Sad and worries

[tomdpimp]

So today is my 10th wedding anniversary, and zi'm worried. My wife has been more and more distant from me. We are expecting another child, but prior to her getting pregnant we'd had had sex for over 5 months. We planned to have this one, our second. She has been having a lot of health issues over the years (plus epilepsy) and she mostly is frigid toward me. I realize that a lot of this is her medicine causing this, but it still hurts. I posted on fb today to wish her a happy anniversary and she never even liked it. Everything i've tried to get some kind of fun she shoots down or tries to shorten it. Basically I get nothing. My only release has been porn when she and my son are sleep. It's not helping much more. I try to talk to her, but she walls up or yells at me to leave her alone. I love her and don't intend to cheat but I'm also tired of being the lonely one. To make matters worse she is always jealous now of all of me friends. To the point that we rarely spend time with them either.


I don't think there are answers to my issues, but sometimes you have to write down what you feel.

 

[MoreAlkaloidsPLZ]

After 10 years of marriage, it sounds like it could be a lot worse. At this point you know her well enough to know how to go about expressing what you are feeling without setting her off. You owe it to her and yourself to try to bridge that gap and achieve closeness and emotional intimacy, even if physical intimacy is not something that happens often. Talk to her. Choose your words carefully. Frame the discussion in a positive light ie: "I want us to be closer and it's important that we communicate so blah blah.." as opposed to "Here is my list of complaints." Sitting quietly in resentment is NOT healthy.

 

[LilikoiMoon]

** Go down on her tonight, give her the best orgasm she's had in a long time. Before you do, give her a foot rub, massage, rub her belly, tell her she's more beautiful to you than she was the day you met. Butter her up real good, so you can butter her muffin. Ask her to stroke you while you go down on her, or do it on your own. Be kind to her without resentment for the lack of sex, make her feel wanted, loved. Don't put your feelings ahead of hers tonight, just do her****


Sounds like she has a lot on her plate right now with being pregnant, health issues, etc. She may not feel sexy anymore, she may be angry over her changing body.

As a woman, I can tell you that pregnancy and sex can go two ways ....you are either horny all the time from hormones, or miserable as hell, which sounds like she is .. miserable. Me, I had sex daily while pregnant, even the day before giving birth.

Porn, well, I'd like to ask you this...while me, as a woman, has zero issues with porn, I'd probably have an issue with my ole man wanking off to it while I was pregnant, instead of having sex with me. If you start replacing intimacy with your wife for unrealistic mental sex, yer gonna have some issues.

Don't focus on the facebook shit, or the small things, she's probably not really paying much attention.

When I read some of the post here about women/men not having sex with their partners for months/years, it floors me. When the intimacy/sex is gone in a relationship, yer screwed. We need it as humans to survive, or we start cheating, or become porn addicts.

 

[tomdpimp]

Its funny you mention about the oral sex, that's something I love doing, but she over the years has gotten more uncomfortable about that too. Usually, she up for receiving when we were rolling or under some specific drug, except weed. Weed never arouses her. She has issues with the fluids, now if I get to I have to wash my face immeadiately afterwards.

Once while we were rolling, she admited that as a young girl, she got hang ups over sex, because she would hear her father with various ladies. Its strange that she is so inhibited at times. Physical contact is hard for her.

 

[Derschieber]

Many people become distant like this. Unless much care is taken, this is what naturally occurs.
The sex is strongly tied into emotional distance. The remedy is courtship. There really is no other way. This may seem strange or absurd, because you're married for long time, but bear with me...
Classical courtship - first notice one another. Eye contact. Conversation. Long walks. Holding hands. Sharing each other's dreams, hopes secrets...emotional intimacy. Hands to hips, shoulder etc...kissing, touching sexually, sexual intimacy in the marriage bed. Courtship aha...it's a progression, best taken over a loooong time. Long courtships generally make the best marriages, and help in avoiding the bad ones.

Keeping a marriage growing stronger, closer and sexually exciting involves going through the courtship cycle perpetually. Over and over.
You want a good, intimate and sexually exciting marriage. Start courting your wife. There is no other way.
I left things out, but the point is not to rush it. Whether you just met the lady or not makes no difference. Cherish holding hands...it's lovely and intimate...cherish every step...you don't want to rush to the end. People today want to jump into bed straight away, and then wonder why their relationships evaporate into thin air...lol...they leave everything out...there is nothing there at all.
Probably I'm doing a poor job of explaining a rather complex thing here, but from what I can see in your description, there is only one way towards intimacy. I mean real intimacy. Your wife doesn't want a one-night stand with you, I'm sure.
Start courting her properly...probably for the first time ever...A good courtship period is minimum 6 months...but it's worth it.