One Thousand Words
Bluelighter
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It's not a true relationship unless you know what they smell like
Should i give up on my 3year Online Relationship? Please help?
- Thread starter Pdrizzy6
- Start date
Well ive had financial issues for a while but i very recently got a new job & did the math. By sepetember i will be able to go see her & she said she really wants to see where it would take us.. As for her not wanting to buy a ticket for me, i can't assume anything else but the reason she gave me. Btw im in Italy & she is in Canada so i can't exactly hitch hike & she knows that
LilikoiMoon
Bluelighter
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- Oct 16, 2014
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I have a rule with OR's and that is:
1. Six/Eight month rule to meet in person, regardless....work a second job, do what you have to do, or you'll be looking at years of wasted time, a breakup, then wondering about the "what if's for life"
2. Realize that as much as you click online, it may not be the same in person. I flew to Washington to see him first.
I fell in love with a guy, we spent two weeks together 4 months after we met...I could really see us as forever. However, his coping skills sucked in person, and he was really moody. I bolted after a year.
3. Background checks!
You never really know what they are hiding, trust me on that.
So in your case, I say you guys really, really need to meet, or remain friends, and find someone closer.
1. Six/Eight month rule to meet in person, regardless....work a second job, do what you have to do, or you'll be looking at years of wasted time, a breakup, then wondering about the "what if's for life"
2. Realize that as much as you click online, it may not be the same in person. I flew to Washington to see him first.
I fell in love with a guy, we spent two weeks together 4 months after we met...I could really see us as forever. However, his coping skills sucked in person, and he was really moody. I bolted after a year.
3. Background checks!
You never really know what they are hiding, trust me on that.
So in your case, I say you guys really, really need to meet, or remain friends, and find someone closer.
@Lilikoimoon no i get that fully. I really feel like there is no reason we wouldint click in real life, i know the good things & the bad things about her, she knows the same about me, we are both the type of people who get along with everybody unless they really are messed up, we both could get people in real life so we never try to impress eachother or try to be dishonest about our lives to seem better, we have no reason to, we know eachothers flaws & cringe worthy secrets, we are both flirtatious & what not. Tbh she is more skeptical of me than i am of her but i know if we met she would be 100% relaxed. I think the real scare is would it last in real life. We both get over things really quicky so we could enjoy being physical for a few months but we know eachother so well in everythimg else that we could get bored really quickly, i dunno. There is only one way to tell i guess. Please tell me how was your relationship just before you & your ex met for the firs time?, how did your first meeting go? & how long into your real life relationship did you start realizing that it wouldint work out?
Runtoparadise
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- Sep 29, 2014
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OP I understand your interest in asking those questions to the above poster, but in no way is her situation going to be comparable to yours. As in, the way any of our first meetings go with someone we've met online is it going to be indicative of how yours will potentially work out.
Clearly, there's much to be lost, for yourself, other then just three years of your life if meeting in person does not all end in rainbows & butterflies. I hear your concern there. And, tbh, with all the "fighting", emotional upheaval you've spoken of, it already sounds like hard work.
It may not work out, it may not last, but to begin with, have you & your lady friend yet discussed what "working out" means to you individually? Just to make sure that, if you're not on the same page then you're at least aware of each other's expectations.
It's great news you have found some work & are able to now save to travel to meet her. Which would be roughly another six mths right?
It does sound, from all that I've read, as if you genuinely do feel love for this girl, but if all she's investing is that when you finally get to reach her she said she'd like to, "See where it would take us"? Unquote, for me, it doesn't read that enthusiastically.
OP, you've obviously spent time thinking on this subject, enough so that it prompted you to post the question here for alternative views, so let's ask you now..
What, in your heart of hearts is the feeling you're getting from this girl? Especially, in your last post it seems like you're trying to convince someone how things could really work out, but keep in mind, even if you're skyping,- that you're getting perhaps half an hour of this girls time. It's still not real life.
Try searching inwards for the answer. I think you'll find out you knew it all along.
Rtp
Clearly, there's much to be lost, for yourself, other then just three years of your life if meeting in person does not all end in rainbows & butterflies. I hear your concern there. And, tbh, with all the "fighting", emotional upheaval you've spoken of, it already sounds like hard work.
It may not work out, it may not last, but to begin with, have you & your lady friend yet discussed what "working out" means to you individually? Just to make sure that, if you're not on the same page then you're at least aware of each other's expectations.
It's great news you have found some work & are able to now save to travel to meet her. Which would be roughly another six mths right?
It does sound, from all that I've read, as if you genuinely do feel love for this girl, but if all she's investing is that when you finally get to reach her she said she'd like to, "See where it would take us"? Unquote, for me, it doesn't read that enthusiastically.
OP, you've obviously spent time thinking on this subject, enough so that it prompted you to post the question here for alternative views, so let's ask you now..
What, in your heart of hearts is the feeling you're getting from this girl? Especially, in your last post it seems like you're trying to convince someone how things could really work out, but keep in mind, even if you're skyping,- that you're getting perhaps half an hour of this girls time. It's still not real life.
Try searching inwards for the answer. I think you'll find out you knew it all along.
Rtp
dopemaster
Bluelight Crew
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Well OP you really don't need to argue with someone you have not even met because in all essential purposes you do not really even know her.
There is not very many things as a woman telling me how I feel like she is a mind reader. (Red Flag)
Well if you have to pander to her to get her to speak to you that would be another (Red Flag).
Really red flags all over the place. It is up to you whether you want to ignore them or not. We all have deluded ourselves at one point or another so I wouldn't be ashamed of it, just don't lie to yourself especially when it comes time to make important decisions.
But what it all boils down to and what you need to say is "Will you buy me a ticket or not because I am not doing this anymore if not?" If she says no I would say that is the third strike. She may say yes and put a serious delay on it and that would be another red flag in my book. You might be the right people for each other but you will never know if you keep things the way they are.
She sounds like a needy person if she maintains an online relationship that is so intense she can be a bitch about it. I think if you meet her you will see how she is in real life and whether you want to uproot your life for her.
If you do meet her I would advise being very observant the entire time. Don't act paranoid or anything but do not delude yourself. Remember it is easy to act a certain way for a period of time. I have dated a few women whose personality changed after usually 6 months. Until that point they seemed like someone I would want to be with and then they turn on the crazy. Hell I have even pretended to be what I thought the woman would want in a man and it worked.
OP I do gotta ask, have you been dating IRL while having this cyber romance or whatever you want to call it? I bet she has been dating.
There is not very many things as a woman telling me how I feel like she is a mind reader. (Red Flag)
Well if you have to pander to her to get her to speak to you that would be another (Red Flag).
Really red flags all over the place. It is up to you whether you want to ignore them or not. We all have deluded ourselves at one point or another so I wouldn't be ashamed of it, just don't lie to yourself especially when it comes time to make important decisions.
But what it all boils down to and what you need to say is "Will you buy me a ticket or not because I am not doing this anymore if not?" If she says no I would say that is the third strike. She may say yes and put a serious delay on it and that would be another red flag in my book. You might be the right people for each other but you will never know if you keep things the way they are.
She sounds like a needy person if she maintains an online relationship that is so intense she can be a bitch about it. I think if you meet her you will see how she is in real life and whether you want to uproot your life for her.
If you do meet her I would advise being very observant the entire time. Don't act paranoid or anything but do not delude yourself. Remember it is easy to act a certain way for a period of time. I have dated a few women whose personality changed after usually 6 months. Until that point they seemed like someone I would want to be with and then they turn on the crazy. Hell I have even pretended to be what I thought the woman would want in a man and it worked.
OP I do gotta ask, have you been dating IRL while having this cyber romance or whatever you want to call it? I bet she has been dating.
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queenbee1127
Bluelighter
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- Apr 13, 2008
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Dude have you not seen catfish? I realize you have skyped at some point years ago but there are SO MANY things she could be hiding from you! Yeah you tell each other secrets and know everything about each other blah blah blah, those 'secrets' could just be part of her online personality! Seriously rethink this one before you save a years worth of money to hop an economy flight across the world to shack up with someone you've never met. LET IT GO.