I’ve reached my limit now and don’t feel like I’m getting the help and support I need.
I’ve been plagued with mental health issues for over 10 years and because I didn’t know I had these issues for years I didn’t seek help.. I just thought I was different and that’s how my life will be.
This led to me taking opiates because they were helping me with the depression and anxiety(I didn’t know I was depressed or had anxiety) I have.. so obviously I became addicted to opiates and when I finally realised I was addicted I also realised I could get help for depression and severe anxiety I got put on Dihydrocodeine 240mg twice a day and every type of SSRI they have.
Because my depression and anxiety didn’t get any better I turned back to the opiates and for 4 years now I’ve been struggling.. I did have prescription medication support services but because of work I missed appointments and got discharged and referred to substance misuse.
I’ve been to two assessments with them and been told I’m on a waiting list and near the top a few times because I’ve been calling and checking to see if I got assigned a key worker and got an appointment with their doctor. It’s been 3months and my life has just been spiralling out of control so I’ve been updating them on my situation and when talking to one of their support workers last week I told them how bad things have got and tried to explain everything but she was just one of the most unsympathetic and insincere people I’ve ever talked to and basically called me a life when I said why are people telling me I’m near the top of the waiting list and said you’re not a priority right now...
I’d just like to add that the stereotype of aggressive and violent opiate addicts isn’t true and I’ve never been violent or aggressive to anyone, never raised my voice or argued with anyone and been as polite as I could be to anyone listening to me.
Between all the stuff going on with substance misuse I switched doctors because I need help and wasn’t really getting it at my old doctor plus the receptionists always have a problem with my family and prescriptions go missing so I’d be stuck without medication because I’m the addict so I’m the one who lies to get more medication which is not the case I’ve never lied..
Anyway I switched and the new doctors got told by my old doctors reception that 3 weeks of medication had been printed and I should be okay until x date.. I didn’t receive those prescriptions so i was stuck for 3 weeks without medication which was the start of the problems and relapse.
I’ve told my current doctor what I take and I can’t take the prescribed dose so have been illicitly getting some Zomorph and now because of inconsistencies with my ability to get medication I’ve ended up dependant on 300mg of Zomorph a day and sometimes I can only get 200mg Zomorph so take 400mg per day. Everyone I’ve told just says carry on like that for now and wait until you get in with substance misuse.. I’m crying out for help and I’m not getting anything.
My existence is go to work and smile like everything is normal, get home and spend my life in my bedroom in bed, crying a lot my depression has never been this bad, my anxiety has never been this bad and I get no help or medication for that.
For the past few years I’ve been suicidal but too scared to tell anyone...
To sum it up.. I’m addicted to opiates heavily but my doctor won’t help so I’m on a waiting list for substance misuse. I can’t afford to supply my own medication anymore, I’m suicidal and I don’t feel like I can fight that anymore, I’m depressed and have bad anxiety, I have no social life and spend my life alone in my bedroom. Withdrawal makes all those feelings worse and I can’t deal with that. I know there’s loads of numbers and places to call to talk but no one can do anything about withdrawal.
I’m at the end of my tether with it and I’m going to see my doctor one last time Monday to see if they will help but I doubt it. I need prescribing something stronger than the low amount of DHC I’m on, I need some help with my depression and anxiety but the doctors won’t help with that and the suicidal thoughts will be helped once I get in with substance misuse.
I’m not the type of person to make a big deal out of anything and I’ll let them know I want to kill myself but I’m not going to tell people I’ll do it or ring any numbers and talk to someone.. the anonymity of this website which allows me to make this post anonymously is why I’ve made this post because I’d never do it if someone knew who I was.
It’s supposed to be easy to get help these days... right? Nope I’ve exhausted the only channels that can help.
Sorry for making you read this..
I’ll just be another figure on some statistic somewhere.
EDIT: To be completely clear I’m not saying I’m going to kill myself, I’m just saying I’m struggling with it and I’m not getting help.
I’ve been plagued with mental health issues for over 10 years and because I didn’t know I had these issues for years I didn’t seek help.. I just thought I was different and that’s how my life will be.
This led to me taking opiates because they were helping me with the depression and anxiety(I didn’t know I was depressed or had anxiety) I have.. so obviously I became addicted to opiates and when I finally realised I was addicted I also realised I could get help for depression and severe anxiety I got put on Dihydrocodeine 240mg twice a day and every type of SSRI they have.
Because my depression and anxiety didn’t get any better I turned back to the opiates and for 4 years now I’ve been struggling.. I did have prescription medication support services but because of work I missed appointments and got discharged and referred to substance misuse.
I’ve been to two assessments with them and been told I’m on a waiting list and near the top a few times because I’ve been calling and checking to see if I got assigned a key worker and got an appointment with their doctor. It’s been 3months and my life has just been spiralling out of control so I’ve been updating them on my situation and when talking to one of their support workers last week I told them how bad things have got and tried to explain everything but she was just one of the most unsympathetic and insincere people I’ve ever talked to and basically called me a life when I said why are people telling me I’m near the top of the waiting list and said you’re not a priority right now...
I’d just like to add that the stereotype of aggressive and violent opiate addicts isn’t true and I’ve never been violent or aggressive to anyone, never raised my voice or argued with anyone and been as polite as I could be to anyone listening to me.
Between all the stuff going on with substance misuse I switched doctors because I need help and wasn’t really getting it at my old doctor plus the receptionists always have a problem with my family and prescriptions go missing so I’d be stuck without medication because I’m the addict so I’m the one who lies to get more medication which is not the case I’ve never lied..
Anyway I switched and the new doctors got told by my old doctors reception that 3 weeks of medication had been printed and I should be okay until x date.. I didn’t receive those prescriptions so i was stuck for 3 weeks without medication which was the start of the problems and relapse.
I’ve told my current doctor what I take and I can’t take the prescribed dose so have been illicitly getting some Zomorph and now because of inconsistencies with my ability to get medication I’ve ended up dependant on 300mg of Zomorph a day and sometimes I can only get 200mg Zomorph so take 400mg per day. Everyone I’ve told just says carry on like that for now and wait until you get in with substance misuse.. I’m crying out for help and I’m not getting anything.
My existence is go to work and smile like everything is normal, get home and spend my life in my bedroom in bed, crying a lot my depression has never been this bad, my anxiety has never been this bad and I get no help or medication for that.
For the past few years I’ve been suicidal but too scared to tell anyone...
To sum it up.. I’m addicted to opiates heavily but my doctor won’t help so I’m on a waiting list for substance misuse. I can’t afford to supply my own medication anymore, I’m suicidal and I don’t feel like I can fight that anymore, I’m depressed and have bad anxiety, I have no social life and spend my life alone in my bedroom. Withdrawal makes all those feelings worse and I can’t deal with that. I know there’s loads of numbers and places to call to talk but no one can do anything about withdrawal.
I’m at the end of my tether with it and I’m going to see my doctor one last time Monday to see if they will help but I doubt it. I need prescribing something stronger than the low amount of DHC I’m on, I need some help with my depression and anxiety but the doctors won’t help with that and the suicidal thoughts will be helped once I get in with substance misuse.
I’m not the type of person to make a big deal out of anything and I’ll let them know I want to kill myself but I’m not going to tell people I’ll do it or ring any numbers and talk to someone.. the anonymity of this website which allows me to make this post anonymously is why I’ve made this post because I’d never do it if someone knew who I was.
It’s supposed to be easy to get help these days... right? Nope I’ve exhausted the only channels that can help.
Sorry for making you read this..
I’ll just be another figure on some statistic somewhere.
EDIT: To be completely clear I’m not saying I’m going to kill myself, I’m just saying I’m struggling with it and I’m not getting help.
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