S
SobRecNYC
Guest
Hi Everyone. Not so long ago, I found out my boyfriend was an addict -- he went from Oxycodone to IV heroin. Since, I have read and researched addiction and, in the process, discovered this site. I found it to be very helpful and the members to be very candid and honest and so I am reaching out to get some understanding of a very difficult time for me.
My now ex-boyfriend has been "sober" and on Suboxone for nearly six months now. He relapsed and lied about it to me three times before this time. He seems to be doing well -- working out, going to school, etc.; though he is very moody and mean...far from the empathic, sensitive man I once knew. I was concerned that he started smoking weed, drinking a bit and got a prescription for Klonipin since starting this recovery process -- not my definition of sober, but...
I have struggled with being second to his recovery, but feel I have been pretty amazing and supportive about it overall. Occasionally, I would ask him if he could consider me a bit more...even just see each other a few minutes a week (he lives half a block away). He would get so angry and tell me he couldn't handle that pressure in recovery, especially while tapering off of Suboxone (he started at 24mg and is now down to 1.0mg). The more I cried, the more angry he got -- again, not the man I met (he tells me its due to the Suboxone taper).
Well, he finally told me he wanted a break, which after a discussion, became more of a breakup. I was so sad and hurt and he seemed unaffected. He was ALWAYS begging me to make it work and now I feel blindsided...he is giving up so easily and says he can't worry about me while trying to get better. Sad as it is to admit, I don't even demand much from him, which is why I find it hard to reconcile his reasoning. We haven't had any form of physical intimacy in over a year and a half, we see each other on average for an hour or two every two weeks -- I accepted this shell of a relationship so he could get better and self-focus because I wanted nothing more than for him to be better and also knew we couldn't be healthy if he didn't get healthy.
When we had our break-up talk, he admitted to me he had relapsed on heroin one month into recovery and also got beyond drunk and did cocaine a few weeks ago. This is so odd, because drinking, weed and cocaine were never things he had a remote interest in throughout our relationship. It made me so upset on many levels, but mostly because the only thing I asked from him when he begged me to give him another chance was to be honest with me about any relapses. I felt he told me now because it was over and he had nothing to lose. He swears that's it, but seemed uneasy when I asked if there was anything else he wanted to tell me. It is probably naive, but I believe him. I can't imagine he can function as highly as he does (training 25 hours a week for an MMA fight), going to school full-time and take Suboxone and be using heroin...is that possible? On the other hand, every time I suspected he was about to relapse or had relapsed, I was right...
I am so sad. I can't even function and feel like it just doesn't make sense. I know everyone is going to tell me not to try to understand it and to take care of myself. The thing is, how does someone go from fighting tooth and nail to save a relationship just a month ago to this? Also, when we run into each other on the street, he greets me like a boyfriend -- affectionately with kisses and hugs and won't "let" me just say "hi" and leave. He tells me he loves me and would rather us not see other people for now, but also knows that isn't fair to expect from me. He just keeps saying he can't worry about me while he is trying to get better. My gut tells me that he just wants to keep me at arms length so that he doesn't have to "answer" to me if he has relapsed or does relapse. Is this far-fetched? Also, can someone really be so highly functional and working out so hard (boxing, jiu-jitsu, cross-fit and MMA training 5 days per week) if they are on heroin? Can they even get high on heroin when taking Suboxone at a low dose? Is the Suboxone playing any part? I just feel like if he hasn't relapsed already, he is "circling" -- the cocaine, the drinking, the weed...and then the lying about it...it just doesn't scream "recovery" to me.
I am just hurt and confused and would love to hear from those who have been through this and also addicts who have insight on how they felt about loved ones when they were recovering or relapsing. Thank you all for listening.
My now ex-boyfriend has been "sober" and on Suboxone for nearly six months now. He relapsed and lied about it to me three times before this time. He seems to be doing well -- working out, going to school, etc.; though he is very moody and mean...far from the empathic, sensitive man I once knew. I was concerned that he started smoking weed, drinking a bit and got a prescription for Klonipin since starting this recovery process -- not my definition of sober, but...
I have struggled with being second to his recovery, but feel I have been pretty amazing and supportive about it overall. Occasionally, I would ask him if he could consider me a bit more...even just see each other a few minutes a week (he lives half a block away). He would get so angry and tell me he couldn't handle that pressure in recovery, especially while tapering off of Suboxone (he started at 24mg and is now down to 1.0mg). The more I cried, the more angry he got -- again, not the man I met (he tells me its due to the Suboxone taper).
Well, he finally told me he wanted a break, which after a discussion, became more of a breakup. I was so sad and hurt and he seemed unaffected. He was ALWAYS begging me to make it work and now I feel blindsided...he is giving up so easily and says he can't worry about me while trying to get better. Sad as it is to admit, I don't even demand much from him, which is why I find it hard to reconcile his reasoning. We haven't had any form of physical intimacy in over a year and a half, we see each other on average for an hour or two every two weeks -- I accepted this shell of a relationship so he could get better and self-focus because I wanted nothing more than for him to be better and also knew we couldn't be healthy if he didn't get healthy.
When we had our break-up talk, he admitted to me he had relapsed on heroin one month into recovery and also got beyond drunk and did cocaine a few weeks ago. This is so odd, because drinking, weed and cocaine were never things he had a remote interest in throughout our relationship. It made me so upset on many levels, but mostly because the only thing I asked from him when he begged me to give him another chance was to be honest with me about any relapses. I felt he told me now because it was over and he had nothing to lose. He swears that's it, but seemed uneasy when I asked if there was anything else he wanted to tell me. It is probably naive, but I believe him. I can't imagine he can function as highly as he does (training 25 hours a week for an MMA fight), going to school full-time and take Suboxone and be using heroin...is that possible? On the other hand, every time I suspected he was about to relapse or had relapsed, I was right...
I am so sad. I can't even function and feel like it just doesn't make sense. I know everyone is going to tell me not to try to understand it and to take care of myself. The thing is, how does someone go from fighting tooth and nail to save a relationship just a month ago to this? Also, when we run into each other on the street, he greets me like a boyfriend -- affectionately with kisses and hugs and won't "let" me just say "hi" and leave. He tells me he loves me and would rather us not see other people for now, but also knows that isn't fair to expect from me. He just keeps saying he can't worry about me while he is trying to get better. My gut tells me that he just wants to keep me at arms length so that he doesn't have to "answer" to me if he has relapsed or does relapse. Is this far-fetched? Also, can someone really be so highly functional and working out so hard (boxing, jiu-jitsu, cross-fit and MMA training 5 days per week) if they are on heroin? Can they even get high on heroin when taking Suboxone at a low dose? Is the Suboxone playing any part? I just feel like if he hasn't relapsed already, he is "circling" -- the cocaine, the drinking, the weed...and then the lying about it...it just doesn't scream "recovery" to me.
I am just hurt and confused and would love to hear from those who have been through this and also addicts who have insight on how they felt about loved ones when they were recovering or relapsing. Thank you all for listening.
