kind of reset my mind to not seek drugs. Sorry for rambling would love to chat more. And yes she would divorce me, I would be more trying to seek help if it were her in this position bc I understand that addiction is not 100% a choice it just happens slowly and takes hold. The care

We are all here to support each other so no need to thank me. I also come from a long line of alcoholics except for my parents. We both got started because of an injury and it wasn't until i started reading this site i was unaware of just how common that is. The majority of us addicts have had an injury or emotional trauma. Quite sad really , we are sad people who just want to be happy and not in pain and society makes us less worthy which don't help , only gives us more shame. When i started my oxy script years ago i would have never thought i would be smoking something that kills people quite easily(fent) but here i am.

I really hope the ketamine gives you some relief and i never thought i would say this but i hope you get better without your wife finding out.lol

 

[Oxyonthemind87]

I'm doing the same but from methadone to fent. Started years ago with oxy and like you no-one that knows me(besides drug dealers and the clinic folk) knows anything. I wouldn't be able to afford real oxy's now. They used to be cheaper but now mostly fent and triple the price. The pandemic is keeping my family away so i don't have to be sneaky and that is making it worse. I can handle visiting people for a couple weeks and keeping my methadone in my luggage but the fent has a bigger hold on me then oxy or heroin even did. It's like the crack of opiates so try not to go there. I started thinking of it yesterday and now been up since 4 am waiting on my dealer to wake. It defiantly sucks keeping all this secret. I was with a guy for 2 years and he had no clue but i hated it. My family are all proud i quit drinking years ago so i kinda don't want to say hey i'm on a oxy/heroin/methadone/fent 6year binge. I highly doubt they would talk to me again.

How do you think your wife would handle it? Divorce territory or just kicked to the couch? Don't touch heroin/fent because it seems to be impossible to get away from

Wow yeah it’s a real just fucked up situation when you just break it down and I can only imagine the pain you have been through... addiction is vicious once it’s life consuming whether you can function ( keep it a secret and act normal) or if you decide as I do I am just tired of it and I will be starting a legit Ketamine therapy for my underlying depression/anxiety, ptsd just the shit that causes you to go to dark places and not appreciate yourself and in my situation I have like I said kept this a secret for 4+ years now, I don’t know how. I know it’s now or never to just get on a low dose of suboxone which I have bottles of but that stuff is as strong as fentanyl in terms of my receptors in the brain but it’s a partial agonist so it’s pretty much abuse intolerant to those like me that need it to keep me functioning if I can’t afford my habit or my dealer is just fine etc. I have a new job I just got, married, new house and a puppy coming in June, plus will be doing this literally FDA approved ketamine psychoactive treatment for what I wrote earlier. Time to try to re-set in a sense at 33. I never thought when I took that first oxy 4+ years ago and just falling in love. Cut to I’ve had to lie to e ergo me one I love, my wife has unknowingly known of any pill use and just thinks if I get “ high” I’m just stoned on weed, she doesn’t know drugs like you or I, so for years now I’ve had to use my “depression” as an excuse for my emotionally erratic behavior when it comes to being the husband I want to be and the man she met 4 years ago when I had just started taking pills for relief from depression knowing that nothing good could come of it. Hence why I’m trying this alter approach to address my underline issues that cause the problems in the beginning. I spend literally tens of thousands of dollars on some bullshit pills that I’ve become to allow to occupy my life that is there for me to fight for but it’s so hard to do it alone and the lie is the worst. I apologize for blabbing on but fuck it. I do not ever plan on knowingly trying fent. I got paranoid last time and ordered testing strips just to make sure it’s not in my system which tells me it’s either oxy that’s really legit and tastes like it didv4 years ago or else the market 100% has been infiltrated but I like to believe I do as much as I can (research, weight of pill, image comparison etc.) and my dealer is legit a nice dude and doesn’t fuck around and charge me 60 for real roxies like he does for others, I paid 22 back in 2016 and now 35 it’s insane esp as you need more to maintain everyday life. Anyways my apologies to unload all this but it’s just so nice to get it out. I hope for some positive future with just starting a new ketamine micro-dose treatment, sticking to legit lower dose subs, bc they are a godsend besides them being nasty as far as how strong such a small amount is and having to get off that eventually. But if I can just let this love affair with oxycodone to move on I feel like I can be closer to who I want to be. Not up and down and continuing having to lie about it. I made my own bed and I am willing to sleep in it if I can just look forward to positive things bc I have what I always wanted, minus the addiction. My wife would divorce me 100% she’s no bullshit empathy type of woman so that’s the answer to the last question lol. Take care.

 

[Selena248]

Hi all I am new member to this site I’ll call myself Allen as my alias, thank you for allowing me to be part of the community. although this site always given me great info I can never find anywhere else I have never commented and I felt like it was time!
Quick background. I’m a full blow oxy addict who also is in a suboxone outpatient program. I had been doing really well with the subs but covid-19 and losing my job, new house, wife etc just got too stressful.
My tolerance for oxy is obviously not what it once was 4 years ago when I met my dealer for the first time, but I still just love it. I do a thing where I go on binges. I’ll do up to 8-9 30mg oxys a day along with my Valium I’m prescribed and recently added 30mg ir adderall to the mix just to dull the stress and the adderall gives me some euphoria , I used to just need 3 oxys to get that euphoric feeling without needing other meds to help get there. I usually pick up 30 30mg oxys, 15-20 extra stronger 10mg Valium and 5 addies. That’s like my 4-5 day thing and around $1200, plus my drive time to Oakland from the north bay which is 2 hours plus round trip . The price now for legit oxys is insane. I’m paying 40 dollars per at times before stuff tightened up I was paying 22 per and obviously it’s not sustainable. Worst is NOBODY in my family, even my wife know I’m on suboxone in the first place or that I have this nasty habit on the side. I hold down a job, am pretty good at acting normal like all is good but it gets so EXHAUSTING just pretending I’m all good. I’ll sometimes get in bad moods etc from knowing I’m about to run out of oxy and I need to start the process of slowly getting on subs and then going back down. it’s just inevitable someone will find out.. this is the first time I HAVE EVER been able to write this to people so that feels good, but I guess I’m just looking to start a discussion and see if others might be in similar situations or can commiserate?

hello Allen
I read this and after years of creeping and not ever signing up I decided to. Let’s call me selena random alias lol.
I’m 34 years old and have been an in and off addicted for 13 years... for awhile NO ONE in my family or when I lived with my bf knew. I’ve been somehow functioning normally for awhile. It really first became a hard habit decade ago when I had a herniated disk and back then when docs prescribed Oxys and subs left and right I was prescribed 30mg roxi blues three times a day. So 90 a month. I’m a small person 5’2 about 100 pounds. And I went through those in 3-4 days. I have a nature high tolerance for all medications. The first time I took oxy I had 15mg and was fine. Anyways so after that I switched to heroin then etc etc. Did my own sub detox stopped couple years later went back on.
was a pattern
The last detox I had was cause everyone found out. My habit was out of control $600 a day of heroin. I was sent to one of those expensive fast detox places and they had me on naltrexone because it was one of those fast detox places. They basically make you pass out for couple days so the pw doesn’t effect you. However the program was a few thousand dollars. My family freaked out and basically found the best they could
(You need to wait 10 days after last sub or whatever to take it) Naltrexone is great. I had no cravings etc. But they make you stop taking it after a couple years. I couldn’t get a prescription anymore. I tried my best to cope
Now 3 years later I’m back in it again.
now I’ve added coke to the mix. I’m already on Xanax I have Valium etc.
(trust me I know the dangers and I’m surprised I’m not dead )
Recently I had found really cheap pressed blues. And wow they were great. Caused a lot of skin issues but man. I somehow ended up taking 13-15 a day. Snorting it. (My nasal cavities are prob going to fall out. )
So now I’m doing that. Coke, Valium Xanax (.25) , kratom (does nothing for me but I feel like it does so I still take it) that lasted a month.
Then I decided to switch to normal blues. Did that for a week. That was actually an easy switch. Now to subs. I somehow made it through with barely any withdrawals. I’m shocked seriously. I mean I’ve had so many withdrawals and from heroin back then over and over again. With the sub. I don’t even know what I’m doing or where I’m even going. I started crushing and adding alil saline then dripping it to. Seems to work better.

I know my story isn’t the same as yours but I want you to know I really do understand the frustration of acting normal.
my family is paranoid of me going back and I get it lol. But due to COVID I only see them once a week.
but hang in there. You’re not alone

if you want to know more about my experience with the fast detox just msg me or reply back. I’m willing to share it to everyone as well