Sober 5 years and thinking about throwing it away...........

[chucky1432]

What drug where you addicted to if you don't mind me asking?

Pretty much whatever was around and plentiful, that became my DOC.

 

[Jabberwocky]

I strongly suggest you consider stuff like spending time doing fun, "pointless" leisure time type activities as the core of your new self care program, as opposed to stuff you have to force yourself to do that you might otherwise consider closure to work. Running very well may be self care for you, as may be going to the gym. I only suggest you mix it up, and try devoting a tad more effort to stuff you do for yourself even if it isnt about accomplishing a tabgible, material goal. Like reading a book for pleasure as opposed to reading for school, even though both can be fun reading for pleasure is still very different.

 

[SunSpot]

I didn't drink, I took everyone's advice and poured it down the drain.!

Hi Chucky, that is very inspiring! What you're feeling is apparently pretty normal, read somewhere that people always relapse around major milestones like 1 year clean, 2 years, 5 10 etc. Don't do it! I'm a bit closer time-wise to the chemical lifestyle than you and vividly, viscerally remember how much it sucks. Just wrote up a list of all the stupid stuff I put my body and mind through, as well as the pros and cons of each. It's clear which side wins!! Judging by your DUIs etc you will be no different. Cool that you do ultra-marathons btw; met a bunch of folks while traveling recently who did this days-long running/biking/waterfall rapelling/kayaking race through costa rica. It looked like fun, and they didn't pay too much either.

 

[manboychef]

Hi Chucky, that is very inspiring! What you're feeling is apparently pretty normal, read somewhere that people always relapse around major milestones like 1 year clean, 2 years, 5 10 etc. Don't do it! I'm a bit closer time-wise to the chemical lifestyle than you and vividly, viscerally remember how much it sucks. Just wrote up a list of all the stupid stuff I put my body and mind through, as well as the pros and cons of each. It's clear which side wins!! Judging by your DUIs etc you will be no different. Cool that you do ultra-marathons btw; met a bunch of folks while traveling recently who did this days-long running/biking/waterfall rapelling/kayaking race through costa rica. It looked like fun, and they didn't pay too much either.

There are three steps in the 12step model that I actually think are worth anything. Step Four is one of them. Making a list of past transgressions that you did, or had done to you and what role you played in them is incredibly important.

 

[chucky1432]

Felt like signing into the Bluelight haven't really been here since I posted this thread. Well I threw my sobriety away and things didn't go terrible, but they weren't great either. Anyway, after a few years of drinking, doing coke, got hooked on Kratom, and a host of other things, I'm now back with 1 yr sobriety. Which I hit this past November. What can I say, sobriety is s journey not a destination and this has definitely been a journey. Some updates that happened to me, I did graduate with my PhD in 2018, I opened my own practice on the side which has been incredibly rewarding and I've been writing articles and doing presentations. It's been good, but if I kept drinking I wouldn't have been able to continue doing these things. Drinking absolutely changes me into a different person. I don't know why, I don't know what's up with that substance, but it absolutely does not like me. LOL So I'll just stay the course and away from drinking, "One Day at a Time."

 

[RDP89]

Congratulations on one year! I'm glad to hear that the use didn't derail your life and that you are doing well.

 

[TheGame985]

Felt like signing into the Bluelight haven't really been here since I posted this thread. Well I threw my sobriety away and things didn't go terrible, but they weren't great either. Anyway, after a few years of drinking, doing coke, got hooked on Kratom, and a host of other things, I'm now back with 1 yr sobriety. Which I hit this past November. What can I say, sobriety is s journey not a destination and this has definitely been a journey. Some updates that happened to me, I did graduate with my PhD in 2018, I opened my own practice on the side which has been incredibly rewarding and I've been writing articles and doing presentations. It's been good, but if I kept drinking I wouldn't have been able to continue doing these things. Drinking absolutely changes me into a different person. I don't know why, I don't know what's up with that substance, but it absolutely does not like me. LOL So I'll just stay the course and away from drinking, "One Day at a Time."

I'm thinking about going for my PhD (mine would be criminal justice) how much roughly is it going to cost? I found a program that will essentially be free and it's a good university and well known but it also only accepts 5% of applicants.