Pallyress
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Feb 22, 2016
- Messages
- 168
I got really sick this week from PTSD, so I decided to stop the PTSD activation with molly, like tons of time before.
10 hours before I rolled I took 1.2 mg valium. Long halflife, I know, but I just had to numb it.
so, 10 hours later:
130 mg mdma + adhd meds as usual (I get speedy without meds, head gets all fussy, I cant sit still. Tried without, not for me, not with my adhd. my meds makes me calm and able to relax. ) I take Vyvanse, redose a small amount.
I also drink smoothie (meal replacement, use them when my ptsd stops me from eating, and I also need dopamine so the drugs can work, right? Body makes neurotransmitters from food)
1 hour mark: so far I've only had diahrea, but I feel calm. Cat is more affectionate than usual, she loves me rolling. She came about 10 mins before I noticed anything, she lies next to me, soon sleeping.
1:15 mark: I decide to redose with 20 mg.
1:30 mark: I redose with 20 mg.
2 hours in: I've smiled 4 times. No euphoria, but I'm relaxed. I need to cry, but I need euphoria before I can do it, it is just this very hard brick of pain inside me, and I cannot go there yet, it's too painful.
I'm a poor metabolizer, so don't be fooled by the small doses. I usually take mdma every 2-3 months, with my adhd meds, and get euphoric on 125-130 mg, then redose with 60 after 4 hours.
I suppose it's the valium. I'm not starved out, I've eaten enough. I'll have some more smoothie now, that will be 500 kcal all togheter.
I'm betting it's the valium. I hate that shit, makes me dull, but I didn't have mdma then, and I was so tired and in emotional pain, I needed a break.
I'm a bit warm, and tired. I hope mdma has worked enough to turn off my ptsd activation, but i'm not sure. Cats behaviour suggest it has. But I also need to cry, and I cant do that without euphoria. I just feel warm and tired and ok.
ps. yes, a lot of here is oposite of what you can expect. when PTSD has ruled my life for a while, mdma makes me able to eat, sleep and cry. Love it. I use mdma to reduce ptsd symptoms, I've even eaten during the start of the first wave. smoothis, that is.
10 hours before I rolled I took 1.2 mg valium. Long halflife, I know, but I just had to numb it.
so, 10 hours later:
130 mg mdma + adhd meds as usual (I get speedy without meds, head gets all fussy, I cant sit still. Tried without, not for me, not with my adhd. my meds makes me calm and able to relax. ) I take Vyvanse, redose a small amount.
I also drink smoothie (meal replacement, use them when my ptsd stops me from eating, and I also need dopamine so the drugs can work, right? Body makes neurotransmitters from food)
1 hour mark: so far I've only had diahrea, but I feel calm. Cat is more affectionate than usual, she loves me rolling. She came about 10 mins before I noticed anything, she lies next to me, soon sleeping.
1:15 mark: I decide to redose with 20 mg.
1:30 mark: I redose with 20 mg.
2 hours in: I've smiled 4 times. No euphoria, but I'm relaxed. I need to cry, but I need euphoria before I can do it, it is just this very hard brick of pain inside me, and I cannot go there yet, it's too painful.
I'm a poor metabolizer, so don't be fooled by the small doses. I usually take mdma every 2-3 months, with my adhd meds, and get euphoric on 125-130 mg, then redose with 60 after 4 hours.
I suppose it's the valium. I'm not starved out, I've eaten enough. I'll have some more smoothie now, that will be 500 kcal all togheter.
I'm betting it's the valium. I hate that shit, makes me dull, but I didn't have mdma then, and I was so tired and in emotional pain, I needed a break.
I'm a bit warm, and tired. I hope mdma has worked enough to turn off my ptsd activation, but i'm not sure. Cats behaviour suggest it has. But I also need to cry, and I cant do that without euphoria. I just feel warm and tired and ok.
ps. yes, a lot of here is oposite of what you can expect. when PTSD has ruled my life for a while, mdma makes me able to eat, sleep and cry. Love it. I use mdma to reduce ptsd symptoms, I've even eaten during the start of the first wave. smoothis, that is.