Subs to oxy

[Oxyonthemind87]

Hi all I am new member to this site I’ll call myself Allen as my alias, thank you for allowing me to be part of the community. although this site always given me great info I can never find anywhere else I have never commented and I felt like it was time!
Quick background. I’m a full blow oxy addict who also is in a suboxone outpatient program. I had been doing really well with the subs but covid-19 and losing my job, new house, wife etc just got too stressful.
My tolerance for oxy is obviously not what it once was 4 years ago when I met my dealer for the first time, but I still just love it. I do a thing where I go on binges. I’ll do up to 8-9 30mg oxys a day along with my Valium I’m prescribed and recently added 30mg ir adderall to the mix just to dull the stress and the adderall gives me some euphoria , I used to just need 3 oxys to get that euphoric feeling without needing other meds to help get there. I usually pick up 30 30mg oxys, 15-20 extra stronger 10mg Valium and 5 addies. That’s like my 4-5 day thing and around $1200, plus my drive time to Oakland from the north bay which is 2 hours plus round trip . The price now for legit oxys is insane. I’m paying 40 dollars per at times before stuff tightened up I was paying 22 per and obviously it’s not sustainable. Worst is NOBODY in my family, even my wife know I’m on suboxone in the first place or that I have this nasty habit on the side. I hold down a job, am pretty good at acting normal like all is good but it gets so EXHAUSTING just pretending I’m all good. I’ll sometimes get in bad moods etc from knowing I’m about to run out of oxy and I need to start the process of slowly getting on subs and then going back down. it’s just inevitable someone will find out.. this is the first time I HAVE EVER been able to write this to people so that feels good, but I guess I’m just looking to start a discussion and see if others might be in similar situations or can commiserate?

 

[negrogesic]

These days whenever i hear people say "I'm addicted to [street sourced] 30mg oxys" i think, oh i think you mean you're addicted to fentanyl

Of course you still can get blackmarket 30mg oxycodone tablets. But i always think of those as roxi's not oxy's.

 

[TheInvisibleStoner]

That is wild. How does your wife not know? One of the 1st things I tell girls is I'm a fucking drug addict. They either run like hell, or stay.

What is the question? Are any of us fucked up on opiates and benzos? Yes! Probably this whole forum is.

You also have the tweaker side as well. These guys are on shit like meth, AP's, anti d's, etc. Rather be a dope fiend myself....

Of course the drunks too. They mix it all up. And then get crazy late at night in the lounge.

 

[DdAdNs]

Hi all I am new member to this site I’ll call myself Allen as my alias, thank you for allowing me to be part of the community. although this site always given me great info I can never find anywhere else I have never commented and I felt like it was time!
Quick background. I’m a full blow oxy addict who also is in a suboxone outpatient program. I had been doing really well with the subs but covid-19 and losing my job, new house, wife etc just got too stressful.
My tolerance for oxy is obviously not what it once was 4 years ago when I met my dealer for the first time, but I still just love it. I do a thing where I go on binges. I’ll do up to 8-9 30mg oxys a day along with my Valium I’m prescribed and recently added 30mg ir adderall to the mix just to dull the stress and the adderall gives me some euphoria , I used to just need 3 oxys to get that euphoric feeling without needing other meds to help get there. I usually pick up 30 30mg oxys, 15-20 extra stronger 10mg Valium and 5 addies. That’s like my 4-5 day thing and around $1200, plus my drive time to Oakland from the north bay which is 2 hours plus round trip . The price now for legit oxys is insane. I’m paying 40 dollars per at times before stuff tightened up I was paying 22 per and obviously it’s not sustainable. Worst is NOBODY in my family, even my wife know I’m on suboxone in the first place or that I have this nasty habit on the side. I hold down a job, am pretty good at acting normal like all is good but it gets so EXHAUSTING just pretending I’m all good. I’ll sometimes get in bad moods etc from knowing I’m about to run out of oxy and I need to start the process of slowly getting on subs and then going back down. it’s just inevitable someone will find out.. this is the first time I HAVE EVER been able to write this to people so that feels good, but I guess I’m just looking to start a discussion and see if others might be in similar situations or can commiserate?

I too am a suboxone patient... Now lemme read lol

 

[DdAdNs]

O

I too am a suboxone patient... Now lemme read lol

K I was a user for 15 years and about year 13 I discovered cocaine as well. The combination was my downfall. Cost. Obviously addicted to the opiates but then I added the rich man's drug that is cocaine. In regards to the opiates, I got so bad that in between supplies I also discovered heroin. Black stuff not the white (smoked not injection) I went to rehab and committed to the opiate side of things and the subs also helped with the coke but the coke I have found is a slower process but I have completely lost all cravings for opiates. I too was at 15s to 20s 30s whatever at 10 a day smoking those and snorting them on top of swallowing one. It was 1 to 3 every 3 hours. Also Xanax. You must do 1 thing if anything first and that is stop combining your opiates with your Valium if you want to live because the mix can make you simply stop breathing. Benzos and opiates can shut your respiratory system down without warning. So please stop that. Adderall maybe as well I get it tho. The opiates with the upper makes life great but if you were going so fast you wouldn't need the Valium. I hope you can commit to the subs. They are actually amazing. You'll be surprised. But talk to your doc. Whatever he prescribed may not cut your cravings and he may need to up it. I went from one a day to 2.5 per his prescription. It works I hope this helps but feel free to ask me anything

 

[ChinaGroove]

Hi all I am new member to this site I’ll call myself Allen as my alias, thank you for allowing me to be part of the community. although this site always given me great info I can never find anywhere else I have never commented and I felt like it was time!
Quick background. I’m a full blow oxy addict who also is in a suboxone outpatient program. I had been doing really well with the subs but covid-19 and losing my job, new house, wife etc just got too stressful.
My tolerance for oxy is obviously not what it once was 4 years ago when I met my dealer for the first time, but I still just love it. I do a thing where I go on binges. I’ll do up to 8-9 30mg oxys a day along with my Valium I’m prescribed and recently added 30mg ir adderall to the mix just to dull the stress and the adderall gives me some euphoria , I used to just need 3 oxys to get that euphoric feeling without needing other meds to help get there. I usually pick up 30 30mg oxys, 15-20 extra stronger 10mg Valium and 5 addies. That’s like my 4-5 day thing and around $1200, plus my drive time to Oakland from the north bay which is 2 hours plus round trip . The price now for legit oxys is insane. I’m paying 40 dollars per at times before stuff tightened up I was paying 22 per and obviously it’s not sustainable. Worst is NOBODY in my family, even my wife know I’m on suboxone in the first place or that I have this nasty habit on the side. I hold down a job, am pretty good at acting normal like all is good but it gets so EXHAUSTING just pretending I’m all good. I’ll sometimes get in bad moods etc from knowing I’m about to run out of oxy and I need to start the process of slowly getting on subs and then going back down. it’s just inevitable someone will find out.. this is the first time I HAVE EVER been able to write this to people so that feels good, but I guess I’m just looking to start a discussion and see if others might be in similar situations

8-9 30's a day? Damn. Don't be afraid to ask your doctor to up your dose if you're not comfortable. The point of Buprenorphine maintenance is to eliminae withdrawl symptoms while working on the psychological aspects of your addiction. Obviously that can't happen if you're in withdrawl and can't even begin to think straight due to the discomfort.

If you get up to like above 24 mg's and you're still in discomfort, you may want to consider methadone. Just be honest with your program and go from there. And don't be afraid to ask questions on here. I, like most on this forum, am an addict too.

 

[seedee]

hey dude i was on fent/h/hydromorphone for years before gettin on sub and then kept that quiet from my wife and family for another couple years. i understand where your at to some degree. my wife forgave me when the secret come up. she was happy that i tried to help myself get better but was also disappointed because i didn't trust her to understand my situation. food for thought sometimes the truth wil set you free

 

[Oxyonthemind87]

These days whenever i hear people say "I'm addicted to [street sourced] 30mg oxys" i think, oh i think you mean you're addicted to fentanyl

Of course you still can get blackmarket 30mg oxycodone tablets. But i always think of those as roxi's not oxy's.

Yeah I know that’s the vast majority for sure. I only say they are oxy bc I test everything I get. And when I see them coming out of a pharmacy style prescription bottle it gives me a little more assurance, but yes I do understand the vast majority are messed up

 

[Oxyonthemind87]

Yeah I know that’s the vast majority for sure. I only say they are oxy bc I test everything I get. And when I see them coming out of a pharmacy style prescription bottle it gives me a little more assurance, but yes I do understand the vast majority are messed up

Yes sorry I just call them oxy’s but technically they are indeed roxis

 

[Oxyonthemind87]

8-9 30's a day? Damn. Don't be afraid to ask your doctor to up your dose if you're not comfortable. The point of Buprenorphine maintenance is to eliminae withdrawl symptoms while working on the psychological aspects of your addiction. Obviously that can't happen if you're in withdrawl and can't even begin to think straight due to the discomfort.

If you get up to like above 24 mg's and you're still in discomfort, you may want to consider methadone. Just be honest with your program and go from there. And don't be afraid to ask questions on here. I, like most on this forum, am an addict too.

Oh no I’m sorry I think you misunderstood my post. It was long. I need to take that many roxis to feel anything as far as replacing the suboxone that’s occupying my receptors. if I take 2-4mg of subs I have no withdrawals, maybe irritable but not the physical pain. I have so many subs saved up from doing this off and on thing. It’s more psychological and me not knowing how to deal with things.

 

[Oxyonthemind87]

O

K I was a user for 15 years and about year 13 I discovered cocaine as well. The combination was my downfall. Cost. Obviously addicted to the opiates but then I added the rich man's drug that is cocaine. In regards to the opiates, I got so bad that in between supplies I also discovered heroin. Black stuff not the white (smoked not injection) I went to rehab and committed to the opiate side of things and the subs also helped with the coke but the coke I have found is a slower process but I have completely lost all cravings for opiates. I too was at 15s to 20s 30s whatever at 10 a day smoking those and snorting them on top of swallowing one. It was 1 to 3 every 3 hours. Also Xanax. You must do 1 thing if anything first and that is stop combining your opiates with your Valium if you want to live because the mix can make you simply stop breathing. Benzos and opiates can shut your respiratory system down without warning. So please stop that. Adderall maybe as well I get it tho. The opiates with the upper makes life great but if you were going so fast you wouldn't need the Valium. I hope you can commit to the subs. They are actually amazing. You'll be surprised. But talk to your doc. Whatever he prescribed may not cut your cravings and he may need to up it. I went from one a day to 2.5 per his prescription. It works I hope this helps but feel free to ask me anything

Thank you for the kind response. I’ve been doing gradual tapers from legit prescriptions. First was 120 1mg Xanax per a month prescribed, I wasn’t even seeking it out, then that doctor got his controlled substance license revoked. Switched healthcare providers and they weened me down slowly and transitioned me to 30mg daily of Valium, I’m now down to 5 mg a day prescribed but still buy extra off the street. I’ve combined for years and def have nodded off but not at my tolerance level now. I’m prescribed 6mg of subs a day, my doctor has no problem going to any dose literally. I just choose not to take a lot so I am able to feel anything from roxis when I do get them. I know subs work, I was totally clean ( besides subs) for 4 months with zero cravings. I just hit a stress point in the last several months and started down that road again.

 

[Oxyonthemind87]

That is wild. How does your wife not know? One of the 1st things I tell girls is I'm a fucking drug addict. They either run like hell, or stay.

What is the question? Are any of us fucked up on opiates and benzos? Yes! Probably this whole forum is.

You also have the tweaker side as well. These guys are on shit like meth, AP's, anti d's, etc. Rather be a dope fiend myself....

Of course the drunks too. They mix it all up. And then get crazy late at night in the lounge.

Right it’s crazy messed up she doesn’t know. When we met I had just started trying roxis for fun then it became more serious as we did. Like as our relationship progressed and we got married I still was gradually getting more addicted. I’ve blamed it on withdrawal from psych meds she knew I was on etc. you know addicts make up good stories sometimes. Yes I guess my question was really more of is anyone else going through shit like this which obviously is yes and I just wanted to come clean to anybody anonymous that wouldn’t judge

 

[negrogesic]

You also have the tweaker side as well. These guys are on shit like meth, AP's, anti d's, etc. Rather be a dope fiend myself....

Yeah i think most women can tolerate an opioid addict far more than a tweaker (unless the girl is a tweaker themselves). I suppose im talking about sober women.

Also @Oxyonthemind87 welcome to bluelight, this is a good place.

 

[Oxyonthemind87]

hey dude i was on fent/h/hydromorphone for years before gettin on sub and then kept that quiet from my wife and family for another couple years. i understand where your at to some degree. my wife forgave me when the secret come up. she was happy that i tried to help myself get better but was also disappointed because i didn't trust her to understand my situation. food for thought sometimes the truth wil set you free

Yeah man it’s hard to keep up the lie. My wife is so anti drug etc that I def would be kicked out so that’s why I’ve tried this behind the scenes crap for years. I just keep thinking I’ll hit a point in life where I just am not so self absorbed. This COVID-19 and job loss really fucked me with my recovery I’d at least I am using that in my mind as an excuse.

 

[Oxyonthemind87]

Yeah i think most women can tolerate an opioid addict far more than a tweaker (unless the girl is a tweaker themselves). I suppose im talking about sober women.

Also @Oxyonthemind87 welcome to bluelight, this is a good place.

Thank you kindly it feels good to chat with other people in situations that aren’t ideal. You can feel so alone sometimes.

 

[TheInvisibleStoner]

First was 120 1mg Xanax per a month prescribed, I wasn’t even seeking it out, then that doctor got his controlled substance license revoked.

I had that same fucking script. I think 4mg a day is the most they can prescribe. Or why he scripted me that I have no clue. I never took 4mg (maybe some days). Was giving them out like crazy. Saved 1000's of mg up too. Then one day my doctor just died. Actually tapered off a few times. Taking like 1mg a day now from other sources but working on a valium script since do want benzos out of my life.

Oddly I asked that same doctor one day (after I had tons of xanax saved) if I could try valium. And he was like....ohhhhhh I can only do 5mg of valium a day. That shit never made sense to me. Like he had the power to script shit he had no idea what it does. If a naive person (more naive than getting yourself hooked on benzos) took the 4mg a day. Then one day magically changed to 5mg valium, they would of ended in the hospital.

How I got the script is one day I asked him for a few xanax since helps me sleep. And he gave me 4mg a day lol.

 

[DdAdNs]

Thank you for the kind response. I’ve been doing gradual tapers from legit prescriptions. First was 120 1mg Xanax per a month prescribed, I wasn’t even seeking it out, then that doctor got his controlled substance license revoked. Switched healthcare providers and they weened me down slowly and transitioned me to 30mg daily of Valium, I’m now down to 5 mg a day prescribed but still buy extra off the street. I’ve combined for years and def have nodded off but not at my tolerance level now. I’m prescribed 6mg of subs a day, my doctor has no problem going to any dose literally. I just choose not to take a lot so I am able to feel anything from roxis when I do get them. I know subs work, I was totally clean ( besides subs) for 4 months with zero cravings. I just hit a stress point in the last several months and started down that road again.

Well yeah if you're planning on taking subs when you're out of the pk's and not committed to getting off then you're better off at the low dose. I am curious though why you are so against getting off the opiates when you have the solution in the other hand. I know for me it was hard to believe. These subs ain't gonna do shot for me. But when I was on day 4 of withdrawal and was given a sub it blew my mind. I stared them 2 years ago and happily off the opiates for 2 years. No cravings. It is nuts. 15 years of pure percocets ranging in mgs. To none. I recommend trying to get off them but I don't judge I know it's fun as hell but really that fun isn't lost like you may think it will be. Subs have a "high" too my friend.

 

[Oxyonthemind87]

Well yeah if you're planning on taking subs when you're out of the pk's and not committed to getting off then you're better off at the low dose. I am curious though why you are so against getting off the opiates when you have the solution in the other hand. I know for me it was hard to believe. These subs ain't gonna do shot for me. But when I was on day 4 of withdrawal and was given a sub it blew my mind. I stared them 2 years ago and happily off the opiates for 2 years. No cravings. It is nuts. 15 years of pure percocets ranging in mgs. To none. I recommend trying to get off them but I don't judge I know it's fun as hell but really that fun isn't lost like you may think it will be. Subs have a "high" too my friend.

Yeah the roxis, it just numbs my stress and makes my day okay. Like I said I was 4 months on subs and you’re right literally a miracle. I just have an addictive personality and I think I missed doing it, like picking up being excited to get home and do some and relax. It’s very psychological. I’m at the point where I know what my problem is, know how I need to fix it or at least treat it properly etc. I guess I just keep waiting for some revelation. I did the best being of roxis etc by having a job. I got laid off due to Covid and in the process of interviewing. I just need to keep my days busy and with purpose instead of spending hours occupying and doing drugs. The mind is strong and right now the addict side is winning despite me deep down knowing I need to stop.

 

[DdAdNs]

Yeah the roxis, it just numbs my stress and makes my day okay. Like I said I was 4 months on subs and you’re right literally a miracle. I just have an addictive personality and I think I missed doing it, like picking up being excited to get home and do some and relax. It’s very psychological. I’m at the point where I know what my problem is, know how I need to fix it or at least treat it properly etc. I guess I just keep waiting for some revelation. I did the best being of roxis etc by having a job. I got laid off due to Covid and in the process of interviewing. I just need to keep my days busy and with purpose instead of spending hours occupying and doing drugs. The mind is strong and right now the addict side is winning despite me deep down knowing I need to stop.

I recommend raising your dose. I was on heroin too. Stupid. But I'm lazy as hell I don't have to worry about staying busy. I recommend raising the dose so you can DECIDE if you want to stay busy rather than HAVE to.

 

[ChinaGroove]

An old yet true saying is that everyone has different "bottoms" they must reach before they are ready to stop. It's very true.