My gf and I have been together about a year now. I am turning 23 soon and she is 20. She is relentlessly self pitying and negative... No matter how hard I try to show her that for every negative way to look at something, there is a positive way to look at something; that seeing things negatively is no more "real" or "true" than seeing things positively, it's just a matter of opinion. I have seen my share of dark days, I have been addicted on and off to IV heroin and methadone (and some benzo addiction too) for 5 years. She grew up in a really dysfunctional family, with people constantly leaving, parent swapping, step-dad's and step-mom's coming in and out constantly. I realize what this does to a person, after spending so many months and years in rehab you understand what a dysfunctional childhood does to a person.
I have tried everything, just shutting up and listening, agreeing how bad things suck "oh you poor baby"... doing nothing at all, just trying to ride it out... talking things out therapist style... being super affectionate and loving, doing fun things.... countering every negative with 2 positives... you name it, i've tried it. She refuses to stop her pity party. She looks for the smallest excuse to get upset. Seriously every day I step in the door from work within 30 seconds I either am: too energetic, too tired, too boring, or I failed to notice 2 loads of laundry she did. And after that we might spend all night snowballing into sadness. I try to distance myself, pull myself closer, give it time... Nothing works.
It sucks because we are so similar in many ways. And part of the reason this is so frustrating is because I used to act in a similar way. Help me SLR. please. It is impossible to stay sober like this. Though by some miracle I have 'only' been smoking weed.
There is a lot of good in this relationship too. Like I said we are very similar and are on close paths to similar futures. She means a lot to me and honestly leaving isn't really an option for many reasons. Let's fix this, not ditch it. In some ways I am way closer to her than any other relatinshops I've been in.
I have tried everything, just shutting up and listening, agreeing how bad things suck "oh you poor baby"... doing nothing at all, just trying to ride it out... talking things out therapist style... being super affectionate and loving, doing fun things.... countering every negative with 2 positives... you name it, i've tried it. She refuses to stop her pity party. She looks for the smallest excuse to get upset. Seriously every day I step in the door from work within 30 seconds I either am: too energetic, too tired, too boring, or I failed to notice 2 loads of laundry she did. And after that we might spend all night snowballing into sadness. I try to distance myself, pull myself closer, give it time... Nothing works.
It sucks because we are so similar in many ways. And part of the reason this is so frustrating is because I used to act in a similar way. Help me SLR. please. It is impossible to stay sober like this. Though by some miracle I have 'only' been smoking weed.
There is a lot of good in this relationship too. Like I said we are very similar and are on close paths to similar futures. She means a lot to me and honestly leaving isn't really an option for many reasons. Let's fix this, not ditch it. In some ways I am way closer to her than any other relatinshops I've been in.
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