Stillkickin's attempt at a detox journal - Opiates

[w0w0mg]

Give you some positive vibes stillkickin.
I began using Kratom so I can stop taking benzos because I have a drug test coming up.
I am hoping it will help, I can't afford to fail a drug test.

much love to you man

 

[P0kemama]

Thank you both very kindly!

I'm really hoping I do have this licked. I'd be lying if I didn't admit to having considerable amount of thoughts going through my head trying to rationalize picking up some more, as I know they're available again through my sources. I don't want to give the impression that I'm above or past those trains of thought. Especially with the snow out and cold weather, what else sounds better than scoring some ops and losing myself in some TV or a video game?? Rhetorical, obviously . Also have that little devil on my shoulder telling me "Hey, look at all you've accomplished lately. You DESERVE a night to yourself wrapped in the warmth of an opiate blanket." It will certainly take time and reaffirmation of my resolve to retrain these patterns spinning behind my eyes. They say "A day at a time" for a reason.

-SK

Hi Still: Thank you for your honesty. Have you ever read the book called The Willpower Instinct, by Kelly McGonigal? It is a great book, and it helped explain to me why I fail at the goals I have set regarding, well, most everything that requires willpower. I thought of the book because of what you wrote above, specifically the sentence "Hey... look at all you/ve accomplished lately...." there is a name for that, it is called goal liberation. The fact that we make progress towards our goal gives us permission to reward ourselves with the exact substance that we are trying to abstain from.
I think the book is fascinating in that it gives me language for these feelings and thoughts that I thought were uniquely mine.

It is good that you are aware that your little devil is still alive and kicking. I really need to stop complimenting you, and others, when you make progress because of goal liberation. One experiment that the writer talks about includes people who were on a diet. Once they were complimented on the success they were having in reaching their goal, and afterwards were offered the choice of an apple or a chocolate bar, something like 85% of those complimented chose the chocolate bar. In a group where no compliments were given, and a choice of an apple or a chocolate bar were able to made, a higher percentage of the people picked the apple.
I need to the book, b/c I had to return it to the library before I had internalized all the helpful information.

Enough of my rambling.. have a cozy night!

 

[stillkickin]

Just wanted to stop in and update this, probably more for my own records.

I've had ups and downs since the last post on here. Many days off ops, many days on. To sum up though, I'm 5 days off everything (no kratom either). Still fighting aches and chills, but they've been getting increasingly better each day. If anyone is still sub'ed to this thread and feels like stopping by to exchange war stories, I'd certainly be thrilled to see some old faces, or new faces !

-SK

 

[w0w0mg]

STILLKICKIN!!!! YOU'RE ALIVE!
I'm so glad you're doing good and fighting the good fight.
I'm clean myself. No kratom, nothing!
It gets better man, I promise you.
Don't give up!
Much love to you, PM me anytime!

 

[stillkickin]

STILLKICKIN!!!! YOU'RE ALIVE!
I'm so glad you're doing good and fighting the good fight.
I'm clean myself. No kratom, nothing!
It gets better man, I promise you.
Don't give up!
Much love to you, PM me anytime!

Hey buddy, good to hear from ya! Very awesome you're doing good! I've been stopping here every now and then and have stayed up on I believe all of your threads. Quite a journey sir.

I'll shoot ya a PM here in a sec.

Thanks for stopping in pal!

-SK

 

[P0kemama]

Hi Stillkickin and W0w! So nice to read your updates... keep up the good work! I am still on my prescribed meds, still anxious about the ever constant tightening up of policies at my pain clinic, but overall life is good. Looking forward to get togethers with good friends and family to celebrate the 4th with a bar b q and a great fireworks show sponsored by my little city I live in. Take care!

 

[w0w0mg]

Hang in there p0ke!
It gets better.
Much love to you!

 

[ABetterWay]

I'm glad you are still fighting. I'm on a new attempt myself lol. Love ya, baby xoxoxoxoxo

 

[stillkickin]

Hi Stillkickin and W0w! So nice to read your updates... keep up the good work! I am still on my prescribed meds, still anxious about the ever constant tightening up of policies at my pain clinic, but overall life is good. Looking forward to get togethers with good friends and family to celebrate the 4th with a bar b q and a great fireworks show sponsored by my little city I live in. Take care!

Heyo Pokemama. Very good to hear from ya. I'm glad you stopped in! Awesome things are looking up for you. That's always a good thing to hear!

I'm glad you are still fighting. I'm on a new attempt myself lol. Love ya, baby xoxoxoxoxo

 

[stillkickin]

Welp, my post got demolished when submitting it.

Quick recap, I had individually quoted everyone but since I don't have time to retype it, I'm happy to see almost all of the old crew has checked it since my last post!

ABW, how far along are you on this effort?

I'm 6 days off at this time. I've made a lot of progress on identifying where I'm vulnerable and what personal characteristics of myself I have to curb to remain successful. Hopefully I'll have more good news in the coming days with this effort.

Much love to you all!

-SK

 

[aplumgirl]

I started reading your thread and immediately indetified. I've lost a lot of enthusiasm for things since starting Oxy about 2 months ago. My evolution has been for chronic pain treatment, but also recreation. Vicodin lead to methadone which lead to morphine which lead to Oxy. I wish I had known what a soul thief this drug was!

The mist interesting thing I found was the kratom topic. Recently I've considered tapering, I just don't have the will power for that. I've also read a lot on here about subs , however I don't want to trade addictions. That is why the kratom was so exciting.

I've read about the help with WD which is truly exciting as I lose my mind, so to speak, when thinking about WD. I suffered CT WD once in rehab and never want that experience again!

I really like the thought of using kratom can you give more info about effects, benefits, dosages, anything really?

Good luck to you, the struggle may be long but the benefits are for a lifetime! I wish you all the best in your attempt!

 

[stillkickin]

I started reading your thread and immediately indetified. I've lost a lot of enthusiasm for things since starting Oxy about 2 months ago. My evolution has been for chronic pain treatment, but also recreation. Vicodin lead to methadone which lead to morphine which lead to Oxy. I wish I had known what a soul thief this drug was!

The mist interesting thing I found was the kratom topic. Recently I've considered tapering, I just don't have the will power for that. I've also read a lot on here about subs , however I don't want to trade addictions. That is why the kratom was so exciting.

I've read about the help with WD which is truly exciting as I lose my mind, so to speak, when thinking about WD. I suffered CT WD once in rehab and never want that experience again!

I really like the thought of using kratom can you give more info about effects, benefits, dosages, anything really?

Good luck to you, the struggle may be long but the benefits are for a lifetime! I wish you all the best in your attempt!

Thank you for stopping in and sharing your side aplumgirl! I'm glad you were able to find some things to identify with ITT. That was a big purpose of me creating it.

WD's are ridiculous!! The mental side of it alone is tormenting, not to mention the physical.

With regards to Kratom. I have a mixed bag of emotions about it. It can truly be amazing to help bridge gaps, but that is the only thing I personally can recommend it for. I wouldn't recommend long term usage as it comes with its own issues. I've had very rough come-downs from it, especially with regards to the mental and RLS. That said, it has saved my ass on quite a few occasions. Initial dosage would depend on your current standard intake of opiates. I was at about 30-40mg of oxy when I tried 8 grams (read it somewhere). I didn't think it was helping until all of a sudden I realized that things were manageable. If you go in seeking a high from it, you're already on the wrong path IMHO. I truly believe it should only be a bridge to get you to the "other side".

I won't endorse subs unless absolutely necessary and most all other avenues have been exhausted. They can be a slippery slope with a much steeper cliff than other options, especially with how little they are understood by most healthcare professionals. My biggest piece of advice is to be as educated about every substance that you allow to enter your body. Stay vigilant in understanding your actions or your pursuit in understanding them. I think those things will give you the most insight into your own recovery.

Take care and feel free to post whenever ITT (in this thread)!

-SK

 

[aplumgirl]

Thank you for stopping in and sharing your side aplumgirl! I'm glad you were able to find some things to identify with ITT. That was a big purpose of me creating it.

WD's are ridiculous!! The mental side of it alone is tormenting, not to mention the physical.

With regards to Kratom. I have a mixed bag of emotions about it. It can truly be amazing to help bridge gaps, but that is the only thing I personally can recommend it for. I wouldn't recommend long term usage as it comes with its own issues. I've had very rough come-downs from it, especially with regards to the mental and RLS. That said, it has saved my ass on quite a few occasions. Initial dosage would depend on your current standard intake of opiates. I was at about 30-40mg of oxy when I tried 8 grams (read it somewhere). I didn't think it was helping until all of a sudden I realized that things were manageable. If you go in seeking a high from it, you're already on the wrong path IMHO. I truly believe it should only be a bridge to get you to the "other side".

I won't endorse subs unless absolutely necessary and most all other avenues have been exhausted. They can be a slippery slope with a much steeper cliff than other options, especially with how little they are understood by most healthcare professionals. My biggest piece of advice is to be as educated about every substance that you allow to enter your body. Stay vigilant in understanding your actions or your pursuit in understanding them. I think those things will give you the most insight into your own recovery.

Take care and feel free to post whenever ITT (in this thread)!

-SK

Very good info thanks for sharing. I really want off pills completely one day. I've been considering marijuana for chronic pain management.

I've noticed that my pain gets much more intense the more opiates I use, so hopefully detoxicing off those and using marijuana I'll get back to " normal" pain and be able to control that pain without being a total lump like I am on pills. Unfortunately I live in a non-medical marijuana state in the US, so I'll be going the illegal route to control my pain.

Sorry, not sure if any of this makes sense.

 

[stillkickin]

Hey everyone. I wanted to stop in and update this seemingly ancient thread. I've been up and down since my last post in July of last year. Mixed bag of time off pills and resorting back to them. I made it to 9 days back in July and that is still my record for total time off everything since. Right now I'm over 24 hours with an unfriendly belly and chills that are aggravating. I've had some illness over the last month that I'm just now seemingly getting over.

I was able to get approval for a prescription of Lyrica, which does in fact help considerably with w/d's. I'm taking 100mg 2x/daily and trying to just keep it at that. Another thing I did last night, which is partly responsible for me writing this post was eat about 3g of good quality shrooms. I always find a good deal of insight into things I'm battling mentally and physically when I submit to that experience. I don't do it very often, maybe 2-3x/year. I was fairly at my wit's end though and needed a change of perspective. I'm working now on integrating my findings into my day to day life.

I've not made any more efforts to line up oxys or vics at this point and am fairly determined to see this through. I've also decided that I need to fully commit to not buying anymore cigarettes as that's something I've been working on removing from my life for the past 6 months. I've started a ton of good things, such as going to the gym, eating healthier, and just generally taking better care of myself. These changes have not been integrated without difficulties though for the record. It's very difficult to make changes in life. People need to realize this for realistic expectations when trying to as such.

The last thing (cannot believe this happened) is that my ex-wife messaged me in July of last year for a strange reason (an officer was shot in my very nice person neighborhood during a "routine" traffic stop). She saw it on the news and sent me an email. She said she's been wanting to contact me for years but never knew how and was afraid to given how things ended. Many difficult conversations later over the course of months led me to believe she values different things in her life now, me being one of them. It was nice to hear that while she tried fulfilling a more materialistic life, she found no fulfillment in it. She stated she never met anyone with the integrity of myself and that was something she just did not want to live without if there was any way possible to make it work. That felt very good to hear as I'm extremely hard on myself even though I should give myself a lot more credit for things I've accomplished in my life. Clinical depression is a bitch though and something you have to work on constantly.

Well that's it for now. I wanted to stop in and share that I'm still fighting the good fight. The shrooms were very helpful and I'm praying I can see this through. Thoughts and prayers to anyone else out there currently in this struggle. I know how hard it is and think you're amazing for trying to make it work!!!

-SK

 

[Sunshine34242]

Need help! I'm detoxing off Morphine 60mg abg.. I currently take about a half to a whole 60mg a day.. I want and need a safe taper plan. Just found out I'm pregnant and I don't want to be on this and want to taper off before I go in to my first appointment. Any help would be greatly appreciated!! Please don't judge me and keep any rude comments to yourself!!! I don't want to be on this crap while pregnant and don't want to get on a different medication just to get off this crap! So please help me with a safe taper plan to get off.. Thanks

 

[stillkickin]

Need help! I'm detoxing off Morphine 60mg abg.. I currently take about a half to a whole 60mg a day.. I want and need a safe taper plan. Just found out I'm pregnant and I don't want to be on this and want to taper off before I go in to my first appointment. Any help would be greatly appreciated!! Please don't judge me and keep any rude comments to yourself!!! I don't want to be on this crap while pregnant and don't want to get on a different medication just to get off this crap! So please help me with a safe taper plan to get off.. Thanks

Sunshine, you should be getting no judgement on these forums unless you are doing something to deliberately harm another person. You most certainly won't be getting any judgement from me. Quite the contrary actually, I commend you for recognizing the fact that you should be doing everything in your power to get this out of your system, as you don't want to be passing this on to your unborn child.

I'm not familiar with the acronym for ABG. I googled, but only arterial blood gas returns in the medical field. If you're detoxing off of 60mg orally, you can most certainly do this! I'm very hesitant to give advice given your condition (pregnant). If it was just you, I'd be happy to help with a taper plan that I'd view as realistic. Please post a thread of your own in The Dark Side or Sober Living. There are some very well educated people here that can give advice and I'd feel much more comfortable with them advising you rather than me.

Feel free to use this thread to post your progress and stay in touch as much as you like. It's always a beautiful thing when a person makes the decision to start the journey in the direction of becoming free of these medications. They're not a long term solution for any type of pain IMHO. So hats off to you and prayers for you Sunshine.

-SK

 

[stillkickin]

A quick update on me. I've been sticking to my guns (for the most part). I made it all day yesterday with the exception of approx 1.8 grams of Kratom last night in order to celebrate Valentine's Day with the misses. I remembered she had a 7.5mg hyrdocodone tab at her place that I did take this morning. Other than than, I took approx 2 grams of Kratom this afternoon to help me get through the work day. It did nothing for a buzz (which I was not seeking, I don't like the stimulant effects of Kratom), it was solely to help with the chills and settle the back/stomach. I'll probably take 1.5 grams for this evening and see how I'm feeling in the morning.

This feels like I'm making better progress than any other attempt since July of last year, so I hope/pray I can maintain it. I've got a busy rest of the week ahead, so I'll just do the minimal amounts of Kratom to remain functional since there's no time off for me anytime soon.

Hope all is well and if you're struggling, keep your head down low and your hopes up high!

-SK

 

[herbavore]

Hey, stillkickin! So good to see you back around here.

Small steps are always good when they are heading in the right direction.

 

[Stickman Roxy]

StillKicking! Welcome back. I'm happy for you that things are going well with your ex wife! Hang in there and keep kicking ass

 

[Sixxam]

Good for you man, fighting the good fight.. Come hell or high water.