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Should i give up on my 3year Online Relationship? Please help?

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Pdrizzy6

Greenlighter
Joined
Mar 12, 2015
Messages
24
Hi everyone! My first time posting here, really need some adivice. There is abit of lengthy back story so please bare with me. Im 21 from America & she is 19 from Canada. 3 years ago i randomly saw her BBM pin on twitter & added her. We started talking non stop instantly for a few days then decided to skype. We clicked instantly, it was like we new eachother for ages, we would laugh so hard for 10mins just laughing at eachothers laugh & jokes till we couldint breathe, we just got along so well that we skyped every single day for a while. Eventually like a few months later i moved to Italy with my family but we never had wifi so we could no longer skype. This made her abit upset and she didint talk to me at all for awhile. Towards the end of the year she told me she missed me and we started voicenoting like literally a million voicenotes all day every day for the next 3months.. Towards the end of those 3 months we just started having petty fights as our feelings were clearly strong for eachother by now the fights just occured more and more. Around the end of November we stopped talking, but by the end of December, ounce again she told me she missed me & we admitted that we had feelings for eachother but both felt weird because we had never met. 2013 came around and i think we both started dating other people in real life so we hardly spoke, but always checked up on eachother. Then randomly in the middle of the year we started talking again but this time things got so deep. We completely fell for eachother so hard, we were not dating persae but we knew we loved eachother & wanted to be together in real life. This is when i started messing up because i got scared, scared of things like being to attached to a girl ive never met and might never meet, scared of how badly i wanted to be with her, how much i thought about her, scared that she would eventually get bored & lll lose her to some guy who can actually be there because she is extremely beautiful & she always tells me how guys never rest at trying to get in her pants. So we began fighting again all the time because i would try cut her off but she would beg me to not leave her & it just became so emotional, making her cry, she made me cry ounce, trying to stop talking to eachother but the next day we would tell each other we cant go a day without speaking and we love eachother, but then fight all over again a few hours later, this went on for awhile untill she just couldint do it anymore & cut me off for a few months. In these months i started to realize that this girl was something special & i messed up big time. 2014 we only spoke again twice, the first was in june when she was working and i was going through a really bad time financially & family wise & she offered to help me but out of pride i said no. Then a few weeks later i REALLY needed the money & asked her but she said No because she cant trust someone she met online? What if i take the money and ditch her again? I was abit hurt by that and it started a fight where i felt she really was sick of me, and made me feel so low & we never spoke again until December but just dumb small talk & she would hardly reply if ever so i decided to let it go ounce & for all. Near the end of Jan this year she texted me saying she has just been thinking about me & misses me alot. I told her i missed her to & we started talking again. That is the back story, now the problem is. Things are just not the same as when times were good between us. She is so careful in what she says to me & is so busy at work that we dont talk that much but atleast she still makes the effort i guess. She used to be so in to me but now its like she loves me but doesint at the same time.. I show her affection and she embraces it but very rarely returns it anymore, she only tells me she loves me when she is drunk now, its weird cause we still talk about getting married & having kids & meeting one day but i dont know if she takes it as "not a serious thing" we are closer then we have been since 2013 but its hard for me to just be all friendly with her. I love this girl sooo much but im not sure if i should just let it go or hope that within time she'll get back to her old self after she can fully trust me again. She told me that when im not in her life it feels empty & when i tried to tell her before febuary that i dont wanna talk to her cause my feelings are so caught up in her that it hurt, she just begged me not to leave her again. I honestly dont know what to do, i just think about her all day & miss how open she used to be. She wants me to move to Canada next year and go to school there so we can be close. Thats a good thing but should i not be worried that she has so much money that she could bring her and her friends to come see me but doesint want to? Im not saying she is wrong 4 not wanting to buy me a ticket but she has never offered? If i had the money i would in heartbeat so im not sure about how real our "love" is at this point.
 
You may want to split that up if you want many people to be able to make it through.
 
Have you met her in person?

People can be completely different in person than they are on the internet.

Visit her, or have her visit you before you make this decision.
 
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You said you live in states and she lives in Canada, right? You've gone to Italy and the dating went on even without wifi.
Is it really that costly to pay her a visit?

I don't how old you are, but before internet I've crossed US by bus because I was deeply in love. It was not like I was rich..
I just made it possible. I travelled a couple of days stayed and with her one full summer. It was my first love.
Her parents really liked me and if I hadn't moved abroad we could probably be together, who knows..

I remember not having money to stay over in some place, but a round trip by bus - totally doable.

Even cheaper these days. I saved money for 6-8 months and it was worth every penny.
 
Please fix that wall of text.

Please please please before you ruin your life, do not make HUGE life decisions based on an online relationship with someone you never met in real life

Idk if you said addressed his in your wall of text but you don't even know if she is real if you have never Skyped her and what not. If she is real she is probably using you as an emotional crutch during tough times in her life because she feels safe to vent to you and knows you'll cheer her up or be there for her.

Most likely she is dating people and has had relationships, and although you will not listen to anyone here you need to just move on in life. She most likely has a boyfriend if she has changed so drastically.

Sorry to to say all this but I hope you find a way to get into a real healthy loving relationship with someone you can physically connect with as well as emotionally.

Please stop being this girls emotional tampon and the puppet whose strings she makes dance whenever her cold heart desires
 
5 sentences in and op said they skyped.

I think part of this relationship is a fantasy if you have never met, but I wouldn't discourage you from meeting her in real life, it could be a great learning experience.
 
Mysterie said:
5 sentences in and op said they skyped.

I think part of this relationship is a fantasy if you have never met, but I wouldn't discourage you from meeting her in real life, it could be a great learning experience.
Click to expand...

Only read a random sentence or too, thank you clarifying that for me.

Still does NOT change my opinion much OP
 
Mysterie said:
5 sentences in and op said they skyped.

I think part of this relationship is a fantasy if you have never met, but I wouldn't discourage you from meeting her in real life, it could be a great learning experience.
Click to expand...

Yes it can be a great learning experience. If it's not dangerous of course, what would be life without regrets or efforts to make things happen?

What's so bad about trying to reach out for a possible relationship..?

I get it. There are just too many frauds in Internet but it doesn't last that long without asking for something in return . What has she asked from him?

Now if that turns to be nothing, no address - whatever! Enjoy the trip..
 
This sounds like an extremely painful and unhealthy relationship. I know personally I could never do any sort of long distance relationship due to my own trust issues and insecurities. I have to say I do agree with the theory that part of this relationship may just be a fantasy for her, as hard as that is to accept.

If this relationship means a lot to you, and clearly it does, then if I were you I would do everything in my power to at least meet this woman one time in person whom you have been talking to for over three years now. Unfortunately after reading this my gut feeling is that she may not feel as deeply as you do, regardless of what she is telling you. If she loved you and had the money then she would buy you the ticket. My advice is to move on.
 
I'm not reading that wall of text, and if the other person in this "relationship" consistently reads huge paragraphs like that, then I'd say there's something wrong with him/her. Red flag.
 
StanleyJobson said:
I'm not reading that wall of text, and if the other person in this "relationship" consistently reads huge paragraphs like that, then I'd say there's something wrong with him/her. Red flag.
Click to expand...

Aren't we all red flagged??
 
Hmm. Why even respond at all if you don't even have the patience to read the post in the first place and have no advice to give? Not helpful.
 
^ I don't see someone reading lengthy paragraphs as a red flag. I see it as someone taking the time to digest another's experience and feelings because they care enough to. I see it being a positive thing. If I still don't get your post then maybe you could elaborate and enlighten me.
 
Where there's a will there's a way. OP, if you believe you're in love with this girl, do whatever it takes to meet in the flesh.

Meeting in person, or even seeing if she WILL meet you in person will ultimately tell how this tale will end.

You've spent three years loving what is perhaps a fantasy as others have suggested. For your own sanity & to progress in any direction, you & her need to chat about how to make this happen.

Rtp
 
Probably if one of you isn't willing to fork out the money to meet it is a dead end for sure.

Sounds like you are just wasting your time.

Maybe it is more of a fantasy than a reality at this point or some sort of escape from your normal life.

It could work if you actually met but since you waited this long I think things have already dulled to the point of no return.

I suppose you should ask her to buy you a ticket to visit her and say if she says no you are done.
 
I wish the OP would respond. I agree though if you can't afford the ticket yet she can and refuses to pay then cut ties :( it isn't real.
 
Thanks for all the replies! Sorry about the wall of text i just wanted to be understood as clearly as possible. There are obviously alot of mixed emotions here so i dont know but ill point out a few things. She wont buy a ticket because she says that when she wanted to, all i was trying to do was cut her off & it really hurt her. (my fault i know.) So she says if i really want this, i have too make make the effort. We both never beilieved in online love & it caused problems when we felt like we were falling to deeply for eachother, it made us both insecure. We are both the type of people who get over things quickly but can't seem to let this go even when we want to. I think maybe cause after we had the worst fights we have only been messaging on fb since then & it has made it harder for her to warm up to me again but im FINALLY gonna be able to skype, voicenote & call her again, so maybe she will warm up to me again?
 
Oh and judging by what you have all said. I feel like the only way to really know would be to just make the plan to go see her? I mean she says she would take a week off from work & i could even stay at her house so i don't think she's against meeting?
 
Well buckle up then OP! Before the next fight & excuse.

Look, we can see this with fresh eyes & a clear perspective. "How about waiting another 12months & see how you feel about meeting in person then"? Said No One!

I've no idea of the distance involved here, & I hear you say that you don't have the cash. If you tell her you're gonna hitch a lift here & there, so don't know when exactly you'll be arriving, she might feel more inclined to help?

Or is she using the excuse that you have to make your own way there as she's well aware you can't afford the travel expenses?

Rtp
 
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