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shrooms and relationship anxiety

I don't understand what you mean by "I started to panic that I didn't love her" or the concept of "checking" to see if you love somebody. "Love" is just a word... I don't understand why you're getting so hung up about it. If you feel a connection to her and you make each other happy then isn't that all that matters?

You come across as very intense. It sounds like you had some insecurities to begin with and the mushroom trip amplified them.
 
I suppose that sometimes it freaks me out that I can't feel the love and happiness that I know is there, because I can only feel anxiety.

I had no doubts or hang ups about the relationship or any insecurities before this trip, I assure you.

But your point about me getting so hung up about it is a very good one.

I'm not actually a particularly intense person to be honest, although I can understand it may seem like that from reading this post. I suppose mental health problems are complicated and don't make any sense to those who don't suffer, they look very silly indeed. I know that this problem of mine is ridiculous, don't get me wrong! If I could control it I would.

Just wondered If anyone has had a case whereby they have had a mental health issue brought on by a bad trip, or an existing one exacerbated through a bad experience whilst tripping? It unnerves me because I always had faith in shrooms to bring out my true feelings on something, but I really don't think this is the case here!
 
CarlysleMoon said:
Just wondered If anyone has had a case whereby they have had a mental health issue brought on by a bad trip, or an existing one exacerbated through a bad experience whilst tripping? It unnerves me because I always had faith in shrooms to bring out my true feelings on something, but I really don't think this is the case here!
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Not every feeling you experience while under the influence of psychedelics is 'true'. They make you more suggestible so you can't take yourself too seriously when tripping.

Regarding mental health issues: I took LSD with a guy who I didn't realize had paranoid schizophrenia (he seemed relatively normal). He had a psychotic break and ended up in a psychiatric ward.
As for myself; ASPD runs in my family and I feel like my heavy psychedelic use has magnified certain sociopathic traits in me.
 
Sounds to me like you need to be able to connect to your feeling of love more easily. Meditation can be handy for this. My suggestion is, just think about those feelings of love you've had a million times, plant the seed of love within yourself, and slowly and carefully create an inner environment where this love can grow and become the main object of your focus. When your love has grown strong, allow all of the chaos to flood in during this meditation. However, you must be patient. The love may not survive the chaotic thoughts the first time you try this, but with some practice you should have no problems.

Otherwise, it could have been ego death, telling you that you needed to let go of everything from this world in order to truly experience the universe. Once you're able to let go of her (or, the idea of her) without fear, only then will you know that you don't need to constantly feel the love just to know that inside you truly do love her. This may be a lesson that the mushroom was trying to teach you. Kind of like that chakra scene from avatar the last airbender, which I believe was inspired by a trip Richard Alpert "Ram Dass" had in which his ego physically appeared to him, and he had to face it and go through all of the individual parts that composed him, and accept the fact that they all had to disappear in order for him to truly experience ego death, that he could continue to exist without any single thing from this plane (see here: ) If you accept these feelings, let them wash over you and let them pass (and you should know that no matter how many times they come back, they always pass) in stead of panicking and/or suppressing, maybe you'll be more comfortable with them.

Of course, I could also be totally off-base. This is just a guess as to what may be going on. PM me if you ever want to talk about it.
 
wow thank you for your input guys! It's been really insightful! You all have really brilliant perspectives on this, and I do fully appreciate your input.
Cryptic- I completely understand what you mean, I had actually been wondering if the shrooms were actually trying to make me more conscious through what happened. I do know that everything in the world of form is impermanent, and as far as everything other than my partner is concerned (my house, money, health, family, and even myslef!) I am quite content to let go of, however, this relationship is so precious to me that I do struggle with the concept of letting go of it and accepting it if it were not to be (I know this sounds paradoxical because on the other hand I am saying that I question my love for her- this is my confusion!). Thus in order to experience true love (our natural state, the state of the universe) then I must be able to let go of her and accept the possibility of it not working out, as to cling to her is to cling to something in the world of form, and to cling to a form, which is always going to be impermanent, is futile and also prevents me from truly experiencing the universe and all it has to offer. I had been wondering if this was the case prior to your post, but wasn't sure if i was making excuses. I guess acceptance of what is, is the way to move forward with this.

Also AA357- I'm grateful to hear your perspective that psychedelics make you more susceptible- this could also play a crucial role in this!

Cheers guys. This has helped me make sense of it!
 
^thanks for sharing your experience. I've certainly felt the same way at times. I enjoy when paradoxes live you've described "make sense" but they usually are just confusing.

anyway, all the best.
 
CarlysleMoon said:
wow thank you for your input guys! It's been really insightful! You all have really brilliant perspectives on this, and I do fully appreciate your input.
Cryptic- I completely understand what you mean, I had actually been wondering if the shrooms were actually trying to make me more conscious through what happened. I do know that everything in the world of form is impermanent, and as far as everything other than my partner is concerned (my house, money, health, family, and even myslef!) I am quite content to let go of, however, this relationship is so precious to me that I do struggle with the concept of letting go of it and accepting it if it were not to be (I know this sounds paradoxical because on the other hand I am saying that I question my love for her- this is my confusion!). Thus in order to experience true love (our natural state, the state of the universe) then I must be able to let go of her and accept the possibility of it not working out, as to cling to her is to cling to something in the world of form, and to cling to a form, which is always going to be impermanent, is futile and also prevents me from truly experiencing the universe and all it has to offer. I had been wondering if this was the case prior to your post, but wasn't sure if i was making excuses. I guess acceptance of what is, is the way to move forward with this.

Also AA357- I'm grateful to hear your perspective that psychedelics make you more susceptible- this could also play a crucial role in this!

Cheers guys. This has helped me make sense of it!
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Glad to help.

Psychedelics interfere with sensory gating (a mechanism the brain uses to filter out unnecessary stimuli). They bring down these filters and basically overload the brain with sensory stimuli. The brain can't process all this information and it trips out like a circuit breaker. Your senses merge together (synesthesia) and everything seems so profound, hence the increased suggestibility.
So yes: they do enhance sensory perception but they also distort it. On a subconscious level, all human beings are stupid as fuck.

What you need to do when all these silly and distracting thoughts start popping up into your head is just let go. Get comfortable, lay back and close your eyes. Forget about all the bullshit and focus on the things that make you happy to be alive.

Love is a confusing word for me and not something I get hung up about.
 
I agree with AA357 about letting go.

On my last metocin trip, I looked at my gf and started to think stuff such as "so this is the woman you wanna spend your life and have kids with?"

I realized this was a thought for another time, and forced myself to think about something else. This was not hard since I was playing a video game. :)
 
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