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Sober Living Social Thread

Captain.Heroin said:
I hate myself.
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Ouch. Sorry you're feeling this way. Plz don't hate yourself. You're an awesome dynamic person who has helped so many people and are wicked intelligent. Why so down, this isn't like you?
 
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Captain.Heroin said:
I hate myself.
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CH, that is such a terrible feeling. I do hope you can get out of that corner soon.

For what it's worth, I don't really know you, but to the extent I can, I like you very much...:) you're one of the most interesting, smartest and nicest people I've "met" on the Internet.

Be good to yourself. Peace.
 
simco said:
[MENTION=191140]VanWeyden[/MENTION], are you on oral naltrexone tabs, or did you go with the vivitrol shot? I'm interested in naltrexone and have been weighing the pros and cons of each of these.

in any case, congratulations!
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Simco - I've used both the pills and the shot and found the shot much more effective. They actually seemed like two different drugs which is strange as they are both naltrexone.

Vivitrol saved my life. It removed cravings and allowed me to get sober. I have over two years clean, and I'm not certain I would have been able to without it. Vivitrol also seemed to lower my anxiety. I didn't feel that with the pills. The shot is advertised as working for 30 days, but I found that it stayed in my body for round 40.

The cons of the shot are that it hurts, and the injection area will have a lump which reduces in size for about a month and a half. The area is sore for a week. About 20 minutes after getting the shot I would feel slightly disassociated, hot, and nauseous. It didn't last long - about an hour. I was on the shot for 8 months and my hips were lumpy and sore (felt like marbles under the skin) for four months after the last shot. You CANNOT cheat the shot, so be absolutely certain this is what you want when you get it. There is no changing your mind after you have it lol.

The pros of the pills are that you can quit at my time, and use and feel high within a few days. They're easier to get, and relatively inexpensive.

The cons of the pills are that they don't seem as strong as the shot, and I'm thinking there is a build up period for them to fully take effect. They don't stay long in your system - only a few days. I could really get sober with the pills. I never tried them clean, so I went through a vicious cycle of starting and stopping during the time when I was taking them. I wouldn't always remember to take them, and would use that as an excuse to stop for a few days so I could use. I keep several bottles in my closet as "insurance" as I lied to my GP so he would script the pills, even though I was getting the shot elsewhere, so I could amass a stockpile in case I ever needed them. I think the pill works much better if you already have some sober time as they're too easy to cheat.

If I think of anything else I'll let you know. I hope you can use this info. Good luck!
 
simco said:
CH, that is such a terrible feeling. I do hope you can get out of that corner soon.

For what it's worth, I don't really know you, but to the extent I can, I like you very much...:) you're one of the most interesting, smartest and nicest people I've "met" on the Internet.

Be good to yourself. Peace.
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Moreaux said:
Ouch. Sorry you're feeling this way. Plz don't hate yourself. You're an awesome dynamic person who has helped so many people and are wicked intelligent. Why so down, this isn't like you?
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I'm always like this, some days are just a lot better than others.

I can't handle being frustrated or angry with myself. It's just a lot to feel right now.

I'm also still having tons of nightmares. :|
 
I can understand the nightmares. I have them quite a bit myself, and I have had nightmares since I was a child. I now get up between three and four am due to stressful dreams. I had to quit the sleeping pills though. They had stopped working well.

CH: You are an awesome dude. You have helped me immensely in getting sober, and if there is anything that I can do for you just send me a text,
 
Going to an open mic stage today and while trying some new rhymes I just thought out that neurotransmitter is välittäjäaine in Finnish and in a slang välittäjä=drug dealer and aine=dope so välittäjäaine also means 'stuff that dealers have' and as drugs do act as or effect on neurotransmitters that statement is quite true so I am going to do a line or two out of that insight :)
 
Rhyming in Finnish must sound crazy...I've always been blown away by the gazillion vowels in Finnish words. Seems like that would sound really rhythmic if you gave it even half a try. Good luck with the open mic.
 
manboychef said:
I can understand the nightmares. I have them quite a bit myself, and I have had nightmares since I was a child. I now get up between three and four am due to stressful dreams. I had to quit the sleeping pills though. They had stopped working well.

CH: You are an awesome dude. You have helped me immensely in getting sober, and if there is anything that I can do for you just send me a text,
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Thanks man. I feel mentally better today but still sick (flu in May? :?), and I am stressed and not feeling up to all the things I need to physically do. :|

I had a bizarre nightmare shortly before waking up, I guess it isn't affecting me so badly today.
 
Captain.Heroin said:
Thanks man. I feel mentally better today but still sick (flu in May? :?), and I am stressed and not feeling up to all the things I need to physically do. :|

I had a bizarre nightmare shortly before waking up, I guess it isn't affecting me so badly today.
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Glad to hear you're feeling better mentally. I hate when I feel that way. I can't come up with anything comforting or useful to say to you, as you have made previous posts that I have wanted to respond to and I think it's because I view you as a mentor. I have lurked on this site for years off and on when I was struggling, and many of your posts really resonated with me and helped me ultimately get healthy. You have such a vast accumulation of knowledge that I feel like you would already be aware of anything I could recommend lol.

As for your nightmares, try to stand up to them if you can. I don't get them frequently now, but I used to have a horrible reoccurring one that would leave me awake for the rest of the night and leave me fearful and anxious the next day. After years I finally decided to focus on it, and when I would have it and wake up, I would take a Xanax and trazodone to knock myself out, but as I was falling asleep I would force myself to go back to the nightmare and face it, try to force it to ply out differently. Of course the next time I had the dream it initially played out the same, but the more I did this the nightmare would change slightly, and I would have just a little more power in the dream. The nightmare began reducing in frequency. Eventually I had it one night and had enough power in the dream to walk away. I haven't had it since that night. I speak in generalities to spare you the details of the dream, but I think the main message was conveyed.
 
In a land of dope and gory
We end up bored and dusty
Like pharmaceutical industry
Random kicks
may end up to
permanent fix's
Break out - take a booze
Says a guy on a loose
Nothing changes your looks
Than being wasted like a goose
You end up doing it for others
Instead growing your concerns
You drink on concerts
How you act and you talk?
How's your facts and your calls?
You decide it
Once you've made up your mind
Don't let others break up your binge
Won't take other than you
To live with a view
It's systematical savings
Like dysphyrical makings
For your eyes only
Whether to stay sober and hopely
One day you'll find it
The thing that makes it
Feel our lives more than surviving


Ended up spewing some rhymes in English too.
Going to check out some local neo grunge & punk bands too.
 
MrRoot said:
In a land of dope and gory
We end up bored and dusty
Like pharmaceutical industry
Random kicks
may end up to
permanent fix's
Break out - take a booze
Says a guy on a loose
Nothing changes your looks
Than being wasted like a goose
You end up doing it for others
Instead growing your concerns
You drink on concerts
How you act and you talk?
How's your facts and your calls?
You decide it
Once you've made up your mind
Don't let others break up your binge
Won't take other than you
To live with a view
It's systematical savings
Like dysphyrical makings
For your eyes only
Whether to stay sober and hopely
One day you'll find it
The thing that makes it
Feel our lives more than surviving


Ended up spewing some rhymes in English too.
Going to check out some local neo grunge & punk bands too.
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Thanks for sharing, but you should really go post this in Words, and link us up instead. ;)

Glad you had a great time, but share with the Words community too! <3
 
Thats pretty good. I rhyme too. Since 1988. Back when it wasnt cool for a white boy to rap. Man have things changed. Its funny, i probably jotted a line or two in the the 20 years i drank and since i sobered up ive written dozens of songs. I play guitar too so im looking for a phycadelic guitar driven hip hop. I got so many ideas it drives me mad. I find writing lyrics and playing guitar or hell even just listening to music is theraputic for me. I have the time cause im on disability and dont have a social life so im a perfect music making machine. I just dont have the right equipment but i gotta mic and a guitar and thats all i need. Theres a song called Guaruntees by Atmosphere. Thats kinda how i sound. Youre braver than me man. I would never post lyrics. When i did it in school i got really good. Won some battles and would write in class but then alcohol got me and that replaced music as my number 1 passion. Do any of you ever think about the time you wasted drinking and how things would be so different if it werent for booze. It never bothered me being around it but nowadays i hate seeing it or smelling it or whatever. My landladys bf is an active alcoholic. He sobered up and lived in a halfway house for 2 years and fell off and now comes over here drunk saying horrible nasty things to her and you know, i hate being in this enviornment but maybe my higher power put me here for a reason. I get a little taste of what i used to be like and that just strengthens my sobriety 100 fold. So im a rapping recovering alcoholic who lives in the oppisite of a halfway house. People ask how i do it. How do i live here with booze and pain pills floating around and i dont go to meetings anymore and i say, i pay attention. Everytime he comes cussing or i have to move one of his beers to get my gatorade i pay attention to the lesson trying to be taught to me. Triggers for relapse do not exist in my mind bc im secure in my sobriety. I wasnt before and i would relapse over and over again. God is teaching me im just a slow learner. And moderation, thats for normal people. Alcoholics cannot moderate ever. Its been proven since 1939 when Alcoholics Anoynomous came out and the world was introduced to the world of the alcoholic. Every alcoholic attempts to moderate dozens of times with no success bc we have an allergy to alcoholic. Like the book says if youre not sure if you are or not go down to the local bar. Your answer is in there. Anyway, CH good luck with your nightmares. I have horrific ones that are so vivid its really scary. If i wake up from one no more sleeping that night. Moreaux had some good advice. Stand up to them. I should too. Go back to sleep after one and stop running from whatever chases me and fight it. Easier said than done. Good luck bro. Youve helped so many people out here you deserve peace bro. If you ever need anything let me know. Im out
 
Ill check them out. I like some trip hop. My stuff isnt as ambient as a lot of that. I have some crunch on my guitars but i def like listening to it. Its better than most of the crap out. Except underground stuff. That i love but i never listen to the radio. Thanks for the tip
 
Closeau, thanks. Too bad you live in the states as if you would be closer I would definately want to have a session with you. I am into psychedelic music into myself too. I use an old Roland MC-909 to build beats and to add other trippy sounds. I also do play bass.



I did all the backgrounds for this with that mc-909
 
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