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Relationship with meth addict | Pulling away and ignoring me. Please help?

There's something about infrequent communication with someone you're dating that can make you feel like an addict. Research studies in neuroscience illustrate brain functions from break-up are almost identical to withdrawals. IMHO it makes sense that when he's ignoring you you're experiencing the cravings and depression that addicts in w/d feel. Then when you hear from or see him your get a rush of dopamine that washes away the pain so naturally you continue to crave interactions with him. Idk. Iv'e been on that crazy train more times than I can count. IME taking control of the situation is the best way to handle it; unfriend him on fb if he's a fb friend, block him on fb and your phone, delete him from your email account and get rid of things that remind you of him. Relationship experts (psychologists esp.) are in agreement that after a break up there should be "No contact."

I really hear you on this, I can totally relate. I've been addicted to meth, in relationships with addicts and with sober men who communicate/come around infrequently. I've been on all sides of this problem. What helped me was making a clean cut and then distracting myself with healthy, productive activities like school, exercise, going out with friends etc... I hope this helps and I hope you are able to let him go. You are clearly an intelligent, well educated, caring and forgiving woman. I hope you can see yourself as such and realize that you deserve so much more than this guy can give.
 
SWIM72,
You make excellent points, and, yes, I can become addicted to bad relationships.

Not friends on social media - just text and calling.

This man for whatever reason is NOT ready for a relationship (or at least not a honest full-time mutual relationship).
He takes me for granted and doesn't appreciate much of anything. I clearly see this.

For example, we went out the other day, and I had on a nice summer dress. He never said one word to me about my appearance. We go into a restaurant, and I had 1-2 guys tell me that they liked my dress and that I looked nice.
Don't get me wrong, I know men do this as a pick up line, but it would have been nice to hear my date say it?

He is not affectionate and probably never will be. Sex is sex to him - there is no love or intimacy.

Trust me, I take care of myself by finishing school, exercising, and going out with friends. He knows that I am as well, and he probably knows that it is only a matter of time until someone else will try to get my attention.

Maybe he is just milking it while I'm there?

Your post has definitely helped, and I truly appreciate your kind words. I wish that I could see myself as such.
I know this guy will never give me the relationship and attention that I want.
He just can't, and it is getting worse (he never compliments me anymore nor does he initiate sex) YET he continues to want me around?

I have to wake up, and I have a feeling that I will be moving away shortly and maybe that is what I need.
 
Why are you still talking to/seeing this guy? I thought he had cut off all contact?
 
So cut him off, he sounds like a piece of shit quite honestly. Any hurt feelings or confusion on your part at this point are your own fault.
 
queenbee1127,
Exactly!
The signs are clearly there, and he isn't pretending at least (to want more, etc...)!
My own fault is certainly right, and I don't even get what I want in the deal.
All in all this is not a good relationship.
 
Hi inneed i will try and keep my responses quick and brief. I am a long timer user of meth, and this does sound like music to me. I hope i can assist.

QUESTIONS:
Q1: Why did he pull away so quickly?
IMO he has retreated quickly because i believe this has happened to him before its an occurrence. What you have to understand with meth users who do no abuse this substance and have a head on there shoulders with high intelligence is we are 2 - 3 maybe 5 steps ahead of you. He may of knew what he was in for when you finally did confront him with the truth. If there is anything i know if i feel as if im in the wrong while using or im jeopardizing something good, there is a mechanism users can do quite well and easily is subside or forget everything at the drop of a hat. Especially when we know once this interaction conversation ends im going to go smoke and move on or worse inject it.

Q2: Why does he NOT want to see me anymore?
Is it because I want sex, and he cannot perform?
Not at all - look how long you have stuck around and u were still intrigued by his ways. And your also clearly still questioning it - think about it !

Q3: I ask to see him, but he doesn’t reply or answer. Why?
Why can’t he just be honest and say that he doesn’t want to see me anymore?
I cant speak for this man - if it was me though and when i consume and i have a woman chasing me from a little desperation its like a game - entertaining in alot of ways - because for once instead of the woman having the upper hand and me chasing her -I have it over her, and im making the calls.

Q4: What did I do wrong?
Should I have remained silent about his meth use?
Yes lol - if you were happy but unfortunately not satisfied in the bedroom than u have to weigh up your options. Tread cautiously with this response i have given, i am Dr jekyll and mr hyde when i consume.

Q5: What should I do at this point KNOWING that he is an active meth user, but I still want to see him?
You have to hold onto brink that if he does decide to sober up he may try to re kindle the candle - if this is the case take it real slowwwwww one day at time, anything may set him off again and trigger his addictive traits.

Q6: What advice can you give me or help to move on and let it go?
Best way to hurt a meth users which used to hurt me when i can/could still feel emotion - was to completely wipe them from your life and ignore them - nothing you do or say will rectify this relationship and to be honest does not sound like one at all. If do this he will forget about u, but unfortunately this substance is superior for forgetting and moving on one minute he could be thinking about u next minute he is loving life with his euphoria high, read between the lines, you cant do anything the drug has him.

I am not a drug user.
I have never used drugs myself, but many of my friends are drug users.
I’m also sure that he is aware that I am not a drug user or that I am not that knowledgeable about drugs.
I hold two master’s degrees, but I cannot for the life of me get my dating life on track.
I have a habit of attracting and dating meth addicts.
 
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AE.,

I greatly appreciate your reply and insight.

He did contact me again (about 1.5 months later).
We are on speaking terms again, but things are still the same (no serious relationship, a brief text here and there for a few days, wants to see me 1-2 times every other week. No, this is not much of a relationship. You are right.

I know this relationship and man will never change. I have accepted that fact. My desire to make the relationship "work" is not there anymore. I enjoy his company when he is somewhat normal/sober, but those moments are short-lived. I never know when they will occur again. A constant roller-coaster that I don't want to be on anymore.

I care for him, but I know where he and I stand.
He wants to be close and have someone, but, the addiction won't allow it.

I have no idea what to say other than I pray for his life and choices.
Hopefully, I will be moving away and start a new life with more sober people. LOL

He has good qualities, but, they are overshadowed by the addiction.
He becomes more selfish each time, and I find that hard to take.

I truly appreciate your feedback and help.
You have made me realize a few things and some to think about.

How is your meth use now?
Do you have someone special? If so, how do they handle your meth use?

Thank you.
 
queenbee1127 said:
So cut him off, he sounds like a piece of shit quite honestly. Any hurt feelings or confusion on your part at this point are your own fault.
Click to expand...

Exactly.

Ineedanswers2015-As I told you in your other thread: Why did you have contact with him, and then go visit him? You posted how you were basically cutting off all communication with him, so you should do that.

You yourself and lots of other people have said how this guy that is a meth addict just wants sex from you, and that he's someone who you shouldn't have any contact with let alone be attempt to be a friend, or someone date, or attempt at having a relationship with.

Cut your losses, move on, and find someone else who actually wants you who is not a meth addict or addicted to drugs.
 
SWIM72 said:
There's something about infrequent communication with someone you're dating that can make you feel like an addict. Research studies in neuroscience illustrate brain functions from break-up are almost identical to withdrawals. IMHO it makes sense that when he's ignoring you you're experiencing the cravings and depression that addicts in w/d feel. Then when you hear from or see him your get a rush of dopamine that washes away the pain so naturally you continue to crave interactions with him. Idk. Iv'e been on that crazy train more times than I can count. IME taking control of the situation is the best way to handle it; unfriend him on fb if he's a fb friend, block him on fb and your phone, delete him from your email account and get rid of things that remind you of him. Relationship experts (psychologists esp.) are in agreement that after a break up there should be "No contact."

I really hear you on this, I can totally relate. I've been addicted to meth, in relationships with addicts and with sober men who communicate/come around infrequently. I've been on all sides of this problem. What helped me was making a clean cut and then distracting myself with healthy, productive activities like school, exercise, going out with friends etc... I hope this helps and I hope you are able to let him go. You are clearly an intelligent, well educated, caring and forgiving woman. I hope you can see yourself as such and realize that you deserve so much more than this guy can give.
Click to expand...

This is a very knowledgeable response, inneed take note of this one also.

Ineedanswers2015 said:
AE.,

I greatly appreciate your reply and insight.

He did contact me again (about 1.5 months later).
We are on speaking terms again, but things are still the same (no serious relationship, a brief text here and there for a few days, wants to see me 1-2 times every other week. No, this is not much of a relationship. You are right.

I know this relationship and man will never change. I have accepted that fact. My desire to make the relationship "work" is not there anymore. I enjoy his company when he is somewhat normal/sober, but those moments are short-lived. I never know when they will occur again. A constant roller-coaster that I don't want to be on anymore.

I care for him, but I know where he and I stand.
He wants to be close and have someone, but, the addiction won't allow it.

I have no idea what to say other than I pray for his life and choices.
Hopefully, I will be moving away and start a new life with more sober people. LOL

He has good qualities, but, they are overshadowed by the addiction.
He becomes more selfish each time, and I find that hard to take.

I truly appreciate your feedback and help.
You have made me realize a few things and some to think about.

How is your meth use now?
Do you have someone special? If so, how do they handle your meth use?

Thank you.
Click to expand...


Your more than welcome.
My meth use is on hold at the moment, i am not consuming or smoking. Just taking a back seat until i re evaluate myself better.
Unfortunately no i dont have someone special in my life. When SWIM began consuming substances, i think life took a turn for the worst and also the better, i see it as a curse and a blessings. I am been bit of a loner, and relationships were never my forte. One times i thought i was asexual, but i wasnt i was just a late bloomer. I do have a libido like a bull on heat though. If the chemistry is good with potential partners.

Future prospects tell me though i have to tread cautiously if i do continue use, as long as i sleep right eat right and attempt to live a healthy lifestyle than anything is possible. Its all about tweaking - trial and error.
 
Sweet heart, when someone is a user, they never stay with people who don't use. It is just the way things are. Drinkers don't stay with non drinkers, believers with non believers, hell. I couldn't even stay with a republican. There are of course, exceptions to this rule, but is what they are. The exception, not the rule. In the end, people like to gather with others who behave/think/party in a similar way. You have two masters degrees... could he discuss topics that you found intellectually stimulating? If you have a habit attracting meth addicts... maybe give online dating a try to widen your pool. If many of your friends are drug users than it would stand to reason there are certain amount of meth users in the circle. One thing about meth is that in the beginning, it makes people charming and socially graceful.
The best guess to your questions I can come up.
Q1: Why did he pull away so quickly?
A:Because he was caught, he didn't want you in his business and had no intention of stopping.
Why didn’t he try to explain himself if he wasn’t truly using?
A: Why should he? Dudes are not super into explaining their actions.

Q2: Why does he NOT want to see me anymore?
A: You don't use, so he can't party with you. He has to hide his partying around you making being around you work, and he wants to party.
Is it because I want sex, and he cannot perform?
A: Meth makes most hyper sexualized, he most likely wants a girl who is on meth too, so that she will be understanding and forgiving, or even better for him, so freaking horny she sucks his cock dry.
Q3: I ask to see him, but he doesn’t reply or answer. Why?
A: STOP CALLING/TEXTING!! Nothing turns a guy off (or girl, I find it irritating as hell) when the ex keeps trying reach out.
Why can’t he just be honest and say that he doesn’t want to see me anymore?
A:Because that is harder than just ignoring you. You should get the hint.
Q4: What did I do wrong?
A: By thinking that you deserve to be with a man that, ignores you, doesn't fuck you, doesn't treat you well and isn't interested in your life. You are better than than. You do not deserve that. HE is the loser here, not YOU!
Q:Should I have remained silent about his meth use?
A: It doesn't matter. You didn't. Can't take it back now. But if he can't admit it and then he ducks ya, he sounds like a chicken and you my dear, sound like you are above reproach.
You are better than that, better than him, you just need to remember how great you are. I know that sometimes the assholes out there can make us start wondering what is wrong with us. The answer NOTHING. You just need to find the right person. Good Luck, I'm telling you, online dating it is the future.

Q5: What should I do at this point KNOWING that he is an active meth user, but I still want to see him?
A: Get a box of chocolate and a bottle of wine. and listen to I will survive by gloria gaynor and Survivor by destinys child until you feel better. Then start playing I'll bust the windows out ya car by Jazmine Sullivan until you are pissed. Then find something you have off his left and light it fire. Safely. ;)

Q6: What advice can you give me or help to move on and let it go?
Don't focus on moving on or letting go. What did you always want to do? Everytime I go through a bad break up I investigate something I always wanted to do. Like Learn french or how to cook, maybe learn the salsa or how to sew. If gives you something to focus on, improves your self image and most importantly, you are doing something good for yourself, and that prick can go to hell.

Hope this helped!
 
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So I know this was a long time ago but I think I can help you are you still in need of answers? Let me know I really think I can,help you
 
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