I don't know what to do. I buy an ounce every week or so. Smoke it all day every day. I'll run out and it'll take me a day or 3 to get another ounce.
Now, in those days with no weed I always find myself getting into shit. I feel almost like a madman. Like I am in some hormonal stupor unable to really regulate myself.
Now fortunately for me I do not really believe in physical violence so my outbursts or general menacing and provocative, confrontational, jester-like behavior all comes to the surface in words. However words are powerful, and I'm a very good speaker. I hurt people in these days. I'll say things I should keep to myself. I can't help myself though. Its almost like I lose control to regulate the shit that flies out my mouth.
There are other issues that come along with lack of weed. Insane appetite that never ends(weed suppresses my appetite greatly). Poor sleep quality. And mostly, my mind goes into hyper drive and cannot stop. I use weed to chill me out essentially - I am still pretty not chill, tbh, even while high. But off weed? My limits as to what seems like a good idea are pretty low.
I know I have some kind of ADD issue, it's hard for men my age to get help for that officially - we are all just trying to get cheap amphetamines apparently. Weed keeps me mostly in check, but also kills my motivation and general social abilities. However that's also kinda good, I'm less motivated to do crazy shit or interact with people I should probably avoid.
I guess it just scares me. Who I am sober is so intense. Like so fucking intense I don't even know who I am. I feel like if I went sober for a few weeks or months maybe, that I would end up in prison or dead. Not even joking I really think that's what would happen. But also this anti social, motivation killing buzz really gets in the way of making progress in life. I feel trapped.
I don't really know what I intend to get from this post I just guess I'm hoping people can chime in with experience or potential solutions or options worth exploring.
My gf will notice within 24hrs of me not having weed just based on how intense I get. She's never wrong. It's like I wake up a different person. Sometimes I worry she will realise its only stoned me that she loves. She hasn't said this to me but I just know, sober me can be quite a handful. She's never really known me sober in around 8 years.. Just a day or so every week or two.
I don't even like getting high anymore. I just like being chill again and stopping my mind racing. Stop the insane never ending hunger. Sleep well etc..
Now, in those days with no weed I always find myself getting into shit. I feel almost like a madman. Like I am in some hormonal stupor unable to really regulate myself.
Now fortunately for me I do not really believe in physical violence so my outbursts or general menacing and provocative, confrontational, jester-like behavior all comes to the surface in words. However words are powerful, and I'm a very good speaker. I hurt people in these days. I'll say things I should keep to myself. I can't help myself though. Its almost like I lose control to regulate the shit that flies out my mouth.
There are other issues that come along with lack of weed. Insane appetite that never ends(weed suppresses my appetite greatly). Poor sleep quality. And mostly, my mind goes into hyper drive and cannot stop. I use weed to chill me out essentially - I am still pretty not chill, tbh, even while high. But off weed? My limits as to what seems like a good idea are pretty low.
I know I have some kind of ADD issue, it's hard for men my age to get help for that officially - we are all just trying to get cheap amphetamines apparently. Weed keeps me mostly in check, but also kills my motivation and general social abilities. However that's also kinda good, I'm less motivated to do crazy shit or interact with people I should probably avoid.
I guess it just scares me. Who I am sober is so intense. Like so fucking intense I don't even know who I am. I feel like if I went sober for a few weeks or months maybe, that I would end up in prison or dead. Not even joking I really think that's what would happen. But also this anti social, motivation killing buzz really gets in the way of making progress in life. I feel trapped.
I don't really know what I intend to get from this post I just guess I'm hoping people can chime in with experience or potential solutions or options worth exploring.
My gf will notice within 24hrs of me not having weed just based on how intense I get. She's never wrong. It's like I wake up a different person. Sometimes I worry she will realise its only stoned me that she loves. She hasn't said this to me but I just know, sober me can be quite a handful. She's never really known me sober in around 8 years.. Just a day or so every week or two.
I don't even like getting high anymore. I just like being chill again and stopping my mind racing. Stop the insane never ending hunger. Sleep well etc..