Alcohol relapse

[butcher22]

So, I used to be a very heavy drinker and was one for a very long time. On top of that I was very addicted to benzos.
I detox'd from both at the same time. Most painful experience of my life.
I was sober for quite a while and then convinced myself I can occasionally drink again in moderation. (I now know this not to be true.)
I mean, I actually did have a handle on it for a while but recently I started binging again and yesterday the shakes and panic was so bad that I popped an Ativan which I swore I would never do again.
Today I feel much better but there is definitely still some general anxiety and fear of withdrawal coming back full force.
It has been about 24 hours or more. I should be ok right?
I always have anxiety for a day or two after drinking now so I am sure that's all this is but I can't help but feel terrified that my symptoms just have not peaked yet and will continue climbing.
Also, any healthy tips on getting rid of the anxiety would be great.

 

[smackydowners]

keep an ativan handy just in case it feels like to much. you should be okay though. how long were you binging for recently? how much were you drinking.

the best thing for anxiety is going about a good routine with exercise and good company. and time of course.

 

[butcher22]

I still have one Ativan just in case. I am only going to take it if shit gets real bad, but so far its manageable.
I can't recall exactly but I would say a 3-4 day binge. Can't exactly say how much either, but a lot.
Staying busy and doing housework to keep my mind occupied has been helping.
Gotu Kola seems to be helping a bit too.
Thanks for the reply and the reassurance smacky. I am sure it'll be fine, WD is just terrifying to me.
I'll make use of this mistake and learn from it.

 

[butcher22]

If I may bump this thread, my problem is worse than I thought. All was manageable until about 8:30pm. Right around the time I was almost finished making dinner for my wife and step son.
My shakes got pretty bad in my hands and my head and my anxiety climbed to pure panic. I took a little bit of every supplement in my little private pharmacy.
Red vein thai kratom, had already taken some kava kava earlier that afternoon, valerian root with passion flower and some more gotu kola.
I was watching a movie with my family when I suddenly felt the need to lock myself in the bedroom and turn all lights off but a nightlight and pace the floor.
The shaking was more noticeable if I sat or laid down. Finally I took half of an Ativan since I only have one.
Having gone through severe withdrawal before and experiencing the grand mal seizures and stroke level blood pressure and psychosis ect. I felt like I was getting to be in pretty bad shape again.
Once the .05mg of Ativan kicked in I slowly started feeling more normal.
I can't go to the E.R. because my wife (a medical professional) said I will be labeled a drug seeker, since I fairly recently went there for a benzo script to get off phenibut.
I can't go to a detox center either for other reasons, so I was reading about tapering on the HAMS website and I think that's the route I will try.
Considering I didn't binge that long I think my taper schedule could be fairly short.
My plan is starting tomorrow evening with 4 beers spaced an hour apart. With only 4 I'm sure I'll still suffer some symptoms but I am hoping they will be manageable.
After two days of that I will move down to three beers per evening, then 2, then 1.
Does that sound like a decent plan?
Anyone had any luck with tapering? I have successfully tapered from other drugs. It's never fun but a lot less insane than cold turkey so I am feeling hopeful about this.

 

[manboychef]

There are two questions you have to ask yourself;
1.)what are you willing to do to keep this from happening?
2.)Have you had enough?

These two questions will help get you on the road to recovery. Without some sort of recovery plan in place you will keep finding yourself at the end of a bottle, or about to pop a pill in your mouth. Without recovery I always found myself staying clean for a while then going back to shooting heroin full bore.

The biggest and most prominent recovery model is AA. I go every once in a while, but it feels very cult-like for me. Another recovery model is church...I also don't buy into this very well. You could try what works for me. Taking the power of your destiny back, practicing abstinence to non-prescribed medications, and helping other addicts. Build up a support network and call people when you feel like you are slipping back into a bad way of thinking.

Do this after you are done with withdrawals. Relapse mentality comes up way before you decide to use again, and yes it is a decision. If you need someone to talk to PM me. In fact if you feel like using, PM me. Generally the time it takes you to write the message is longer than the craving.

good luck my friend/

 

[butcher22]

I really appreciate that.