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socializing

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dogsoldier

Bluelighter
Joined
Sep 2, 2007
Messages
73
Hi all
Been years since i posted on bluelight. But here it goes.

I have trouble socializing and going out in general. And i feel i should be more pro active on weekends. Clubbing. Pubbing and generl catching up with mates and hitting the town. Im not a fan of alcohol as i find i get far to drunk and also have had problems in the past.

Im thinking of using mdma/ecstacy from time to time to help me get out of my comfort zone a bit but also to help put my barrier down and hopefully have some fun/socialise.

Any thoughts?
 
Is it just a phase or were you more social before? It can be a phase. You need to figure this out.
IMO it's trick to have to use something to make you more social. Eventually you'll have to face the problem.

Suggest you try to find why you are having these problems before going any further.
It's a temporary solution and it can bring you more problems in the near future which may place you in a more difficult situation.
 
I personally would not rely on MDMA (or any drug) simply to make you a bit more social - what is holding you back from doing this sober?
 
The problem has always been there. I suspect i have a bit of social anxiety. Just thought maybe mdma would help me break out of my comfort zone and try new things.
 
I don't like clubs or pubs either, and while I am kind of introverted, I wouldn't say I have trouble socializing. Maybe you and your mates can spend time together with a different activity? If you find you have problems with alcohol, I'm very hesitant to say that other drugs will be the best solution for you.
 
Yea.. it seems like clubbing and pubbing are the norm in todays society. I do enjoy clubbing but just find it hard without alcohol or some sort of drug to let my barrier down a bit. It's probably something ill have to work on.
 
As a human you can not just instantly change learned behavior. The issue here is that you have to unlearn your social anxiety. I think we are all capable of this to a certain degree but the key is to start small. If you have trouble approaching people then you must approach them in small regulated settings before you venture out into a club or bar. Are you the type when waiting in a long line to make funny comments or try to talk to someone waiting too? If not then try to be the guy that makes the person behind you snicker a bit about someone fumbling for change or the clerk not knowing cigarettes or some other mundane way to get a social response. Confidence begets confidence and you can not gain it by taking drugs or diving head first into a bar, you will get too drunk due to being anxious and the idea of alcohol helping you.

I would start by getting yourself into small social situations and communicating with people around you. Get into an elevator and make convocation or something silly like that. The more you do it the more likely you are to break the ice wtih a new person and once you get to that level youll get better and better. It is important to secure small victories or you will not radiate confidence in your introduction once you can show a bit of who you are in the first sentences without sounding like its scripted or like you dont know what to do, you will make new friends
 
I feel ya!
I used to be a very social person. I had loads of friends, went out almost every night, was very popular and generally the "life of the party".
Then I lived in total isolation... way out in the woods... for a few years. And after living in seclusion like that, I don't have much interest in being social. Like... Ever!
I have an amazing girlfriend, but she has really severe anxiety, so she doesn't like going out very much. She almost borders on agoraphobic. It works out great for us because we basically just hang out with each other and never leave the house. And I'm quite happy this way. However sometimes it does seem odd that we don't really have any social life or hang out with anyone except each other. But honestly I'm much happier now than I was before (when I went out to the clubs every night). I feel like maybe I was only interested in being a social butterfly (back then) because there were some important things missing from my life (like the love of a good woman) and now that I'm actually a happy person (and grown up a bit) I don't feel the need for all the countless friends, parties, concerts and whatnot. I'm pretty happy just hanging out at home with my girl. Being social is over-rated. When you have a great woman waiting for you at home, going out seems rather pointless.
 
I found MDMA to more or less be the 'cure' so to speak of my anxiety out clubbing, particularly that regarding approaching girls....that being said, I wasn't using it as a crutch or remedy, or even hoping to find a cure; it merely aided me in rediscovering how to socialise without worry....so it can certainly work, however you must be sure you're not using MDMA to be able to socialise. Make sure you only allow it to assist you in a therapeutic way.

Should you find yourself coming to Canberra, shoot us a PM and we can look at hitting the clubs (BYO MDMA of course haha :p)
 
Indeed, mdma will help with your socialization issues, at least temporarily. But you can take your assertiveness back with you by remembering the experience well, and trying to apply it in your day to day life.

A lot of what's said sounds good. Socialization actually does take skill to do and it requires practice. It's very similar to improvising; getting it right with barely a second to respond.

I had problems with it here and there many years ago, mainly because I kind of look different from most people. A lot of people would take it the wrong way, but it was always just to form a sense of individuality, which everyone does to some extent. But as soon as I would allow myself to be approachable and non-judgmental on the whole (eg. smile and be nice), people would understand that I don't think of myself as better than anyone else in the room. In fact, I'd probably start to care about your problems more than my own. :)

So that's the other thing too; to socialize, empathize with what the other person is saying and ask questions. That's pretty much it for me, as far as personal methods go.
 
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That's definitely a good point - learn how to ask questions of the other person. I hate trying to talk about myself unless asked, and we all know how much girls love talking about themselves :p
 
Haha, same here. That's why I disappear here and there. ;)

And yes, they do lol.

Btw, what I say tends to only work for me, personally. Everyone's different, and I'm also kind of anti-social now, so I'm not the best example here either. :) I'm actually tired of forced socializing that I have to endure like eg. in class. I'd rather do the work alone. =/
 
I'm antisocial in the same way man. I no longer have any real troubles interacting, however now I just don't have all that much interest in general. Hit the clubs every couple of months with the girlfriend, but otherwise I'm a hermit hahaha
 
Thanks for the replys everyone... I dunno part of me feels like I'm missing out on something by not being out there like/with other people.
I went to the movies tonight and the whole time i just felt depressed and i think part of it was me thinking i should be out and about.
Its also tough because i dont have to many friends who are clubbing/pubbing at the moment :-/
 
No drugs should ever be taken without careful consideration and yes, mdma can make you feel more social and happy at times. There is however the flip side of when you don't react to the drug the way you think you will. If you are having trouble socialising and are looking for a way to get out your comfort zone I wouldn't recommend using mdma for that purpose. Drugs should be taken when you feel comfortable with the people around you and are in a safe environment especially if it's your first time using
 
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