Revisiting MDMA

[wonderingwanderer7]

So when I was young I overused methylone and mephedrone - I was an idiot from 15-17, sometimes every weekend, sometimes many times a day, many redoses, sometimes days in a row, sometimes more spaced out... anyway, point is: I spent a year or two fucked up in a long term comedown from that stuff. I didn't think I would ever recover, but I recovered... completely.

I mean I still have a tiny bit of anxiety and paranoia but that could be from my psychedelic use or just how I would have been anyway, like it barely bothers me.

That was 6 or 7 years ago.

Last year, I tried to take some tested MDMA at 100mg, everyone else I was with had fun, it just made me quiet and anxious. Two of the people I was with were complete assholes, and during my comedown said some very hurtful stuff. That kind of started the spiraling so to speak, but I was kind of fucked up mentally for a week or so. I remember having some of the old feelings I had for a year come back and was terrified they would stay again. I got no benifit, just the side effects, but I did recover completely again.

Now a year later, I want to consider using this as a tool as MAPS is studying it to overcome some deep trauma..Stuff I have tried so many different methods to deal with but just havn't had any luck - including peyote ceremonies with shamans, therapy, psychedelics, meditation, all kinds of stuff. Still stuck on some stuff. I want to use it as a tool, instead of as a toy, like i should have in the first place.

Do you think how it happened last year just means I need a higher dose than others or that my brain is just fucked up and I can't roll anymore?... anyone been in a similar prediciment ? how much do you need ? I was thinking between 150mg-200mg but I don't want to take too much and be floored and not able to grow from it, and I don't want to take too little and only have the comedown like last time (if that was the problem and I am not just immune to it now or braindamaged).

I kind of remember last year having a week or two of recovery time - would a higher dose risk putting me back into a semi-permenant comedown like I experienced for that year - i am talking about just one dose, maybe 150-175mg, no redose

What do you geniuses think?

 

[Pallyress]

Tried to post long answer twice. First time mobile edit deletet it, second time the forum servers was down.

I will get back to replying later, feel a tension building, adhd meds not kicking in yet.

Cudos for your new, wiser approach.

 

[wonderingwanderer7]

Tried to post long answer twice. First time mobile edit deletet it, second time the forum servers was down.

I will get back to replying later, feel a tension building, adhd meds not kicking in yet.

Cudos for your new, wiser approach.

ok please do, as I am planning on taking this friday!

 

[Pallyress]

Cudos on a new approach that could be very beneficial.

I am worried about what you say about previous use and come-downs. I'm not familiar with the drugs you mention - using 6-7 years back, and I don't know if it will potentiate higher risk from using MDMA now.

That said, 100 mg is not enough to get therapeutic effect. I don't need much, but my sweet spot is 125 mg. You don't want to rocket over the moon either, if it gets too intense you will not be able to do much other than rolling with it.

If you do have underlying trauma, and took 100 mg, the bad come down days after could be shit being stirred up, without having enough effect to process it. It also seems like the setting was wrong. People talking shit when you were emotional open and vulnerable is so incredible wrong. Please don't roll with them, if they are assholes on MDMA they must be complete shitbags the rest of the time.

I have told about my experience in another post on this sub-forum. Please read it and see if you can use any of that information to help our journey and reduce potential risk. The setting and intent is important, and you should have a rough idea of what to do.

When it comes to what you will be working with influenced of MDMA, the MDMA surfaces the emotions you need to work with the most. Sometimes it has surprised me, it has been something else than I was expecting. It has always been beneficial.

 

[Jabberwocky]

As Therapy;
If your trauma/ issues are that persistent, perhaps it is only advisable to prepare guided imagery prior to the session, and only dose in a very comforting environment with a few close friends that are there to help the process.

Otherwise, just have fun.

 

[Pallyress]

As Therapy;
If your trauma/ issues are that persistent, perhaps it is only advisable to prepare guided imagery prior to the session, and only dose in a very comforting environment with a few close friends that are there to help the process.

Otherwise, just have fun.

I think this is a good idea. In the mdma studies you would have a therapist by your side. I've used a guided meditation, it really helps me a lot. I know it almost by heart, I aleays use it. It guides me in a healing directuon, and sometimes the comfort from the voice is so profound it feels like my body gets lighter and my skin tingles all over the body.

I alternate between that and slow, comforting, insteumental music.

I do wish I could have someone with me for support, but my trauma is so graphic that I don't want to expose it to somebody who isn't a professional. Or, I don't have a friend that I feel could take that role, it would be demanding.

The MAPS guide line for mdma sessions advices that the therapist should not take a leading role, and avoid directing where it goes. Its more of watching over, and offering comfort and reassurance.

I do believe this is important, I really wish I could talk about the trauma to somebody, don't think I could do it on my own.

Oh, I'm not sure if a group of friends is a good idea. Perhaps one (or two) maximum ? People in the room is bound to take away some of the inner focus, and it could add more of a distraction than you gain in support. Depends on the need of the person, we are all different. If trauma is about loss it could perhaps be a way to share it with friends. I don't think dealing with sexual abuse would be suitable in a group, but each to their own.