Hi all. I’ve been using meth on and off for around 20 years. I have a major heart attack about a year and a half ago. Was in coma and icu. Anyways I went to rehab last summer for four months. Came back and used on and off. It’s sounds terrible but I hate being sober. I don’t like anything about it. But I also don’t like being hi. I’ve been using steady since December and I have chest pain every day but still I don’t stop. Yesterday I had a heart cath done and they placed a stent. I stopped using for a week before the procedure. Now I’m home and have relapsed. I feel freaking terrible. What’s it going to take. I’m going to end up dying. I just don’t know wtf to do. I’m miserable either way. I pray and talk to god and I hope he lets me enter heaven when my time comes. I’m 41/female. Thank you for listening.