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Shut th hell up and leave me the hell alone, the fuck is wrong with you?

Captain.Heroin

Captain.Heroin

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Nov 3, 2008
Messages
94,868
Shut the hell up and leave me the hell alone, the fuck is wrong with you?

I scream, loud, violently
I scream to hear something
I scream to let go, just for a second
I cut myself because I need to feel something
I shove needles into my arms because I have felt too much
I curse your "God" because fuck your beliefs
I beg to die because I am tired of life
I abuse you because you abused me
I forgive you because you will never forgive me
I take the high road just so I don't have to talk to you
I fuck you because I am a whore
I FUCK YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE A WHORE
I jump to get two feet higher than you
I jerk my body away from yours because you are poison
I slap you because you ask for it
I sink deeper because you are an anchor
I insult you because you are mild and meek
I hate all people because love is for the weak
 
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Do not feel
Do not dwell on this life
Amoral God will grant you death and erase the memories of this consciousness.
Then will you materialize on another planet under a new Sun. Blesseth be Him for this gift of respawning.
Do whatever you want in this life.
Kill everyone. It does not matter.
Give in to your bloodlust. Bleed.
Destroy. Incite chaos. Kill everyone.
Bleed. Break them. Bones. Exposing flesh. Kill them.
Kill everyone. Bleed.


Kill ME
 
MissBehavin'_416 said:
Ouch CH

That was not beautiful. (no offense w)


God loves you(s).
Click to expand...

thank you miss <3 <3

I was going for the deepest of my dark thoughts

it was basically an open monologue I would say to my partner if I was truly pissed at him

it's the stuff I think but keep to myself

I'm not beautiful

I'm vile and ugly

beauty is in the eye of the beholder though; and in a sense, in terms of character development for my novel, my post is beautiful because it is so within the scope of degree of emotion, and ability for plot development/character development

thank you for sharing

but god is dead, according to some

god cannot love everyone, according to me

we are all greater than god on an individual basis, according to me (philosophically I believe I must be true)

but also as a pantheist we are a part of god

thank you for your words <3 <3
 
I scream, loud, violently
I scream to hear something
I scream to let go, just for a second
I cut myself because I need to feel something
I shove needles into my arms because I have felt too much
I curse your "God" because fuck your beliefs
I beg to die because I am tired of life
I abuse you because you abused me
I forgive you because you will never forgive me
I take the high road just so I don't have to talk to you
I fuck you because I am a whore
I FUCK YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE A WHORE
I jump to get two feet higher than you
I jerk my body away from yours because you are poison
I slap you because you ask for it
I sink deeper because you are an anchor
I insult you because you are mild and meek
I hate all people because love is for the weak
Click to expand...

^^^ THIS! ^^^ I absolutely FEEL and understand this. This is my life, my world, my feelings, my relationships to others right now. This is me.
 
Captain, you are not alone… You express it well too.. very vivid, eloquent and detailed
Although I have thought these thoughts about my roommate, even though I have been able to let go of most of my resentments and forgiven in other areas - living with someone that has abused me indirectly isn't easy. Underneath resentment is a feeling of being abandoned or being taken advantage of for me. Sometimes, this is true - other times not. If I have or if it's just past presented in present… Matter of perception.
I have come to know the difference, but it's till not easy. :)

Not a day goes by I wish he would leave the apartment. He got us 2 evictions from not paying his part of rent to landlord, almost putting me and Smoky (my cat) on the street last year, and didn't tell us he wasn't sending in like 1000's and 1000's of dollars, squatting in his room in the house.
He took the eviction notice off the door. I had to get a lawyer to separate myself on the lease legally as to not affect my credit. My other roommate and I are over his BS. We can't communicate with him…. and hides out of guilt/shame in his room
I could call animal control as he can't care for his cat, but I am not at that point yet. and I love Samantha cat <3

I am looking to move though soon
I dream about this all the time. Lucky I am not there often…. and have compassion for him somewhat even through all the lies to us.

Anyways, it's good to get it out - keep up the writing… It's beautiful cos it's true…. and real to you.
Just wanted to say, you are not alone on this one.
Smoky <3
 
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I
I love too much
I fall too quickly
I pick your broken pieces up
Before I even notice my own.
You
You take too much
You breathe in my everything
You break me down
Just so you can take me effortlessly
Breathlessly breathing
Clinging to a life I despise
Because you are in it
Do I thank you for keeping me alive
Or curse you for keeping me miserable,
Or face the truth?
I've let you become my excuse for being weak
When I have never really needed one.
 
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