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Advice Relationship & Sex advice for after rehab

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GingerLilly

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Joined
Mar 25, 2022
Messages
6
Good morning all. A little background- My SO of 16 years is 3 weeks into his first rehab for opioids. He has been taking them for almost a decade due to a work injury and multiple surgeries. Our sex life had become almost non existent in the last few years. He just didn't seem to want it. Over the last 6 months or so he stopped being able to ejaculate and was having trouble getting and staying hard. It got so problematic that he even went to the doctor to see if something was wrong with him. I thought that he just wasn't that in to me anymore which he swore it was the exact opposite of how he feels. Of course we know now that a big component was the amount of meds he was taking. Prior to this time period we had an amazing sex life.

I miss that passion that we had. I think about him all the time and am hoping that going through this rehab and staying off the opioids will help in that department. I guess what I am asking is what should I expect when he comes out of the rehab? It will be over 30 days since he has had an opioid but he is on subs. They are weaning him down and his goal is to be off them before he leaves rehab but there might be a chance that he will have to stay on a low dose. Is there any hope for our sex life? Should I try anything with him when he gets out or let him be the one to initiate? I will admit that because of the problems over the last few years my self esteem has taken a huge hit. I don't want to try anything too soon and be disappointed again but I also feel desperate for that intimacy. I think about it all the time. Any advice is appreciated.
 
I would think that his sexual dysfunction may be eased a bit. Not sure what kind of doses he was taking, but if he was taking heavy doses of opioids, a small dose of Suboxone will likely have a lot less side effects. There may be some lingering ones though.

Or he could come out with a completely renewed sex drive and be jumping to hop in the bed. It really depends. I would suggest just having an open conversation with him about your feelings and trying to meet somewhere in the middle.
 
deficiT said:
I would think that his sexual dysfunction may be eased a bit. Not sure what kind of doses he was taking, but if he was taking heavy doses of opioids, a small dose of Suboxone will likely have a lot less side effects. There may be some lingering ones though.

Or he could come out with a completely renewed sex drive and be jumping to hop in the bed. It really depends. I would suggest just having an open conversation with him about your feelings and trying to meet somewhere in the middle.
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He was taking some heavy doses. I feel hesitant to even bring it up because it was such a difficult thing for us to deal with and I don't want to stress him out coming right out of rehab. There were definitely feelings of inadequacy on both our parts.
 
GingerLilly said:
He was taking some heavy doses. I feel hesitant to even bring it up because it was such a difficult thing for us to deal with and I don't want to stress him out coming right out of rehab. There were definitely feelings of inadequacy on both our parts.
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Don't stress about it too much. Just wait and see what direction things naturally go in. It is very important to talk about things openly and honestly, just do it when the time feels right.

There is the (very unlikely) possibility of long-term hormonal issues that linger after he is completely off opiates, but that could easily be solved by him going to a doctor, getting some blood tests, and then going on TRT.
 
Actually one of my main reasons to decide to stop with oxy was exactly that it fucked up my libido ans sexual life in general ( and I´ve been with my gf for 8 years now , we live together,metc), so worry not of what happened 99.9 is not you, is the opiate. When he´ll come back he will probably be horny all the time, which is great, but expect and be emphatic for some hardcore premature ejaculation he might have to deal with at the beginning (hardcore issue for me at the beginning of my detox, but kratom do wonders on that ) . Plus: maca root, taken daily in the right amount, can do wanders in the libido departments even if he is on suboxone. Good luck to you both!
 
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arrall said:
You can't really "detox" from opioids while taking opioids. I would not suggest that OP's SO start taking kratom (an opioid) immediately after getting out of rehab for opioids.
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Fair enough ( I still have troubles thinking about kratom as '' an opiate for real '' but ..it still is an opiate) , but the OP´s SO mentioned that the SO´s might be on suboxone even after rehab, maybe kratom could be a valid substitute especially sex wise ( never been on subs myself but I´ve heard is not exactly a libido booster).
 
Suboxone itself can make it hard to ejaculate right after I take it I would usually need to wait until the evening if I took it in the morning. I'd be able to stay hard it would just take me forever to bust. This was on 4-8mgs per day but everyone is different so maybe he won't have the same problem. I'd love having sex with my significant other in the mornings before I took the stuff because then I'd cum generally in 5-10mins.

There is ways to work around the Opioid I am on a pretty heavy 105mg Methadone dose right now and I'm able to bust at night when me and my girlfriend fool around, your sex life will surely get better. When I was on IV Opioids there was no chance of me busting where now it's working out, wish you luck I hope he is able to stay on the right track with his drug use.
 
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skipjames said:
maybe kratom could be a valid substitute especially sex wise ( never been on subs myself but I´ve heard is not exactly a libido booster).
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Meh, I’ve tried lowish doses of Kratom a few times for minor injuries and I didn’t notice a significant decrease in libido, but it definitely seemed to have a mild effect.

The biggest problem with using Kratom to replace subs would probably be sticking to lower dosages. It is very hard for many recovering addicts -who are already dealing with the effects of withdrawal and heavily damaged opioid receptors- to have the discipline to keep dosages as low and infrequent as possible; This is especially true for substances with small half-lifes like Kratom. With suboxone, there is the advantage of having a set amount handed to you so that you cannot take more than that amount. With kratom, the sky (and wallet, though kratom is extremely cheap) is the limit for how much you take if you aren’t careful. It may be more benign than most opioids, but it IS still an opioid.
 
At AA they say once you get sober, get a plant.. If you can keep that plant alive for a year, get a pet. If you can keep that pet alive for a year, then you can consider dating :)

Noone listens and everyone hooks up at AA (though I never did) but I think it's very good advice. Men were another addiction for me to distract from my feelings, and my relationships were toxic. Not abusive but just bad. So I detoxed from that too when I was 40. Since then the alcohol and drugs have been a lot more tempting than the men.. 🥳
 
AbbeyLee said:
At AA they say once you get sober, get a plant.. If you can keep that plant alive for a year, get a pet. If you can keep that pet alive for a year, then you can consider dating :)

Noone listens and everyone hooks up at AA (though I never did) but I think it's very good advice. Men were another addiction for me to distract from my feelings, and my relationships were toxic. Not abusive but just bad. So I detoxed from that too when I was 40. Since then the alcohol and drugs have been a lot more tempting than the men.. 🥳
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This is great advice, though I get the impression that you may not have read the original post. This thread is focused on OP's questions about the lasting sexual effects of their SO's opiate addiction that they are currently recovering from, not about general advice on sex & relationships following rehab.
 
arrall said:
This is great advice, though I get the impression that you may not have read the original post. This thread is focused on OP's questions about the lasting sexual effects of their SO's opiate addiction that they are currently recovering from, not about general advice on sex & relationships following rehab.
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Oops, true I just read the title and assumed it was general. Feel free to delete! 😊
 
GingerLilly said:
Good morning all. A little background- My SO of 16 years is 3 weeks into his first rehab for opioids. He has been taking them for almost a decade due to a work injury and multiple surgeries. Our sex life had become almost non existent in the last few years. He just didn't seem to want it. Over the last 6 months or so he stopped being able to ejaculate and was having trouble getting and staying hard. It got so problematic that he even went to the doctor to see if something was wrong with him. I thought that he just wasn't that in to me anymore which he swore it was the exact opposite of how he feels. Of course we know now that a big component was the amount of meds he was taking. Prior to this time period we had an amazing sex life.

I miss that passion that we had. I think about him all the time and am hoping that going through this rehab and staying off the opioids will help in that department. I guess what I am asking is what should I expect when he comes out of the rehab? It will be over 30 days since he has had an opioid but he is on subs. They are weaning him down and his goal is to be off them before he leaves rehab but there might be a chance that he will have to stay on a low dose. Is there any hope for our sex life? Should I try anything with him when he gets out or let him be the one to initiate? I will admit that because of the problems over the last few years my self esteem has taken a huge hit. I don't want to try anything too soon and be disappointed again but I also feel desperate for that intimacy. I think about it all the time. Any advice is appreciated.
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Ok, I actually read your post rather than generalising about sex and relationships after rehab 🙄

I think any lack of sex drive on his behalf would be to do with feeling depressed. I've had a lot of experience being on and off substances, but not much experience being a man!

I actually related to the person who said when he came off opiates he got really horny. I've had that a bit with alcohol and I reckon it's because you're craving feel-good chemicals and that's one way to get them.

One thing I do know about men is that erections are unpredictable things. Depending on the guy, they can be very psychological but subconscious. So they might be horny as all hell but all of a sudden it goes down! This stresses them so much it can create a vicious cycle. That's one reason I'm glad I'm female - I'd be so neurotic it'd become an absolute crisis lol.

My 20yo daughter confided in me about her boyfriend having trouble with "erectile dysfunction". She asked "what should I dooo?!" I told her to play it down, buy a "substitute" and let him in on the act. I never found out the outcome of that situation, but that's what I'd do now (at 48 ). At 20 I would've been way too embarrassed. But it takes the pressure off them and they love that stuff.

Best of luck to you both 😊

Abbey x
 
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