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Scared to try MDMA again

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fzk19

Greenlighter
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Sep 28, 2014
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4
Hi all,

I tried MDMA for the first time earlier in the year in the form of a pill (tested + trusted source), and had a brilliant first experience, aside from throwing up on the come up (very drunk also).

Around 3 months later I tried it again, the same pill (once again tested positive for MDMA, same source) whilst completely sober, and had quite a different experience.

I decided to only take a quarter of a pill as I felt pretty ill on the come up the first time I did it. Dropped the pill and within about 30 mins I was feeling something, about 10 mins later I started getting some mild rushes of euphoria, and had a pretty pleasant come up aside from quite a bit of nervousness.

Then, I was listening to some music and got a pain in my chest (I'd been having it for a few days prior, pulled muscle I think) and suddenly I had convinced myself that I was having a heart attack, I went and sat down and I felt horrible. I felt so panicky, all the euphoria I had felt around 30 mins earlier had vanished, I just felt scared, uncomfortable and I had convinced myself I wasn't going to be alright.

It got myself so worked up that I asked my friend to call an ambulance, the paramedics came and checked my HR, BP and respiration which were all normal (HR was elevated by about 10bpm). They said I was fine and nothing was physiologically wrong with me.

The bad feelings pretty much passed as the paramedics arrived, and I didn't really feel anything after I had calmed down, aside from feeling a little spacey.

I did it with a friend, who took the whole pill and he was absolutely fine. He had a very good experience, aside from having to look after me.

I've been reading online about others having bad experiences on low doses and I have seen some people saying that such a low dose isn't enough to take you out of that initial anxious phase of the come up. Several users on Pill reports estimate the pills I took to be around 110-120mg, bearing in mind I took a quarter.

I've been putting it down to a panic attack.

I'm very careful when taking mdma and I always try and regulate my water intake and take breaks from dancing etc.

I want to try it again with friends this weekend, but even the thought of doing it is scaring me.

If anyone has any thoughts on what caused my bad experience, or any advice, it would be welcomed.

Thanks :)
 
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First of all it's very difficult to know what really happened.
The experience sounds atypical for mdma (even though you tested).
But assuming it was mdma that leaves us with the conclusion that the reaction must be somehow specific to you.
Either you are allergic or sensitive to the drug or something else in the tablet, or you are bringing some kind of mental state to the situation.
It sounds likely that you will have a bad time if you try it again.
 
I have a friend who suffers from panic attacks, and everything he has told me is very similar to how I felt.

I'm not convinced I'm allergic to MDMA, as I had no negative reactions the first time I took it, and felt absolutely amazing, aside from around 15 minutes of nausea on the come up (which I've read is quite common), and the first time was also a full pill as opposed to the quarter I took when I had the bad experience.

I also felt very anxious about taking it as I had been having chest pain prior to dropping, which is why I took only a quarter, and I was rather concerned about my heart (even though I'm 19 and in good health, and have never had any issues with my heart). I am also prone to panicking about things and I kind of convinced myself I had something wrong with my heart.

The negative feelings began as soon as I began telling myself that the aching in my chest was down to me having a heart attack. I felt good prior to that.

I felt very anxious the first time I tried MDMA. I was drunk and took it in a club, I came up within about half an hour, and I felt as though I was going to be sick, which I was, and then I had a brilliant night and all of my anxiety I had felt just disappeared.

Not to go off topic, but I have had similar experiences when I first smoked weed quite a few years ago. I smoked a bit too much and subsequently felt incredibly nervous about trying it again and had a few times when I felt similar to how I felt when I had the bad experience on MDMA. I smoke weed quite regularly now and have no issues.

I like to think I'm sensible whenever I take any substance. When I got checked over, if I had been told that there was something wrong with me, I wouldn't be considering taking it again. But my BP, respiration and HR were all normal.

I was thinking about taking it again last night, and I felt very panicky again just thinking about it.

The first time I took it, I felt anxious, but as soon as I came up I wasn't worried about anything and all of my anxiety went away.

However, the time I have been describing when I felt bad, was not nearly as intense or euphoric as the first time, more of a mild buzz, as you would expect with such a small dose, which I feel wasn't enough to take me out of that anxious phase of waiting for the drug to kick in.

Might I add, the negative feelings lasted about 45-50 mins. And I also have no known allergies.

I shouldn't have taken it when I felt so uncomfortable and anxious about the chest pain I was having. I personally feel that the anxiety just completely overwhelmed me. I don't want to have ruined it for myself because I took it in the wrong mindset, as I loved it the first time I tried it.

Thanks for your response in any case :)

Any more advice/thoughts would be greatly appreciated.
 
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Hello!

There's almost certainly no such thing as an MDMA allergy, although people do vary in their sensitivity to any particular drug. From your description, I'm confident that it was a panic attack. (I had a somewhat similar experience the first time I tried it.) Unfortunately, a lot of drugs can amplify any anxiety that you are feeling (such as concern about a pain in your chest.)

As far as whether it will happen again.... Well, it might...and it might not. The biggest factor is simply how scared you now are of the experience. If you are feeling quite afraid of the drug, I would suggest not using it again, at least for the time being.

If you do feel up to trying it again, try to go into it with a calm state of mind, in a place/situation where you feel safe and relaxed and you should be fine.
 
It's quite common to have some pain in one's chest from a pulled or strained pectoral muscle (easy to have if you're trying to pull some heavy object around at an awkaward angle, or even if you're sitting with poor posture for a while and suddenly move - the pain doesn't always happen right away, either, so it's not always clear what caused it). It can be a quite sharp pain, and the first time it happened to me, I was worried I might be having a heart attack too! A bit of gentle massaging or stretching (look up how to stretch the pectoral muscle) usually makes it go away in a few minutes, and anti-inflammatories like ibuprofen help too, as would magnesium or potassium. Heart attack is very different - generally more symptoms than just some chest pain - look it up. Anyways, just suggesting this as something that might help such chest pain in the future if it is what I suspect it may be. But the other point is: There's nothing wrong with being afraid to use a drug (especially if you've had a bad experience with it in the past), and there's nothing wrong with simply not using a drug that scares you.
 
Thank you for the replies so far.

I am apprehensive about trying it again. I think I'm going to give it a few weeks and try again when I'm feeling relaxed and I'm not going into an overwhelming environment.

I found that when I had the bad experience and I was panicking, knowing that I was on a drug that is sadly unregulated and has the potential to cause me harm was pretty distressing in itself.

I don't worry so much about having a bad reaction to MD as I wouldn't ever take a stupid dose, and I always try and watch my water intake and body temp etc. But when you're in a moment of panic, knowing that there's a slight chance that you could have a bad reaction to something you've taken, bad thoughts are amplified massively.

It's reassuring to know that others have experienced panic/anxiety on MDMA (@DEA), and it's nice to get pragmatic advice.

Also, @shoo, I had gone for a pretty strenuous run a few days prior, so I think that's why haha. I haven't had any chest pain since, but thanks for the tips.

Also, thank you bluelight. Such a good forum!

Any other contributions would be very much appreciated :)
 
Yup I agree with the rest, probably anxiety that made your experience turn bad. Perhaps only taking a quarter had something to do with it as well. I had a festival recently where I apparently didn't take enough at once for a proper roll, which caused me to be in this anxious comeup state for about 3 hours, that wasn't fun at all. I think in such a case if your new to MDMA you might start worrying like you did and increase the anxiety even further, causing a bad experience. Good that you tested your drugs, that rules out a bad experience from bunk product. I will add the (tested) prefix to your thread
 
I would recommend that you don't drink so much prior to MDMA. Most people say you shouldn't really drink with MDMA but that never stops me :p Keep the drinking minimal before, just so you get a nice buzz. Pop your pill, and do something in the meantime to take your mind off of it. Talk to people, or dance, whatever you like as long as it keeps your mind off of the comeup. The comeup can be brutal on some people, i never really get hit hard with MDMA comeups but I've been totally fucked over by shroom comeups which are insane, so i know where you are coming from :) It's really a mind over matter thing, if you don't think about it you wont really notice the comeup (in my case). Also, heart attacks are accompanied by gut-wrenching pain. It's unlikely that you'll have a heart attack just because you take MDMA, so keep that in mind. And yeah drugs can cause wild sensations, I've been completely utterly numb a few times which is pretty fucking weird.
 
totally sounds like anxiety. and you are definitely not allergic to mdma.

i haven't had a full blown panic attack on mdma, but i remember getting some weak pills and being anxious and feeling all the side effects intensely for a while. i then proceeded to take a second pill and the rest of the night was pure bliss. though in retrospect that's not something i should have done, given that these pills were untested.

still in your case, i'd give it a while until you're less apprehensive of taking mdma if you want to try it again.
 
Sounds like you got stuck in the come-up anxiety phase and never broke through. I've been there as well. You should take a solid dose next time. 100+ mg should be good to get you going. If not, take a re-dose and that usually pushes me into the euphoric headspace. Once you're into that headspace there's no going back.
 
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