Relapsed on fent after a month clean

[Ibrahimb94]

Hello blue lighters!
Like many people I’ve been lurking on here trying to learn and educate myself but decided to make an account so that I could get inputs from others on my specific situation.

I’ve been through the worst of it so my question is pretty simple.
I was wondering how far back this one time lapse will set me back. I’ve got exactly a month of clean time and I only smoked a $5 bag.
Also when I first stopped it took me a while to get onto subs because of fentanyls lipophilic nature. However that was after a few months of consecutive use. Will I have to wait super long again if I decide I need subs?
It was such a terrible experience lol idk how I was doing that everyday. Was throwing up all last night (when I was on) and had a terrible migraine all day today.

thank you to anyone who helps/chimes in!

 

[n3ophy7e]

Hello blue lighters!
Like many people I’ve been lurking on here trying to learn and educate myself but decided to make an account so that I could get inputs from others on my specific situation.

I’ve been through the worst of it so my question is pretty simple.
I was wondering how far back this one time lapse will set me back. I’ve got exactly a month of clean time and I only smoked a $5 bag.
Also when I first stopped it took me a while to get onto subs because of fentanyls lipophilic nature. However that was after a few months of consecutive use. Will I have to wait super long again if I decide I need subs?
It was such a terrible experience lol idk how I was doing that everyday. Was throwing up all last night (when I was on) and had a terrible migraine all day today.

thank you to anyone who helps/chimes in!

Hi Ibrahimb, I'm glad you decided to join Bluelight so you can contribute
I hate to say this.....but I'm actually kinda glad you had such a shitty experience with this lapse. Kind of like aversion therapy, huh. Having said that though, I do honestly hope you're feeling better now Do you have any other methods of staying clean, other than taking subs? e.g. going to NA meetings, seeing a counsellor etc??

I'm gonna move this thread over to The Dark Side because it'll get some better responses over there, from people who are or have been in the exact same situation as you. I wish you all the very best, and please keep us updated with how you're doing.

 

[Ibrahimb94]

Hi Ibrahimb, I'm glad you decided to join Bluelight so you can contribute
I hate to say this.....but I'm actually kinda glad you had such a shitty experience with this lapse. Kind of like aversion therapy, huh. Having said that though, I do honestly hope you're feeling better now Do you have any other methods of staying clean, other than taking subs? e.g. going to NA meetings, seeing a counsellor etc??

I'm gonna move this thread over to The Dark Side because it'll get some better responses over there, from people who are or have been in the exact same situation as you. I wish you all the very best, and please keep us updated with how you're doing.

Thank you I appreciate your response.
I’m actually glad too, definitely less incentive to use again

besides subs I haven’t really done anything. I picked up a new hobby (the bo staff) and have been going to the gym a lot. I didn’t even want to lapse, I just happened to be in a high trigger area out of necessity and broke out of nowhere.. super disappointing but now at least I know I’m still not ready and that I’m still recovering.

 

[n3ophy7e]

Thank you I appreciate your response.
I’m actually glad too, definitely less incentive to use again

besides subs I haven’t really done anything. I picked up a new hobby (the bo staff) and have been going to the gym a lot. I didn’t even want to lapse, I just happened to be in a high trigger area out of necessity and broke out of nowhere.. super disappointing but now at least I know I’m still not ready and that I’m still recovering.

Ooooh the staff should keep you occupied!! I am a bit of a hippie and have a LOT of friends who are in to fire-twirling and stuff, the hobby really is endless
I guess this lapse was kinda like you testing yourself then. Try not to be disappointed in yourself, but just learn from it, and as you said, know that you're still very vulnerable.
Honestly dude, you will still be vulnerable to temptation for a while, which is why I asked about other means of support. Have you ever seen a therapist, or tried meetings? Might be worth a try?

 

[Ibrahimb94]

Ooooh the staff should keep you occupied!! I am a bit of a hippie and have a LOT of friends who are in to fire-twirling and stuff, the hobby really is endless
I guess this lapse was kinda like you testing yourself then. Try not to be disappointed in yourself, but just learn from it, and as you said, know that you're still very vulnerable.
Honestly dude, you will still be vulnerable to temptation for a while, which is why I asked about other means of support. Have you ever seen a therapist, or tried meetings? Might be worth a try?

It has! It’s hella fun, I hope to be able to get good enough to spin a lit staff

I have so many mixed feelings about it, while I am disappointed I’m also proud that I have no want to do that again. I’m just worried about what the potential set backs are gonna be.

I have considered seeing a therapist. I could be wrong but I just feel like at the end of the day, it’s up to me to realize what is the root of the issue and what makes me want to use. As well as what triggers me, like being in certain areas lol. I’m already thinking about these things a lot and am working to figure them out. Maybe if I give up I’ll be more into getting exterior help like a therapist
I feel like the root of the issue was boredom, which is why I picked up the staff to begin with and it’s been working! Like I said, I didn’t go out of my way to get high. It was on the way and I caved at the moment of truth. On my way to that area I was able to walk right past it and go where I needed to go. On the way back is where I messed up. I’m sure if I have more clean time under my belt I can handle those situations better ..