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Seems like I've fucked myself with alcohol and it wasn't even that much

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noone1

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 19, 2003
Messages
1,462
Been having upper right quadrant pain, bloated stomach, when I feel around my right abdomen I feel "something" there.

I've only been drinking at most 6-7 units of alcohol every other day for about a year and that's over exaggerating it a bit sometimes more mostly less.

Lately I have definitely gone through a "dark" phase. Been binging lots of drugs, not wanting to deal with my feelings or problems at all. Been adding a little phenibut here and there the last few weeks no more than 500mg daily wondering if that "helped" I see stories about people drinking handles of hard liquor for 20+ years and having almost no side effects. Doesn't seem fair. It's been 4 days and I feel really shitty. I am in no danger of a seizure because I've made sure of that.

I am a hypochondriac by nature but I know something is wrong. Food isn't emptying from my stomach and I keep getting that twinge in my right abdomen. It could be just really bad GERD and gas or my gallbladder but liver seems likely. Either way I know it is related to drinking and probably opiate use. I want a damn drink. I do not want to see a doctor. I'm not ready to stop.
 
I'm sorry to hear what you are going through. I'm in a bit of a dark phase as well, and I binge drink nearly every day I have off work. As for the doctor part I understand. I pretty much refuse to go to the doctor unless I absolutely know something is broken/way off. Maybe just set up a doctor appointment if you can. Whatever you would find out could possibly put your situation into perspective I guess and you could make a decision from there about your drinking/drug use. You could at least get some type of closure from finding out what is wrong.
 
I would encourage you to see a doctor even if you aren't ready to stop. You might discover something life threatening that might change your views... I was at an inpatient rehab with a lady who had a pretty nasty drinking habit and found out she had a life-threatening disease caused by drinking. I forget what it was exactly.

There was also an older man there who was a chronic relapse and was diagnosed with diabetes related to his drinking problem. Durgs and alcohol effect everyone differently, some seem to be more vulnerable to negative side effects while some seem to be able to use with minimal side effects. It really doesn't matter what others can or cannot do in this situation.. you have to focus on your own health and well-being.


There are some things caused by drug use that may never fully recover or heal, but to a large degree you can unfuck yourself.

I think it is pretty clear that continuing to use drugs is not going to help you get better or handle your situation... I know for myself I was dealing with suicidal thoughts and was completely out of control until I went to treatment. I was ready to either die or end my life before I willingly went to a rehab. I had a psychotic episode and got locked up and had no choice but to get sober. If I would have made the decision to go to treatment before all of that I probably could have avoided legal troubles... things may not be good at the moment but they can always get worse. There is no real rock bottom, its just when we decide that we've had enough of the bs and decide to do something good for ourselves.
 
day 5 and I guess it is a little better? I still get twinges on my right side but occasionally it will swap to my left side and all around my belly mostly it stays right in the liver spot however and I feel something squishy there when I push down (fatty liver?). It could just be really bad rebound acid reflux I've been popping cimetidine like candy to enhance opiate and help my stomach. I can barely eat but my belly is still bloated and full. I wouldn't even care except I expected this 20+ years down the line not after a year of moderate boozing. I want to die deep down but am scared of non-existence. I have been through all of it before with doctors, therapists, and seeking help it never helps.

The physical cravings are gone but the depression is setting in bad. I wish there was something I could take because I feel like I need something. I would smoke pot but it doesn't agree with me. I would try kratom but I am scared I will be one of the people that gets liver failure from it. Tobacco and caffeine the typical sober junky cocktail are also out because of anxiety. I am addicted to working out but I can only do that so long before it hurts me physically.

Thanks for the advice but I won't go until I am on my last legs or until I am clean enough days that I can say it was just a phase and I need help. I got a look of being subhuman from doctors just from telling them I take the lowest dose of xanax possible as needed. Social anxiety rules my life and is the only thing that keeps me out of jail or the hospital.
 
Are you prescribed xanax? It may be possible the look was something else and you just interpreted as them looking down on you.. I know my self-esteem was pretty low when I had quit using.

A good alcohol and drug counselor will be less judgmental than many people with substance use disorders. You say you have been through it before with doctors and therapist, have you seen someone for a substance use disorder? A substance use disorder counselor should be able to help you deal with the acute and post acute withdraw symptoms you are experiencing. The anxiety you experience is likely part of the side-effects or withdraw symptoms. I know most other people that I was in rehab with voiced having severe social anxiety or general anxiety that went away or became manageable once they quit using and had a few weeks under their belt. How you feel right now is not how you will feel in 6 months from now or even a month from now.

For a lot of people, having to face consequences like health or financial problems are the only thing that really drives us to get sober. I would still encourage you to go get blood work done, if you have an underlying health condition it may only make things worse and harder to cope. Knowing that you physically can not drink might serve as greater motivation, but I really hope you don't have anything seriously wrong.

What has been your experience when you tried to seek help from others before? You say you have only been a moderate drinker for a year, have you ever tried to get help for a substance use disorder or was it mental/emotional problems you tried to get help for?

5 days is progress. You are going through the worst of it. You may still have an urge to drink a month from now, but it is likely that you won't be experiencing the extreme anxiety and severe depression that is associated with the acute withdraw phase.
 
^I am no longer prescribed xanax but I was at the time, I had to drop the psychiatrist when the new healthcare rules went into effect because it was a free clinic. I'm not imagining my doctors reaction when she heard I was on a really low dose she acted offended and told me she would under no circumstances prescribe benzos of any kind for any reason.

Substance abuse is not my issue that is just the particular way in which I decided to commit suicide. I have had social anxiety, general anxiety and depression since I was a small child. Before my current fall I was 3 years clean of everything going to therapy every week, taking all the worthless medications doctors would prescribe (a shitload of SSRIS) But it barely does anything. I can fake it enough now to have a crap job and pretend I am a normal person but I can't let anyone get close and it is becoming less and less likely the older I get I will ever be able to fix it without decades of therapy I should have been doing when I was younger.

But all that is besides the point... this is turning more into blog territory. I am on day 7 and I feel pretty good... day 4 with no opiates. The pain in my stomach is slowly going away... whatever the squishy ball thing in my stomach is could have already been there from before I don't know, maybe it's not my liver. I wonder if I got narcotic bowel syndrome again and it has nothing to do with drinking. Being a hypochondriac sucks. I really want to celebrate being a week clean by getting high.
 
Yeah one of the hard things about getting clean is finding new ways to reward myself. I keep imagining the first time I got high and want to experience that feeling again. For me, using drugs wasn't just the way I coped with negative feelings like isolation and a general sadness, it was the way I celebrated and interacted with other people.

Really, benzos are a pretty nasty drug IME, even at low doses. I've had a seizure and 2 psychotic episodes from benzo withdraw, although I was using a heavy dose and other drugs as well, I still don't see the benefit personally. They are nice at first but tolerance builds so quick, especially with Xanax, and the side effects become more severe with continued use... they are really a dangerous drug. I can understand why a doctor might not like it/be opposed to them, although a doctor really shouldn't be judgmental I would think. Either way, I don't think it's worth getting hung up over. There are loads of people who probably think I'm a complete POS for my past lifestyle and habits. They are irrelevant when it comes to my recovery.

Are you considering getting counseling/therapy? Is it something you can afford or think would be practical? If you do maybe try telling your counselor/therapist that you are opposed to anti-depressants and have tried them in the past with no success.

But either way, good work on reaching day 7. It's good to hear that thinks are getting better. Some of the stomach issues could possibly be related to opiate WDs. TBH, if you aren't going to see a doctor then I don't really think it will do any good to wonder if you have this or that when it comes to health issues. All you can really do is to abstain from things that cause harm and start doing things that will promote healing/health. Things will likely continue to get easier in terms of acute WD symptoms. However, you are not out of the woods yet. Likely whatever you have been suppressing with drug use will come back up, ie emotional struggles/issues. Try to be prepared to start dealing with them.

Have you reached out to anyone in your life concerning your current struggles? Doing this alone is extremely difficult- I was never able to achieve lasting sobriety on my own. Not saying that no one can, but I definitely found it much easier just having people to talk to.
 
Sounds like gall stones by hearing your symptoms, I had the same issue and when I drank alcohol it just exacerbated the uncomfortable stomach pain on the right hand side.
 
Upper right quadrant pain with abdominal bloating is likely liver failure. Are the whites of your eyes yellowish at all? The stomache bloating comes from a lack of albumin and is called ascites. Albumin is a large molecule in the bloodstream that creates oncotic pull to keep fluid in the vasculature. With low levels of it fluid starts to escape into 2nd and 3rd space quicker than the lymphatic system can put it back in so you get bloating. You could also have pancreatits along with it, or potentially a gall stone has migrated into the pancreatic common bile duct and is causing pancreatitis - my bet is still liver, though. My wife had a similar thing happen a few years ago and wouldn't go to the doctor until she was really bad. Ended up in liver failure with pancreatitis that led to kidney and heart failure. Gave her 48 hrs to live but they threw some hail mary treatments at her and she made mostly a full recovery but if she drinks now it will happen again. The good thing about the liver is that it is the only organ that can truly heal itself so as long as it isn't cirrhosis which I doubt this early in your drinking carreer. You could live a long healthy and happy life.

It's most likely acute alcohol induced hepatitis. You need to go to the hospital, as soon as you read this. I'm on this site mostly to help as I am a recovered addict turned paramedic. Please listen to what I'm saying - this is not something that will get better on it's own and this early on there's still plenty that can be done but I seriously urge you to seek medical attention immediately. Get some labs done. If your bilirubin and ALT/AST are high and albumin low it's liver, if your lipase is high it's pancreas. Either way you need both to live so when you read this go to the ER and be honest. My wife had only been drinking a couple of years and I was a heavy alcoholic most of my life. She almost died and when I got my enzymes tested my organs are all functioning perfectly. Some people are just more sensitive. The good news is this attak is basically your liver giving you a warning saying it's had enough. If you seek treatment now there's a decent chance at recovery but if it's already been 4 days I'd urge you to please get your things together and go to the hospital as soon as you read this. I can't force you but from my personal experience and in my professional opinion this is a potentially life-threatening issue that you need adressed sooner rather than later. I obviously can't see you so it's hard to tell for sure but what you describe is acute hepatitis (not the viral kind dont freak just means inflammation of the liver). I wish you all the best. Keep us updated on your condition.
 
Had a couple drinks last night and I'm paying for it, my stomach is having a hard time emptying food. The pain is not really a pain but more of a tenderness that gets relieved when I pass gas and it moves all around my stomach all four quadrants just seems to settle back on the right and then I get gassy. No, no jaundice at all. If I had any jaundice or fever at all I would go straight to the hospital. I will probably end up going to the doctor but I'm having some bad panic attacks right now after reading this thread. Going to try to calm down.

Also got stoned and ate a shit ton of food in one sitting so I don't know if I'm being a hypochondriac or if there is actually something to worry about... abdominal bloating and having problems emptying my stomach are nothing new I get it pretty frequently especially when I use Gerd medication for too long.
 
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Well the good news is that it's never to late to quit using drugs. Hopefully you still have the drive to do so. I try to remind myself of all the negatives that come along with using when I get urges to use. I tell myself that there is no high without a low, the first does not come with out the last. Just being mindful of consequences may be enough to dispel an immediate urge.

It sounds like you are already experiencing some uncomfortable side effects from drinking/drug use. It only gets harder the deeper you go. Freaking out about possible medical conditions won't do you any good... unless you go to a doctor and address the situation you are just making things worse by worrying. Worrying has never solved anything in the history of man. Without congruent actions, worrying is just stress. Wondering whether or not something is seriously wrong will not make things better, even knowing that something is wrong doesn't do much good unless you act accordingly...

I'd hope that if you are truly concerned and have reasons to believe you have something wrong that you would go to a doctor and seek treatment.
 
I think it's bad advice to tell someone over the internet that they have liver failure.

All those symptoms can be explained by enlarged liver, which is a very, very early stage of liver distress.

Could also be gall stones, a duodenal ulcer, gallbladder inflammation, etc.

Go to the doctor and get some blood work. Let them physically examine you. Stop self-diagnosing. Stop turning to people on the internet who are only going to end up to telling you the worst case scenario because they don't have proper medical training.

FFS.
 
I put this in the darkside mostly because of my cravings and my desire to commit suicide. My cravings have mostly disappeared now. I am still having a wide variety of symptoms from god knows what that seem to be changing daily. I'm sure the substance abuse has not helped. I will discuss it with a doctor. Thank you.
 
Let us know how it goes. Glad you decided to get checked out, it's really the only way you will know and be able to do something for yourself if you do have some sort of condition. Hope it all goes well for you.

Addiction is a very destructive disease.
 
Okay I was doing some searching on bluelight for my symptoms last night and I found a post I forgot I made a couple of years ago with almost the same symptoms last time I attempted to get clean except at the time I wasn't a drinker so liver problems never crossed my mind. I feel like an idiot. My substance abuse must be masking some sort of medical problem. I am definitely making a doctor appointment and getting checked out. Thanks again.
 
Could be a definite possibility.. I can pretty much guarantee that drugs aren't helping lol. Hope you get things figured out..
 
noone1 said:
Been having upper right quadrant pain, bloated stomach, when I feel around my right abdomen I feel "something" there.

I've only been drinking at most 6-7 units of alcohol every other day for about a year and that's over exaggerating it a bit sometimes more mostly less.

Lately I have definitely gone through a "dark" phase. Been binging lots of drugs, not wanting to deal with my feelings or problems at all. Been adding a little phenibut here and there the last few weeks no more than 500mg daily wondering if that "helped" I see stories about people drinking handles of hard liquor for 20+ years and having almost no side effects. Doesn't seem fair. It's been 4 days and I feel really shitty. I am in no danger of a seizure because I've made sure of that.

I am a hypochondriac by nature but I know something is wrong. Food isn't emptying from my stomach and I keep getting that twinge in my right abdomen. It could be just really bad GERD and gas or my gallbladder but liver seems likely. Either way I know it is related to drinking and probably opiate use. I want a damn drink. I do not want to see a doctor. I'm not ready to stop.
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Are your eyes jaundiced? If there is a problem with the liver, the whites of the eyes tend to turn yellow.

I'd take a deep breath and relax, drink plenty of water and stop drinking for a while. If the pain continues, and it's not just your appendix or indigestion, something like that, then make an appointment with your doctor.

There is no point groping in the dark when you can get a definitive result from a professional. It'll only spur on your paranoia.
 
A doctor won't force you to stop, but will help you define what's with your health. There is no reason not to go.
 
I made a DR's appointment but they won't be able to see me for a while they didn't sound too concerned. I know I shouldn't self diagnose but it really does seem like my gallbladder as the symptoms go by day by day.

It's really hard to stay clean off tea since it makes the symptoms more bearable. Feeling like 2 weeks is my limit and I might relapse just for another day here. The mental part is way worse than any physical craving. I'm so bored.

I will say it's amazing how much my focus, concentration, imagination and memory is returning. I was worried for a while about some sort of dementia. Obviously it was being fucked up 24/7 for weeks on end.
 
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