Hello Blue light, it is great to have this forum with people who are like minded as I. Please let me give you some back story. I am a 48 year old man, who has been home now four month after a five year federal sentence for bank fraud. So basically I have been clean since Aug. 8, 2018. Every since I first tried crack at the age of 17, and for all of you who did cocaine in the 90's, it took me down through there. But in 2010 I was introduced to Meth and I found my "friend." Gone were the days of spending my whole check chasing a high that on lasted 10 mins tops. My sex life even improved because I no longer suffered from dopedick. But then in 2013 I moved up to the big leagues as I started using the needle. At first it to took me through the ringer, hell one day I may even tell the story of how I ended up on the roof of a Piggly Wiggly grocery store asleep in a air conditioning vent. Lol. But after a stint at a loony house at the end of that year, I was determined to learn how to use without getting all spun out. I soon would learn that shooting dope was like riding a 1000cc motorcycle. If you didn't respect the power that it contained the bike would disrespect you. So shooting up would become a ritual for me, that I only indulged in when the climate around was right. Now yes I was doing illegal things to buy my product, but hey I learned my lesson. I am not going back.
Which brings me to my dilemma. As I said in my introductory post. I miss it, but because of my probation a my past record, I HAVE TO STAY CLEAN, and I was fine with that until one late night I put into the google search engine "women who like to shoot meth" and boy then I was introduced to the world of Tumblr and Reddit, where people are openly getting high on camera and it turned me up. As much as I loved to get high, I guess you could say that I have a sick fetish for seeing women shoot up, and now my demons are awake fully and now i am mad that I am in a position where I can't get off the porch and play and that pisses me off. Honest I thought I had changed but I am understanding the difference between Compliance and Change.
Which brings me to my dilemma. As I said in my introductory post. I miss it, but because of my probation a my past record, I HAVE TO STAY CLEAN, and I was fine with that until one late night I put into the google search engine "women who like to shoot meth" and boy then I was introduced to the world of Tumblr and Reddit, where people are openly getting high on camera and it turned me up. As much as I loved to get high, I guess you could say that I have a sick fetish for seeing women shoot up, and now my demons are awake fully and now i am mad that I am in a position where I can't get off the porch and play and that pisses me off. Honest I thought I had changed but I am understanding the difference between Compliance and Change.
