Slowly but surley sucked me in

[Crackle pop]

Ugh so not only am I on my 3rd day of using smoking rocks spent my disability money spent my weed money that I smoke daily and I've been buy a bag of H bcoz im sick of bein wired waiting to come down with that dread real fear something bad is going to happen.
I'm fucked I've picked up sat n Sundays meth which means tomorrow I can ride the comedown in bed I find myself sleeping loads more for 2 to3 days after a session n sleep it off so that's my plan.
I had set rules I stuck to for months . Only use if your able to afford it with out going without something else. Never use two days in a row. And not to keep buying more when you run out. I've broken all three.
I'm down to my last £40 and have a important delivery white goods Monday thats 30 on delivery lol my own doin. I have asked the old man for a loan until pay day but this goes against every thing and after months n months stable on meth I've been smoking H for a smooth comedown.
With my illness iam my own worst nightmare ..... tomorrow's a new day I've gotta sort my head and stop for good . Dabbling always ALWAYS leads back to a relapse.

Just a rant I suppose guys ugh I hate myself

 

[falsifiedhypothesi]

Don't be too hard on yourself we've all been there. I hope you get through this man

 

[Crackle pop]

Don't be too hard on yourself we've all been there. I hope you get through this man

Thank you
Yeah I got through it . Wasn't easy but thanks to an old old friend and a local food bank as well as my on/off gf I was ok for food. Just had to seriously cut down to 1 spliff at night and less cigs a day . Zero crack just my prescription methadone.
Thank God for my TV I'd of no doubt broke and gone on a shoplifting spree to use of I had sold that. I'm now at the point no money no using simple as n I'll stay in get stoned eat n be lazy for weeks on end if needs be hahaha.
Hope you're well

 

[Keif' Richards]

@Crackle pop

You are talking to the A-Team of fucked-uped-ness. Our bond crosses the oceans and so does Meth now, apparently. That's a shame, cause Meth is pure evil, unlike my warm, friendly Heroin that has only ever wanted the best for me despite her shortcomings (a joke about being delusional).

For me to maintain stability, I can't even truly analyze the possiblity of buying and using drugs. If I even move from that thought to the craving, the craving becomes innocent, hypothetical planning. Could I do it? Can I get away with it? I could get by with a few less dollars this week etc. It's crazy, cause I spend so much of my free time talking to people about their drug use, but you gotta find that strength in your self. I'm just as big of a fuck up as anyone else.

My point is that I think the 'rules' system endgame is inevitably, unrestrained usage. It's a matter of time. We all know as addicts that drugs are no good for our lives. If we had true control, we wouldn't even be making rules, just like we don't plan to maybe put our hand on a stove for just a quick second, not a full five minutes.

My main point though is, we are always here for you dude. We are primarily an academic kind of forum, but that doesn't mean we don't have genuine love for our peers here. We all accept our shortcomings as people. When the sharks are circling, it's better to cling to the group then to be by yourself. The last thing I want when I'm getting high is to be interrupted by my real life, good or bad, espeically... people, but we are social creatures. It is not normal for a human to live in isolation. Alone in a room with our crack pipes is not the plan for us.

Hit me up anytime. Although I'm a legit celebrity on here, I've been told that I'm surprisingly down to Earth, compassionate and not terrible to look at or even fondle a little bit.

 

[Crackle pop]

@Crackle pop

You are talking to the A-Team of fucked-uped-ness. Our bond crosses the oceans and so does Meth now, apparently. That's a shame, cause Meth is pure evil, unlike my warm, friendly Heroin that has only ever wanted the best for me despite her shortcomings (a joke about being delusional).

For me to maintain stability, I can't even truly analyze the possiblity of buying and using drugs. If I even move from that thought to the craving, the craving becomes innocent, hypothetical planning. Could I do it? Can I get away with it? I could get by with a few less dollars this week etc. It's crazy, cause I spend so much of my free time talking to people about their drug use, but you gotta find that strength in your self. I'm just as big of a fuck up as anyone else.

My point is that I think the 'rules' system endgame is inevitably, unrestrained usage. It's a matter of time. We all know as addicts that drugs are no good for our lives. If we had true control, we wouldn't even be making rules, just like we don't plan to maybe put our hand on a stove for just a quick second, not a full five minutes.

My main point though is, we are always here for you dude. We are primarily an academic kind of forum, but that doesn't mean we don't have genuine love for our peers here. We all accept our shortcomings as people. When the sharks are circling, it's better to cling to the group then to be by yourself. The last thing I want when I'm getting high is to be interrupted by my real life, good or bad, espeically... people, but we are social creatures. It is not normal for a human to live in isolation. Alone in a room with our crack pipes is not the plan for us.

Hit me up anytime. Although I'm a legit celebrity on here, I've been told that I'm surprisingly down to Earth, compassionate and not terrible to look at or even fondle a little bit.

Thank you so much for taking the time to reach out to me you make alot of sense and it hit me hard reading that so thank you.
It is true us being social creatures and being alone weeks on end with my pipe really is a mind fuck I've even paid for ppls drugs in the past just for some company but I'd rather not be used now days if people want to be in my company they shouldn't want or need payment to do so!
I need to get into that way of thinking I'm down to my last 65 pound now after waking up and buying some more and I'll kick myself and hate me and my ways come tomorrow and it's my daughters 16th bday tomoz I've already gave her her gift an money but now am wasting it on drugs what if she or I need something in the next 10 days til paid again. It's a vicious cycle I really need to break before I'm dead I'm only ever one pipe away from death with my condition. I gotta be strong n not buy any more break the cycle so I have money to live on Til next Wednesday. I can do this.
Much appreciated mate means so much thank you