Sobriety challenge; 7 days. Who can do it?

[Working_Class]

What is your version of sobriety, and can you maintain it for a full 168 hours? I sure as hell know I'd be having a little bit of a struggle, but it's on my schedule of "experiments" for the near future. It's literally been so long since I had a full calender week sans drugs, I almost believe it would be novel in it's own right.


Personally, my use has been pretty regulated when using drugs, very seldom dosing heavily as that produces unwanted effects which detract from productivity and performance. I always take days off and rotate drug types, I write down my morning blood pressure readings and resting heart rate with the time and day, and then record any drugs with time of ingestion and quantity in the journal with follow up blood pressure about every 3 - 4 hours (bigger gaps if I'm out and about, like at school, work or social engagements).

If my readings are abnormal, I abstain. If my readings are reasonable, I may abstain or proceed with a dose which suits my mood and tasks for the day. My use is based around productivity and performance enhancement. Although I do acknowledge and recognize the psychological dependence that I've built with even just sporadic use of various drugs to help me through long "to do" lists of chores, training and academic endeavors at points throughout the week.

What is YOUR weekly or daily schedule like, what do you do to try to mitigate any harmful effects, and when is the last time you gave the ol meatbag a little dryout period? This query is meant to get the wheels of self analysis turning, so that anybody who decides to participate in the discussion can openly and honestly take a look at their relationship with psychoactive substances, be they powerful adulterants, mild nootropics, sedating benzos / hypnotics, marijuana, nicotine, or any other seemingly benign or habitual compounds.

 

[Xorkoth]

LAME!

jk

My usage fluctuates, sometimes I will abuse a lot of stuff, and sometimes I will remain relatively sober. As far as this 7 day challenge, I am just starting an iboga microdosing regimen today for a while so I don't know if that counts. I don't plan to consume any other substances, except I may trip with my bandmate on Thursday for his birthday.

 

[Working_Class]

I take days off (usually 2 - 3 days between stims / microdoses), but one thing I've definitely noticed is the all too convenient evening dosing of 2 - 0.5 mg of etizolam. I can sleep without it, but it's so fucking convenient. I always fall asleep within 60 mins of laying down when I take the shit, and for someone who has had insomnia since childhood, well, it's a godsend. None the less, I can recognize a pattern when I see it.

Stims help with overall motivation, but my use has definitely shifted to favor nootropics, of which many are baisically an interesting subcategory of stimulants in and of themselves. Bromantane is really up there on my list of interesting and A-typical psychostimulants as it seems to be a very mild stim in terms of background stimulation, but during training it really seems to help with motivation and endurance while not negatively affecting blood pressure / oxygen consumption. And peptides. They're like, light stims that can be taken regularly, like coffee, but minus the harsh adrenergic side effects that accompany traditional amphetamines / phenethlamines. But I do recognize the affinity for augmentation of baseline state of being.

One thing I have found a lot of is; after a satisfying experience, I don't really seem to have any desire for even that subtle level of change. It's like I need a couple days off of everything after one of those trips to just be slightly burnt out / integrate the experience and reflections of the experience. But just like 3 or 4 days tops (usually 2), then, it's game on as usual. Light psychostims, small microdoses sporadically, daily coffee, 1 mg of etizolam before bed etc. It's a tiptoe along my old habituation, with a lot more of the mindfulness about goings on physiologically. But somehow, I'm unsure if it's right.

Like, I don't know how normal people like my girlfriend live without this constant rotation of substances. They add so much color to my endeavors. She doesn't even need a coffee in the morning, she just has one because I make a French press with enough for one each and I kiss her on her way out the door as I study. It's impressive really, how there is people who function on just their own endogenous neurotransmitters.

I suppose I can kind of trace this habitual use back to my younger years when I was first put on ADHD medication. It's like that whole time of my life really reinforced that I need some kind of drug to make me feel different than I would normally. When I was younger even before all of the drugs I was kind of an insomniac and sort of depressed all the time anyways. It wasn't like I was ever really stable regardless of meds or no meds.

Having grown up a little bit and I've been through the ups and downs of life, I feel like I could take-it-or-leave-it nowadays. The stability of my mind is definitely a lot better than it had been in the past. But I prefer having access to and self-regulating light to moderate use. I feel like it makes me a lot more productive and creative.

The Iboga microdosing is actually pretty interesting, I've heard some things about it. If you could share your experience with it at the end, that would be pretty cool! I was really interested in it at about a year ago because I had heard that people would often use it to help them come to some kind of a Epiphany or conclusion, and satisfy something in them that would make them no longer have the desire to use drugs.

I experienced something very similar to this the second time I used to DMT with a friend and his GF. We were just drinking around the campfire and he had a little bit of waxy low-grade that we hit off of tinfoil, and it was incredibly satisfying even at doses around 10 mg. After that day, without really thinking about it, I reduced my alcohol consumption by probably two-thirds. I was drinking pretty heavy leading up to that time (daily a few tall boys), and it was just before I quit my job to start school. It was actually just before we started doing extractions ourselves (I think the experience prompted our extraction journey). Additionally, I think it changed something inside of me and it definitely made me a lot more critical of my relationship with drugs and why perhaps I was leaning so hard on them at the time. Psychedelics can really have a lasting positive impact on self analysis and behavior with just a single dose, whether or not that was the intended outcome. We just wanted to get fucked up and it was either xanex or DMT. Super glad we chose the waxy relic from the psychedelic shoebox.

 

[Xorkoth]

one thing I've definitely noticed is the all too convenient evening dosing of 2 - 0.5 mg of etizolam. I can sleep without it, but it's so fucking convenient. I always fall asleep within 60 mins of laying down when I take the shit, and for someone who has had insomnia since childhood, well, it's a godsend. None the less, I can recognize a pattern when I see it.

Yeah I have increasing trouble sleeping as I get older, and etizolam is a miracle drug, it lasts just the right amount of time and I will fall asleep effortlessly and wake up feeling good. I end up taking 1mg multiple times a week. Sometimes 2 days in a row, sometimes every other day, and I always take longer breaks of several days. Never had a dependence issue. I also use it in bigger dosages sometimes when I need to sleep after LSD or something else long and won't be able to at all. I don't use it recreationally though.

Like, I don't know how normal people like my girlfriend live without this constant rotation of substances. They add so much color to my endeavors. She doesn't even need a coffee in the morning, she just has one because I make a French press with enough for one each and I kiss her on her way out the door as I study. It's impressive really, how there is people who function on just their own endogenous neurotransmitters.

My girlfriend is the same way. She hardly wever does drug, we have tripped together 3 times. We used to smoke weed together sometimes but she doesn't like weed anymore (and I rarely smoke anymore either). She refuses to take anything else except caffeine sometimes. She used to drink sometimes but it fucks her stomach up now and she doesn't even miss it anymore. It's weird because she's depressed and has childhood PTSD, if it were me I'd be self medicating up a storm. But she will not even consider medication

The Iboga microdosing is actually pretty interesting, I've heard some things about it. If you could share your experience with it at the end, that would be pretty cool! I was really interested in it at about a year ago because I had heard that people would often use it to help them come to some kind of a Epiphany or conclusion, and satisfy something in them that would make them no longer have the desire to use drugs.

I'm keeping a log and am going to release it as a trip report after the whole thing is done. I want to culminate it in a visionary dose, maybe a third or a quarter the strength of a flood. I did a flood 6 years ago to get off opiates, changed my life.

 

[Cheshire_Kat]

No problem what so ever ...
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[Working_Class]

Interesting. I'm always fascinated when I meet people with similar habits, who are also fairly healthy, successful and intelligent. I guess bluelight is full of many individuals with similar lifestyles and personality traits. Been through the full on junkie life, out the other side, but still manage to use drugs without letting them become the monster they once were.

The analysis and documentation component seems to be of significance for many of us, and I suppose that would be the reason people of bluelight congregate here. Birds of a feather and all that jazz. It's cool, yall on here are good people and I'm genuinely happy to associate myself with the community. There is a lot of very talented and intelligent people that frequent these forums.


I guess as an offside topic I'd wanted to put up somewhere, just because it's been on my mind for quite some time;


I've been to a lot of NA meetings and they always say "If there was a successful way to use drugs, someone would come here and tell us all how to do it". NA never worked for me, it was full of very judgey people who like to assume they are holier than thou because they have X number of years clean or whatever. They're a bunch of squares, the meetings always had good messages and stories, but it was very cultish. Bluelight is full of success stories of junkies who have realized that moderate use works better for them than complete abstinence. There's also a large number of individuals who are and remain sober of their own accord, and that's not only an encouraging fact, I find it dually fascinating that people do get tired of drugs and for one reason or another, don't feel like riding that same ride again. I also feel like one day, I'll fall into that category of cool old guys who have stories without end, even at the age of 30, my use is on the steady decline, and it becomes more and more sparce as the intrigue fades into familiarity, which then fades into boredom.

If one were to attend an NA meeting and reveal the secret of moderation and reflection, you'd be ridiculed and pleaded with to come back and stay sober and pledge allegiance to the group etc etc. It's like a cult of depravity where by the whole belief system revolves around the first principle of NA, "We admitted we were powerless over drugs — that our lives had become unmanageable", and individuals rely heavily on the affirmation of others to help them manage their own inhibbitions externally. The power is absolutely removed from the individual, and a prerequisite for "recovery", is built on the philosophical standpoint from which the individual is a victim of circumstances, and had no power over themselves or their situation to begin with.

I feel like the affirmation that one is powerless, truly reinforces that very concept. To each their own, of course. There is no real point to this side thought, it is merely the ramblings of a man who believes the power of the individual is far greater than most people can conceptualize. Every one of us has a choice, the laws of attraction are a quantum bitch, and we all have the power to shape our own lives through discipline, actions and will.

Of course, there are things that occur that nobody can control, you're always responsible for how you interpret and react, practice makes perfect even when considering how we respond to things that drive us emotionally. I feel like the topic of addiction could be better approached by getting in touch with the parts of the mind that are typically reflexive and autonomic, as addiction seems to be an emotional response to stimulus that puts people in a state of emotional duress from which we desperately want to escape.

I'm guessing this is partly related to the main purpose of this thread, can we control ourselves for a period of time during which we run off of only the chemestry that exists inside us? What will we find? What could we learn or gain from even a short period of self discipline where we observe things from an unadulterated perspective. I wager that it could be an enriching experience, undoubtedly. And I also wager that tasting that first adulterant after a period of abstinence would perhaps be sweeter than it was previously, or it may have lost some of it's allure. But regardless of that, affirmation that you can go without would be gratifying none the less.

 

[Xorkoth]

I feel like the affirmation that one is powerless, truly reinforces that very concept.

This 100%. I think that for some people, it works, but most of the AA/NA types (especially AA) seem to talk about... AA. Daily reinforcing that you're an addict and that you're one tiny slip away from ruin does not give yourself the option of realizing that you do, in fact, have power over yourself. I'm not judging if AA/NA works for you, hell I've dealt with heavy addiction problems in my life. I still struggle with it, but I also live a fulfilled life I am happy with, and still use drugs. There are certain drugs I can't use, and I don't use those ones. Someone might say I'm playing with fire, but I like drugs, I like altering my consciousness, it's a part of who I am, and I'm okay with that.

I'm 36, with the exception of the past couple of years where I was dealing with some really heavy and painful stuff, my use has slowly been dwindling, too. I also hardly ever get really intoxicated anymore, I use drugs for day enhancement and the like rather than pounding myself off my face.

 

[thegreenhand]

This is a really cool idea that definitely sounds as if it'd be much harder than it originally sounds. Even just cutting out the daily caffeine would mess me up pretty good. Something I've been pondering lately is what makes a "drug addict"? Do they have to be dependent on one substance (or a class of them like benzos, for example) or is it simply losing control of your overall drug use? I am fascinated by the entheogenic properties of drugs and this has led me to using various substances simply to see what new experiences are out there that I can learn from. I truly do believe all drugs offer us opportunities for growth once we sober up whether it be acid, alcohol, or amphetamine. The tricky part is when one's drug use inevitably leads to impulsively seeking these transcendent experiences. My morning cup of tea is probably much more powerful and deserving of respect than I give it credit for. While I despise the term "psychonaut" as I only see it leading to drug (typically psychedelic) exceptionalism, exploring one's consciousness is one of life's greatest gifts and at least at this point in my life I don't think I could go even a week :/

 

[DopeM]

I've been on a bit of a binge lately but if I get to 7 days I usually take it to a month or two, (weird my laptops period button is broke dot dot dot) anyways I think tolerance breaks are good

are you studying to be a doctor or something?

not many ppl I know are as stringent with their routine as to take their blood pressure and heart rate so often, but it's certainly not a bad idea

I personally don't care much for coffee

Opana sounds like a much better way to start the day

short of that maybe a small dab, but lately THC has been throwing me off my game and I try to keep it to nightly use

My alcohol consumption is way down but I'm not sure I could go more than a month without a drink, and i'm a big fella (with a heavy past of alcohol abuse) so I usually need at least 3 to even catch a relax

@Xorkoth i too am interested in your iboga microdosing

I just misplaced the last of my LSD i'd been microdosing on and off with some success


I'd probably still be going to NA meetings if it wasn't for the hardline cunts who get all up in your shit if you admit to using

There are some real positives to working the steps, I just don't think that complete abstinence is appropriate

 

[CFC]

My alcohol consumption is way down

I've noticed - well done!

OP I usually take 7-8 days between binges (binge + recovery --> rinse-repeat), so this wouldn't be much of a challenge. More of a challenge would be 7 weeks. I've not managed that in some years now............... dot dot dot .... dot dot.... dot .... dot ... dot ....dot dot

 

[✿Dai₷y✿]

Does this include prescription meds as I can't see that being good to stop.

All these flouncy drugs with molecules in them seem very fun except elitozam which I disagree about being a miracle drug (unless you don't become a benzos rage seizure rage person ie cosmicg, droppers, etc).


I could stop drinking. Tried to cut back on smoking. Am on a self imposed break from methamphetamine, GHB and diazepam,

Don't see the real problem with this but can't stop effexor.

 

[Xorkoth]

I would think prescriptions wouldn't count. Also, etizolam is great for sleeping, if you're not a person who abuses benzos (like me, I don't like them for recreation), it's a great tool. A really close friend of mine fucked her life up on etizolam and ended up ODing and dying (on fentanyl) after becoming horrible to be around and driving everyone away from her.

 

[Working_Class]

I love all the responses! It's a good conversation to be a part of. Anyways I suppose the proposal if any, would be to maintain your best version of whatever sobriety is to you. Whether that be maintaining baseline pharmaceutical regimen prescribed from a doctor for meducal reasons, or just the bare minimum daily fixes that perhaps you just wouldn't do well to part with for a week.

I'm prescribed dexadrine, but I only take it occasionally for long study sessions. It's not critical that I take it. But say if you were prescribed a medication that keeps you functioning normally, and it would be deleterious to your overall well being to exclude it from your regimen, then continuing on that schedule still falls into the sober week category for sure.

I guess, your best version of sobriety. Whatever that means to you, just no superfluous indulgences for 7 days. The best that you can manage and sill go about your life. Maybe you'll make it on the first attempt, maybe you won't last 3 days. Still, the outcome says something about your relationship with indulgences, impulsivity and escapism nomatter what the outcome, successful or not.

And no, I'm not a doctor haha. But I am going to school to become a physical therapist. First stop is RMT college, it's a very good paying job and it relates to a lot of my interest. My background is steel stud framing, oilfield, power engineering and I'm in the middle of a career switch BECAUSE of my poor life choices in the past. I was too hard on my body and I saw where I was headed with competitive lifting, serious muscle tears and cartilage damage in all the worst spots, steroids, sex and recreational drugs. I started to develop Dyspnea at the latest point in my career and had been going hard for about 10 years with steroids and the lifestyle, with another 4 years of just drywalling with no mask on and dealing extacy all through ages 16 - 20. I took so much drugs at such a young age, and increased my consumption to just shocking levels of polypharmacy. My blood pressure was regularly between 140 - 160 / 90 - 60, for years. Sometimes worse, sometimes better, with hard work and training 6 days a week pretty steady for about 14 years. Then throw in occasional hard abuse, like IV meth and morphine, and the fentanyl 80's. I saw so many of my friends die in those years, I always wonder how I got so fucking lucky.

Long story short, I should totally be dead, but the whole journey through so many professional jobs and high level amateur strength sports has gained me some wisdom and experience in many realms. But I switched gears, quit steroids last March, and quit contracting in May to go to school, and change my career. And in doing so, the education has hugely overlapped with my prior knowledge of pharmacokinetics, training, physiology, etc.

It was baisically a move to conserve what health I have left, which is pretty decent considering. So that's where the blood pressure obsession comes from, and the lofty vocabulary. I read too much Pubmed and NCBI.

But steadily, I've just been learning by experience, reading, and practicing challenging every system in my body to take full advantage of the phenomenon of supercompensation by which the body adapts to a stimulus, and if you introduce another challenging stimulus at the correct interval, after letting the body heal from the damage of the previous stimulus, the body will again adapt to the challenge and so on. Going slowly like that works for a lot of principals of adaptation. And where this ties into the conversation I suppose, is in habitual discipline. Trying out something new, different, challenging yourself to something, whether it's the 7 days most of us would have an interesting time enduring, or the more challenging 7 weeks that was mentioned. Challenging yourself to attempt a sort of self discipline that could presumably have only positive consequences couldn't hurt.

Afterall, arguably one of the most useful mental tools that an individual can develop, is control of our impulses. I have to say, as someone who has spent most of their waking life medicated or on drugs to accomplish some change in perceived deficits, 7 days will be a challenge for me.

If I can keep it to 1 - 2 coffees a day for 7 whole days, I'd have to say that would be a rare week in my life.

 

[✿Dai₷y✿]

Well.. this is day 6 off drugs and last indulgence was if meth (got a mate to hit my vein as I fucked up so last time for me, easy decision).


I never saw benzos as recreational either and admittedly use them to aid meth use so give one up the other must go, can't hsve it both ways.

I'm scripted diazepam, dexies are a phone call away so can cheat anyway.

A week is fine, I don't smoke weed but quitting cigarettes would be bad.

Almost did it recs you but didn't make it.


I should be dead, in jail or homeless personally but keeping a job throughout was the one thing that meant life had routine. Without routine, any shit is possible and that's not a good thing generally.

 

[ghostandthedarknes]

i can quit cigarettes a month at a time but always start again. 30 days, no problems. Day 31 i always fuck up.

 

[Working_Class]

Well.. this is day 6 off drugs and last indulgence was if meth (got a mate to hit my vein as I fucked up so last time for me, easy

You'll be the first one to 7 days Tomorrow evening then! I'm considering starting Sunday. It's nice to have the first day devoid of obligations to let things adjust. Sleep will probably be tough.

And speed + benzos are a good combo. I remember popping a bunch of clonazepam while skipping puddles, and it was one of the more euphoric speedballs I've done. But I know the benzos are usually for sleeping. The elvis protocol (Elvis was hooked on prescription uppers and downers).

And tobacco is a tough one for sure. I had an easy time quitting because of all the lung damage I took. It just hurt to suck smoke, so it wasn't tough for me, it didn't feel satisfying or good anymore. Quitting / cutting down on marijuana has been tough since that's been a daily habit since age 13. In the last year I've gotten that down to only blazing when friends offer. When they give me a fat nug, it lasts for a month but every time I smoke the shit I get anxiety, but I continue to do it occasionally. It's a silly thing to do considering how it makes me feel. I guess I like being intoxicated more than I like being comfortable in my own head and skin sometimes I guess. Sativa agrees with me way more than indica.

 

[andyturbo]

I need beer when not stimulated. I have got my shard usage down to once every 4-5 weeks. I need alcohol though or else my anxiety+fried CNS start freaking me out. RLS is a bitch.

Effexor brain Zaps suck too. What a trap that has been. Sobriety scares me

 

[Stark]

laying down when I take the shit

How do you shit lying down

Like I get sitting to pee

but srsly

Anyway I'm generally a binge-break kind of user. I take coedine pretty much daily in Tylenol 1 or 3 form (or cold water extracted if I'm feeling particularly motivated) but that's actually for pain relief and has no real effect any more. Going without for a couple of days gets me all sleepless and sweaty and twitchy, of course, since I've been taking it for years, but nothing like getting off the oxys I didn't realize I was addicted to about 15 years ago. Been using a fairly large amount of cocaine recently, but that's as much a maintenance thing as the coedine; new job, ridiculously long hours, ridiculously big paycheques. Not really partying, more like, "key bumps to stay awake for the 1-2-hour drive to motel/home" after a 14 hour day, and a quick picker-upper in the morning to make up for only getting four hours' sleep. Recipe for burnout, I know, but it's a seasonal position with the opportunity to be hired full-time based on performance, and the full time gig is even sweeter. Definitely feeling my age, though. Almost feeling TLB's age, truth be told.

I still do the odd party drug, by which I mean anything I can get my hands on and whenever I have a spare 36 hours. The comedowns are way harder than they were when I was young, but the desire to push it farther into binge territory is much less, too. Not much for going out, either. Used to candyflip at pubs and bars just to test my ability to hide my buzz deep within normie territory, now I just can't be bothered to leave the house. Been going to concerts lately relatively sober, too, just a few beers and a mushroom stem to blunt the edges of reality a bit. Not sure I could have handled some of the shows I've been to over the past couple of years while high, honestly. Too intense, and a burgeoning social anxiety/agoraphobia seems to kick in when im pressed in by people.

I was sober for about 75% of last year. Mostly due to financial constraints. I tried edibles, but pot is not for me, in any form. I fucking hate it. No, I don't want to hear your sales pitch for some magical strain or another that's, like, totally chill, you fuckin hippy. This year, everything has changed for me, and the future is looking good, so drugs should return to life enhancement status rather than an escape.

i can quit cigarettes a month at a time but always start again. 30 days, no problems. Day 31 i always fuck up.

I made it nine months, then fell back into it.

Cold turkey, but with a week of those nicotine lozenges, 5/day first day, then 4/3/2/1/none. I used being completely broke and going on a three day trip with my dad (your classic ex-smoker-turned-self-righteous-agent-of-unecessarily-over-the-top-antismoking-propaganda) in a non-smoking car and non-smoking hotel rooms as the catalyst to quit. And it totally worked. But then the insta-anger over nothing didn't go away with the physical cravings. I flipped out for no reason. I felt stupid and slow and unfocused. I hated myself so much more than my usual inner voices generally coax me to do. So I started again, and we're back to normal. Nicotine is a hell of a drug.

 

[Xorkoth]

I'm on day 2 of iboga microdosing, feeling very good today. I've hit my vape once today, and found it rather undesirable. Don't plan to do any other drugs except... uh wait, tonight it's my bandmate's birthday and I think he wants to trip. So I might join him, we'll see.

Nicotine is so weird for me because I have never had ANY withdrawal from it, even in the past when I vaped high-strength vape juice 24/7. Even when I smoked a pack a day of cigs. I can quit, no physical issues whatsoever, no sleep problems, no anxiety, no agitation, no cloudy thoughts, no feeling like I want to crawl out of my skin (all stuff my buddy tells me happens when he even drops his nicotine level in his vape by 10%). The days off I actually feel way better, I take up to 2 weeks off sometimes. No idea why I'm immune to nicotine withdrawal. I'm mentally addicted as hell, I crave it frequently and strongly for a while when I quit. But for some reason I keep going bacj, even though I actually dislike the effect of it. The nicotine buzz itself feels shitty in my opinion. I just really like the action of smoking and when I'm drinking or just got done playing music I for some reason feel like I NEED it.

I got a vape again, I actually started smoking to quit my vape years ago because it was starting to make my lungs feel awful and I was using it nonstop all the time. Now I have a vape again to quit cigs. I intended on only using it on band days, like I was doing with cigs, but I've been using it throughout the day every day. Nicotine is the weirdest drug. Every other drug I like, I do because it gets me really high and is fun. Nicotine just makes me feel less good and satisfies an oral fixation. That's it.

I need beer when not stimulated.

I'm the opposite, I need beer when I AM stimulated.

 

[andyturbo]

I'm on day 2 of iboga microdosing, feeling very good today. I've hit my vape once today, and found it rather undesirable. Don't plan to do any other drugs except... uh wait, tonight it's my bandmate's birthday and I think he wants to trip. So I might join him, we'll see.

Nicotine is so weird for me because I have never had ANY withdrawal from it, even in the past when I vaped high-strength vape juice 24/7. Even when I smoked a pack a day of cigs. I can quit, no physical issues whatsoever, no sleep problems, no anxiety, no agitation, no cloudy thoughts, no feeling like I want to crawl out of my skin (all stuff my buddy tells me happens when he even drops his nicotine level in his vape by 10%). The days off I actually feel way better, I take up to 2 weeks off sometimes. No idea why I'm immune to nicotine withdrawal. I'm mentally addicted as hell, I crave it frequently and strongly for a while when I quit. But for some reason I keep going bacj, even though I actually dislike the effect of it. The nicotine buzz itself feels shitty in my opinion. I just really like the action of smoking and when I'm drinking or just got done playing music I for some reason feel like I NEED it.

I got a vape again, I actually started smoking to quit my vape years ago because it was starting to make my lungs feel awful and I was using it nonstop all the time. Now I have a vape again to quit cigs. I intended on only using it on band days, like I was doing with cigs, but I've been using it throughout the day every day. Nicotine is the weirdest drug. Every other drug I like, I do because it gets me really high and is fun. Nicotine just makes me feel less good and satisfies an oral fixation. That's it.



I'm the opposite, I need beer when I AM stimulated.

Thats interesting. I completely loose my urge to have the nightly 6 pack as I do when sober. Maybe we are from opposite Constellations?