Hey guys, as a lot of you on here know by my previous posts, since April I've been suffering from a hellish LTC that's included Dr/dp, brain fog, fatigue, muscle twitches etc. I have been very slowly and steadily improving, but last night I messed up real bad and I thought I'd share my experiences.
I just got a new job that was perfect for me (part time because of the fatigue) and although life is hard I was in a good mood as I'd just done my first day and it went really well. My ex (on and off) had some hash oil he got from america, said it was a much cleaner high because it's just vapour and less likely to induce anxiety attacks, and like a fucking idiot I decided to try some, even though last time I smoked weed back in February I had a massive panic attack. I think I was just feeling quite good and wanted to relax, I was pleased with my progress and how much I've been staying off blue light and moving forward with life and I felt like I should cut myself a bit of slack
Anyway so I had the tiniest amount and it didn't really do anything, so I had another, again small, amount. This time I started to cough, which my ex had told me not to do because it's hot vapour. Once I started I couldn't stop, and I think it was a mixture of choking and losing oxygen, having a panic attack because I was choking, plus being high that caused the events that followed. I went into what I can only describe as a full blown psychotic episode. Once I stopped coughing I looked up at my ex and suddenly started getting this falling sensation like I was passing out. I then realised that this feeling kept repeating, like I was constantly falling/swaying. My ex tried to speak to me and his words sounded distant and they kept repeating and echoing like a broken record and his movements were jerky and weird. It would stop for like almost a split second and I'd think I'd got a grip on reality and then it would start again.
So at this point I started getting paranoid delusions, I thought that when I was choking what had happened is I had actually passed out and was either dying or in a coma, because everything was so trippy and weird I was convinced it wasn't real. I started screaming at the top of my lungs because it wouldn't stop and when my ex tried to phone an ambulance I tried to smash a glass over his head (I missed, thank god) and I just ran out into the street half naked screaming like an utter loon. For some reason I ran to the train station, because I became convinced that my ex represented death and if he caught me and took me back home that was actually me dying in '''"'real life'''''. I then tried to kill myself by jumping onto the train tracks because I thought it would take me out of the ''''coma'''' and luckily someone had called the police, who took me to the hospital. The delusions carried on for about four hours after I got to the hospital, at one point one of the nurses faces even morphed into someone else right in front of me, reaaaaal scary hallucinations. Then about 4am the drugs wore off and I just snapped out of it.
Unfortunately for me I can remember everything that I said and did, which is why I'm on here because currently I'm in shock and wanted to share my experiences, the Dr/dp is worse atm in the sense that everything lags behind a frame or two which is slightly weird but this was SEVERE during the episode (as i said i was essentially tripping balls) so I was expecting some residual effects, this has gotten a bit better though already as I didn't freak out today after noticing it was worse, seeing as I already have Dr/dp. I also have some diazepam with me which has been a fucking life saver because as I said i'm in utter shock and obviously quite unsettled at the idea of losing touch with reality like that, as well as the embarrassment and shame I feel for endangering myself and another persons life. Even with Dr/dp making nothing seem real I've always been pretty 'grounded' in the sense that I'm very self aware of what's real and what isn't.
Like I said I'm pretty upset about the whole experience, I was diagnosed with 'cannabis induced psychosis' in the hospital which I've never heard about before, let alone experience.
As I said I'm not looking for sympathy or anything because it was my fault and thankfully I snapped out of it, because for a very dark while I didn't think I would. Hopefully the Dr/dp will settle down even more once the drugs are fully out of my system
I just got a new job that was perfect for me (part time because of the fatigue) and although life is hard I was in a good mood as I'd just done my first day and it went really well. My ex (on and off) had some hash oil he got from america, said it was a much cleaner high because it's just vapour and less likely to induce anxiety attacks, and like a fucking idiot I decided to try some, even though last time I smoked weed back in February I had a massive panic attack. I think I was just feeling quite good and wanted to relax, I was pleased with my progress and how much I've been staying off blue light and moving forward with life and I felt like I should cut myself a bit of slack
Anyway so I had the tiniest amount and it didn't really do anything, so I had another, again small, amount. This time I started to cough, which my ex had told me not to do because it's hot vapour. Once I started I couldn't stop, and I think it was a mixture of choking and losing oxygen, having a panic attack because I was choking, plus being high that caused the events that followed. I went into what I can only describe as a full blown psychotic episode. Once I stopped coughing I looked up at my ex and suddenly started getting this falling sensation like I was passing out. I then realised that this feeling kept repeating, like I was constantly falling/swaying. My ex tried to speak to me and his words sounded distant and they kept repeating and echoing like a broken record and his movements were jerky and weird. It would stop for like almost a split second and I'd think I'd got a grip on reality and then it would start again.
So at this point I started getting paranoid delusions, I thought that when I was choking what had happened is I had actually passed out and was either dying or in a coma, because everything was so trippy and weird I was convinced it wasn't real. I started screaming at the top of my lungs because it wouldn't stop and when my ex tried to phone an ambulance I tried to smash a glass over his head (I missed, thank god) and I just ran out into the street half naked screaming like an utter loon. For some reason I ran to the train station, because I became convinced that my ex represented death and if he caught me and took me back home that was actually me dying in '''"'real life'''''. I then tried to kill myself by jumping onto the train tracks because I thought it would take me out of the ''''coma'''' and luckily someone had called the police, who took me to the hospital. The delusions carried on for about four hours after I got to the hospital, at one point one of the nurses faces even morphed into someone else right in front of me, reaaaaal scary hallucinations. Then about 4am the drugs wore off and I just snapped out of it.
Unfortunately for me I can remember everything that I said and did, which is why I'm on here because currently I'm in shock and wanted to share my experiences, the Dr/dp is worse atm in the sense that everything lags behind a frame or two which is slightly weird but this was SEVERE during the episode (as i said i was essentially tripping balls) so I was expecting some residual effects, this has gotten a bit better though already as I didn't freak out today after noticing it was worse, seeing as I already have Dr/dp. I also have some diazepam with me which has been a fucking life saver because as I said i'm in utter shock and obviously quite unsettled at the idea of losing touch with reality like that, as well as the embarrassment and shame I feel for endangering myself and another persons life. Even with Dr/dp making nothing seem real I've always been pretty 'grounded' in the sense that I'm very self aware of what's real and what isn't.
Like I said I'm pretty upset about the whole experience, I was diagnosed with 'cannabis induced psychosis' in the hospital which I've never heard about before, let alone experience.
As I said I'm not looking for sympathy or anything because it was my fault and thankfully I snapped out of it, because for a very dark while I didn't think I would. Hopefully the Dr/dp will settle down even more once the drugs are fully out of my system
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
). 
