Sober me is dangerous. Without daily weed I turn into a menace, am confrontational and can't resist interactions

[moonyham]

I don't know what to do. I buy an ounce every week or so. Smoke it all day every day. I'll run out and it'll take me a day or 3 to get another ounce.

Now, in those days with no weed I always find myself getting into shit. I feel almost like a madman. Like I am in some hormonal stupor unable to really regulate myself.

Now fortunately for me I do not really believe in physical violence so my outbursts or general menacing and provocative, confrontational, jester-like behavior all comes to the surface in words. However words are powerful, and I'm a very good speaker. I hurt people in these days. I'll say things I should keep to myself. I can't help myself though. Its almost like I lose control to regulate the shit that flies out my mouth.

There are other issues that come along with lack of weed. Insane appetite that never ends(weed suppresses my appetite greatly). Poor sleep quality. And mostly, my mind goes into hyper drive and cannot stop. I use weed to chill me out essentially - I am still pretty not chill, tbh, even while high. But off weed? My limits as to what seems like a good idea are pretty low.

I know I have some kind of ADD issue, it's hard for men my age to get help for that officially - we are all just trying to get cheap amphetamines apparently. Weed keeps me mostly in check, but also kills my motivation and general social abilities. However that's also kinda good, I'm less motivated to do crazy shit or interact with people I should probably avoid.

I guess it just scares me. Who I am sober is so intense. Like so fucking intense I don't even know who I am. I feel like if I went sober for a few weeks or months maybe, that I would end up in prison or dead. Not even joking I really think that's what would happen. But also this anti social, motivation killing buzz really gets in the way of making progress in life. I feel trapped.

I don't really know what I intend to get from this post I just guess I'm hoping people can chime in with experience or potential solutions or options worth exploring.

My gf will notice within 24hrs of me not having weed just based on how intense I get. She's never wrong. It's like I wake up a different person. Sometimes I worry she will realise its only stoned me that she loves. She hasn't said this to me but I just know, sober me can be quite a handful. She's never really known me sober in around 8 years.. Just a day or so every week or two.

I don't even like getting high anymore. I just like being chill again and stopping my mind racing. Stop the insane never ending hunger. Sleep well etc..

 

[somnilicious]

I used to get like this when I was a 24-7 smoker during my late teens and early 20's. I would smoke a lot more weed back then.

I then took a break for a little over 10yrs and when I came back to smoking I would never smoke more than about .5gram to gram in one day on my heavy days and only in the afternoon/evening, with lots of multi day, week long or even month long breaks.

I stopped getting the crazy bipolar, hormonal mood shifts when I changed my relationship with weed.

I suggest severely cutting down on the amount you smoke and trying to hold off smoking till evenings. At least begin decreasing the amount and frequency. I believe you will find it much more enjoyable and that the detrimental effects when lacking cannabis will decrease dramatically.

I definitely could identify at one time in my life though.

Edit: to say that at this particular time I haven't smoked in a year or so, so I can continue to receive my methadone takehome doses.

 

[neversickanymore]

You working out regularly moonyham?

 

[moonyham]

You working out regularly moonyham?

Na but that's probably a good idea. I walk my dog regularly and fuck most nights but that's about it. I hadn't really considered how my injury and lack of work for the last 6+ months has taken physically straining excercise out of my life(my job was extremely physical). Thanks for that comment.

 

[moonyham]

I used to get like this when I was a 24-7 smoker during my late teens and early 20's. I would smoke a lot more weed back then.

I then took a break for a little over 10yrs and when I came back to smoking I would never smoke more than about .5gram to gram in one day on my heavy days and only in the afternoon/evening, with lots of multi day, week long or even month long breaks.

I stopped getting the crazy bipolar, hormonal mood shifts when I changed my relationship with weed.

I suggest severely cutting down on the amount you smoke and trying to hold off smoking till evenings. At least begin decreasing the amount and frequency. I believe you will find it much more enjoyable and that the detrimental effects when lacking cannabis will decrease dramatically.

I definitely could identify at one time in my life though.

Edit: to say that at this particular time I haven't smoked in a year or so, so I can continue to receive my methadone takehome doses.

I really appreciate the words. My main struggle is I have no self control for weed. I can say no to anything - meth, heroin, coke. Weed though? Fuck I could be about to do the most important thing in my life and someone pulls a joint out id still smoke it.

I don't know why i find it so incredibly hard to not smoke it. I guess because I know how fucked up I am without it so feel it's more a med than a recreational drug.

 

[Jabberwocky]

I used to get like this when I was a 24-7 smoker during my late teens and early 20's. I would smoke a lot more weed back then.

I then took a break for a little over 10yrs and when I came back to smoking I would never smoke more than about .5gram to gram in one day on my heavy days and only in the afternoon/evening, with lots of multi day, week long or even month long breaks.

I stopped getting the crazy bipolar, hormonal mood shifts when I changed my relationship with weed.

I suggest severely cutting down on the amount you smoke and trying to hold off smoking till evenings. At least begin decreasing the amount and frequency. I believe you will find it much more enjoyable and that the detrimental effects when lacking cannabis will decrease dramatically.

I definitely could identify at one time in my life though.

Edit: to say that at this particular time I haven't smoked in a year or so, so I can continue to receive my methadone takehome doses.

Yeah, I don't see mention of any other actual daily drug use, maybe I read too fast. I'm concerned there is a lot more going on chemical-wise than just smoking a ton of weed. No mention of whether he's got a physical or talked with his doctor either.

 

[moonyham]

Yeah, I don't see mention of any other actual daily drug use, maybe I read too fast. I'm concerned there is a lot more going on chemical-wise than just smoking a ton of weed. No mention of whether he's got a physical or talked with his doctor either.

I just smoke weed, cigarettes and the odd acid trip. For the last few years anyway.

I too think there may be more going on. Tbh I fear talking to a doctor about anything because as soon as you have recreational drug user on your chart here you won't be getting fuck all help and all future needs for pain relief or mental health will be filtered through 'oh but we see here you are a druggie' (even though it's just weed).

I definitely don't feel right in general. But then I've been smoking sooooo much weed for so long.. Maybe it is just the weed..

 

[Pissed_and_messed]

I feel kinda same.

Addiction issues, insomnia, chronic pain, OCPD...

Weed is almost like wonder drug to my irritability and toxicity... Tho' there are not miracles, really.

But it is not that great always being constantly blazed, either. And there are some withdrawal symptoms upon cessation. And then again, I am more sane sober if I smoke infrequently compared to not at all.

Difficult it is.

 

[Mjäll]

This may be obvious but such a high consumption likely means your body has adjusted to it and your high self is actually closer to who you really are than your sober self. So that bit about your girlfriend, i'd let that slide out of my mind if i were you. She probably likes whatever version of you is feeling well, at whatever scale.

I never had those constant cravings so i don't know how hard it is but a good idea is probably to adjust to not being high all the time. Being high in the evening could be a good trade-off.

 

[mcflurry]

could be atypical depression. have you ever considered talking to a psychiatrist about this?

 

[bird.is.the.word]

I haven't read the other replies, so I'm probably going to repeat some shit but number one is you have to realize that weed withdrawals are super real but they don't last forever. I'm not saying you don't have ADD but addiction ultimately makes shit worse. Weed addiction is much better than alcoholism or crack addiction, but it is still an addiction. Addiction ruins the drug. It's beyond a cliche at this point, because it's true: moderation is key. I feel you 100% with the hassle getting a script. I'd love to get a script. I don't have ADD but I do have other issues and it helps me function. I also use it recreationally, but in moderation.

I've been experimenting recently with weed addiction.

I consumed daily. Then I started doing 5 days sober per week.

The other two days I consume roughly half an ounce.

The second week of doing this, I went through severe withdrawals during those 5 sober days. The first week wasn't as bad, for some reason. The third week was least of all and then nothing after that.

I wonder if three days a week, consuming a quarter ounce a day, would not result in addiction / withdrawal.

I'm not going to conduct that experiment - because I found my equilibrium - but you could.

It's tempting to smoke all the time - I've definitely been there - but I'd much rather get super baked on the weekend and enjoy some of life sober. Sobriety doesn't get easier if you hide away from it with drugs.

The vast majority of the time, what we're scared of is nothing to be scared of at all.