Metamphnethylamine
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Aug 18, 2015
- Messages
- 10
Crystal sunshine like my lightswitch in the morning
Wake my game up and escape
Its caustic nature tore me away from my identity
Mentally I am my own worst enemy
I destroy any resemblance of a friend to me
So fittingly
I'm lonely...and I lock myself away
just to get to know me
To just
Really try and understand myself
But there's nothing left inside
From all this white smoke I exhale
Particulate poisons grasp my memories and erode them
Such heavenly destruction of memories once cherished
So too, what little remains shall parish
Like a by-stander I watched it all slip away
Every panicked step I took forward pushed her farther back the way we came
Guaranteeing any sense of our future was out a range
Despite she still heard me as I cried out "wait"
Listening to her footsteps slowly fade
I destroyed the only masterpiece I could create
I effectively spiraled down another path once she exited the stage
I took what little life I had left in me
And hit delete before my screen could read saving complete
Like my mental programming lay corrupted and forever out of reach
I smoke a cigarette in memory of her
Tortured by her presence in my dreams
Every day becomes more of a blur
Still I cling to the hurt and inhale my addict disease
Unsure, but to be, was once my life's meaning
Before she kicked it to the curb
And left it in the dirt
I stood sobbing in place as heaven left my presence on this earth
I forsake my self-worth
Drop glass in the bulb and turn
Goddamn everything but the supply of pure
Dopaminergic hijacking and now
the re-wiring is all I've learned
I despise my existence
My righteous self hatred and wishing
My despicable decisions and my mentality forever missing that last chance I had to be happy
So when crystal goes away
and sunshine won't make me feel ok
There's a projectile in a chamber
Aiming at my brain
Blow my fuckin brains out spinning crystal and champagne
As I say her name
Bang
Such bittersweet perfection in my life's last movie frame
Much needed reflection from a place in heaven's reign
Goodbye my love
I'll see you soon
My heaven will be our room
Our private space
The feeling as I kissed her face
The true love as real as fate
Such a shame as faith breaks
Time to grab another bag of stigmatized evil
I am nothing
Blinded
No, it's not real
I am failure
Broken
Simply this just feels surreal
My words are all I have and words can never heal
Nothing is as fake as the characters I play
Ego protection is my objective every day
Any other honeys like staying up for 10 days straight?
Fuck sleep and eating
Am I even alive anymore?
there's no meaning
No reflection in the mirror and
No sound when I'm screaming
I'm dilated pupil, heart racing
I'm on a journey to my sanity's point of breaking
I'm OD an hour ago and still shaking
Forever waiting
Poor excuse describes this place
Merely pitiful attempts at maintaining
So hate me while you still have the chance
For my soul slowly dwindles away unsure if I'm ever coming back
Such sweet memories lay in the bitter dust of days passed
I got a hole in my heart and
I'm tired of always sewing in a new patch
So I guess now you can see right through me
Like emptiness is all I really have
Well I do have this one true feeling
As each day fades
Shadows grow darker while
I grow sadder
Cause in the end what once was everything in the world
No longer even matters
Wake my game up and escape
Its caustic nature tore me away from my identity
Mentally I am my own worst enemy
I destroy any resemblance of a friend to me
So fittingly
I'm lonely...and I lock myself away
just to get to know me
To just
Really try and understand myself
But there's nothing left inside
From all this white smoke I exhale
Particulate poisons grasp my memories and erode them
Such heavenly destruction of memories once cherished
So too, what little remains shall parish
Like a by-stander I watched it all slip away
Every panicked step I took forward pushed her farther back the way we came
Guaranteeing any sense of our future was out a range
Despite she still heard me as I cried out "wait"
Listening to her footsteps slowly fade
I destroyed the only masterpiece I could create
I effectively spiraled down another path once she exited the stage
I took what little life I had left in me
And hit delete before my screen could read saving complete
Like my mental programming lay corrupted and forever out of reach
I smoke a cigarette in memory of her
Tortured by her presence in my dreams
Every day becomes more of a blur
Still I cling to the hurt and inhale my addict disease
Unsure, but to be, was once my life's meaning
Before she kicked it to the curb
And left it in the dirt
I stood sobbing in place as heaven left my presence on this earth
I forsake my self-worth
Drop glass in the bulb and turn
Goddamn everything but the supply of pure
Dopaminergic hijacking and now
the re-wiring is all I've learned
I despise my existence
My righteous self hatred and wishing
My despicable decisions and my mentality forever missing that last chance I had to be happy
So when crystal goes away
and sunshine won't make me feel ok
There's a projectile in a chamber
Aiming at my brain
Blow my fuckin brains out spinning crystal and champagne
As I say her name
Bang
Such bittersweet perfection in my life's last movie frame
Much needed reflection from a place in heaven's reign
Goodbye my love
I'll see you soon
My heaven will be our room
Our private space
The feeling as I kissed her face
The true love as real as fate
Such a shame as faith breaks
Time to grab another bag of stigmatized evil
I am nothing
Blinded
No, it's not real
I am failure
Broken
Simply this just feels surreal
My words are all I have and words can never heal
Nothing is as fake as the characters I play
Ego protection is my objective every day
Any other honeys like staying up for 10 days straight?
Fuck sleep and eating
Am I even alive anymore?
there's no meaning
No reflection in the mirror and
No sound when I'm screaming
I'm dilated pupil, heart racing
I'm on a journey to my sanity's point of breaking
I'm OD an hour ago and still shaking
Forever waiting
Poor excuse describes this place
Merely pitiful attempts at maintaining
So hate me while you still have the chance
For my soul slowly dwindles away unsure if I'm ever coming back
Such sweet memories lay in the bitter dust of days passed
I got a hole in my heart and
I'm tired of always sewing in a new patch
So I guess now you can see right through me
Like emptiness is all I really have
Well I do have this one true feeling
As each day fades
Shadows grow darker while
I grow sadder
Cause in the end what once was everything in the world
No longer even matters