She don't lie, she don't lie, she don't lie

[Zeiton]

I've an on and off coke user for 12 years. In that time i spent long periods (years) sober from any drug but alcohol.
I am 27.
This time around is different from the other times because it's the first time i use drugs while living alone. I used to do weed and coke when in my teens, living w my parents and since i moved out i had been sober for years. I thought that my drug use days were over. Boy was i wrong! Somehow between finals i felt the need to go buy coke. I have no clue why that came to mind, but it did. The first year it was just a slip now and then.. it felt really bad, like cheating on a partner.. i would clwan the house thoroughly after and have a long bath and a shave and it was no more than a remorse for a nice sunday morning lost locked in my room doing blow.
But the second year it became a habit. I snort cocaine every day now. I never had this happen to me with any drug, save marihuana, which i don't smoke anymore now.
I really want to stop. Since i started using again i have dropped out of college, my house is a rotten mess, i have flies in my mattress and on the wooden floors, my elderly parents are worried sick and don't trust me with money, my long distance gf of 5 years who i love and want to marry feels like a stranger bc we don't talk anymore, i lost contact with my friends and made new druggie friends, i stoped cycling which i did 4 times a week, i quit the gym, and i don't know what i'm going to do with my future bc since i quit college now i have no plan but getting high every night.
I need help.
I have been seeing a psychiatrist, a person who is very dear to me and i to her, she has helped me through very rough times many times since i was 15, but she isn't helping either. I mean it helps me a lot to talk to her but i'm still using.

This past week something happened to me that made me see how deep in shit i have gotten. While doing coke i got what i think is psychosis, i spent 5 hours looking out the window through the trees and i saw one of my druggie friends holding a flashlight and trying to get into my house to steal my coke. I spent 5 hours doing lines, looking out the window and going downstairs to listen through the door. I was holding a knife the whole time.


I need advice, please, how can i stop?

 

[zephyr]

Hi mate.


Well, it's not easy to just stop a habit just like that. You will have to be realistic about how you will be feeling and for roughly how long and how best to make it more comfortable so you dont crack and go back to using, even an odd dip or two once in a while will just extend it.


I haven't used coke in a while as I'm in Australia and it's far out of reach for anything but special occasions, meth is the monkey on my back and while both are stimulants, they are very different in their effects and usual withdrawal symptoms are a little different.

Someone else could assist you here in regards to specifics about cocaine as theres other druggies around who have been in the same boat as you.

You are definately not alone mate.


Are you working at the moment? Is so, good. Can you arrange a couple of weeks off? If do do that and the sooner the better. It will take as long as you can manage to get some down time and no pressure of schedule to get the ritualistic addictive pattern broken, enough to start getting past it and not thinking about coke all the time.


Do you have a person who already knows you do coke and some understanding of how much that you can ask to assist you for a few days?

If so, it would help if you just told them you have hit the wall and would like them to just be around in the background and help sort out your home.


At the stage you describe it will be a lot easier to just throw out anything lying around that is beyond saving, ditch your mattress, even any big loads of dishes and keep bare minimum stuff around that needs cleaning in the first place. Just get a blow up mattress or block of foam for a mattress, it's cheap as and comfy as hell.

I would think twice about confiding in parents and do what you can to get out of this without them getting involved. My folks know about my addiction issues and they were obv disappointed and distressed but did help me as I was quite sick but I regret telling them as they didnt need the stress and have never gotten over it .


Your new druggie mates, well, I dont know if any of them you would consider a mate even not on it, sometimes a druggie mate can be surprisingly supportive of someone going to withdraw and not use for a while.

It doesnt take that long and is not that bad that you physically need any inpatient withdrawal or rehab like other drugs. That is a resort to consider if you cant stop yourself on your own.

You might benefit from an outpatient program better and stay at home if you can make it a place you want to be.


Having a short script of lorazepam and seroquel plus an antidepressant worked for me on the past, it would work in your case imo.


You'll have to see a doctor to get those drugs. Please do not get any stupid research chem especially research benzos as they will fuck you up further.

Stock up on electrolyte drinks, some alcohol every now and then, you're not quitting everything, just coke so why not ha e a beer or two.

You just need to relax and sleep a lot.


Keep in touch mate. You'll be ok.

Dont think about never using again, just short term goals first

 

[Mafioso]

Have you spoken to your parents about getting help? If you are having hallucinations and extreme paranoia it could definitely be a sign of stimulant psychosis, either way it is definitely a side effect of the coke. Things will only get worse from here with continued use... and they can get ugly really quick.

IME, it's very hard to just cope with just the emotional troubles brought on by psychosis even with help. A psychiatrist can only do so much, and short of getting you involuntarily committed there isn't going to be much he/she can do short of prescribe anti-psychotics and other drugs in attempts to treat the symptoms of psychosis.

In reality, you seem to know the cause of it pretty well, and judging from the message you wrote, you are coherent and cognitive enough that I don't think you've fully slipped into psychosis. The best treatment is going to be sobriety ultimately. Maybe some comfort meds might help you get there and ease some of the pain along the way, but what you really need is time to heal and people to help you get there. I'd consider checking into a detox or rehab if at all possible before you really lose control and some seriously bad shit happens.